I'm Dating A Social Media Ghost
Dating a guy without an Instagram can actually be great. (Photo: Sunny Shokrae)
With online and app dating becoming just as standard as meeting someone in a bar, the Internet is practically a necessary third party in romance. Doing a quick Google or Facebook search of someone’s name even before a first date has become de rigueur. A friend sending a link to the Instagram feed or LinkedIn profile of a prospective suitor doesn’t even raise an eyebrow anymore. According to the Pew Research Center, 74% of “online adults” use some sort of social networking site and we’re using them to constantly vet each other, even if in-person contact will never happen.
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So, imagine my surprise when I began dating someone in December with essentially no online presence. His one footprint is a Facebook page sporting a years-old profile picture. That’s it.
I met James the old-fashioned way: I swiped right while drinking with friends. He was 11 years older than me, but I wasn’t too worried about our age gap. After a successful first outing, I did what any young woman my age is wont to do — I Googled him.
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I consider myself a fairly skilled Google-er (thanks, J-school!). A first name, age, and current city or school is often more than enough for me to track someone down. But, when I looked James up online, even after getting his last name, there was barely anything to be found. One of the only things I could dredge up was a mention in a college newspaper. From 1999. Clearly, this was uncharted territory.
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Despite his Tinder savvy, it turns out that James has almost no social media — not even a LinkedIn profile — mainly due to concerns about work conflicts. As a card-carrying millennial, I was shocked. After all, checking Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook is not only a daily activity, but an ongoing one. My phone is rarely more than 10 feet from my body. It’s normal for me to tweet at friends as a means of communication, or to have a friend mention me in the comments of an Instagram that belongs to someone we don’t even know.
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When it comes to relationships, especially those that start online, social media often plays the important mutual friend role. It answers questions like, “How does he act when I’m not around?” and, “What happened to his last relationship?” It lets us feel like we’re a part of someone’s life without having to be there for all of it, and, like alcohol, helps us loosen up a bit when talking to someone we’ve recently met in person.
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For the most part, it seems to be helping us out. “Young adults are more likely to report feeling closer to their spouse or partner thanks to technology,” according to Pew. Social media lets us see another side to the people we know and gives us a little insight into where we can connect with people we don’t know well. But, it has its downsides, too, like when you come across pictures of a date looking completely in love with their ex. How many of us have looked longingly at an Instagram feed, wondering if we could ever really fit into that life?
By Hannah Howard
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