According to This Study, Housework Is an Aphrodisiac
Housework is more than just a fetish – it’s a factual turn on. (Photo: Getty Images)
From rhino horn to oysters to asparagus, most aphrodisiacs have been exposed for the scams they are — all but housework. In fact, science proves that when a man does his fair share of the housework, he not only saves all the money he could have blown on ineffective aphrodisiacs, but he gets more,better sex than his peers. That’s right: Although men usually say they value sexual quantity above quality, Fair-Share guys don’t have to choose.
There are two reasons why housework is one of the six most common issues found in decades-long studies of both happy and unhappy couples.
First, more women than men really, really care about having a clean home — to the point that they cannot be at peace in dirt or clutter. Also, science shows that men relax after sex, but women need to be relaxed to want to have sex. Dirty house = no relaxation = Honey, I’ve Got A Headache = two frustrated, cranky people.
Yet if the dirt and/or disorder don’t bother them, men reason, why should it bother anyone? And shouldn’t the bothered party clean up? (Oh, these are the questions that launched a thousand nights on the couch.)
Second, women commonly assume their spouse’s participation, or lack thereof, is a huge indicator of R-E-S-P-E-C-T, or lack thereof. But is it? That depends.
On the “Yes, it’s disrespectful” side stand the men who still consider housework to be women’s work, and/or refuse to pitch in. Others participate grudgingly, after much encouragement. This is expensive, creating far more relationship work for men than they avoid in physical chores. That’s why unasked, willing contribution is a trait that women look for in a man. It’s also the kind that scores. it’s viewed as much more respectful, and lessens opportunities for, um, encouragement.
On the “No, it’s not disrespectful” side, men are doing more housework than any prior generation researchers know of, although the sexes have different views of how much guys are contributing. When asked to estimate their mate’s input, women in one study guessed men were shirking at 33%, and men gave themselves bonus points at 42%; men’s real contribution was between the two, at 39%.
This shows a basic of human cognition — not male chauvinism: Most of us, most of the time, in most of the world, think we are better than most other people about most everything. Research is rife with examples of this self-serving bias: Adult siblings each typically believe they’re giving mom and dad the greatest attention, hospitalized drivers usually think themselves outstanding motorists, and most people say they’re less bigoted than most people. But my favorite hails from an informal survey where 87% of respondents believed they would go to heaven — yet only 79% thought Mother Teresa would be there, too.
Ultimately, though, the underlying reason Fair Share housework is a big deal is that its absence makes women unhappy. Because when Mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy — sexually or otherwise. And that’s a bona fide, research-corroborated fact.
Women who believe their mates are doing a Fair Share are happy. And these happy women are not only more sexually forthcoming, they’re far pleasanter to live with. They pick fewer fights, they are less resentful, and when they do need to bring up an issue, they do it in the gentle manner that is a win for the union rather than just for themselves.
Perhaps, though, sweet women create helpful men — right? Although that is doubtless true sometimes, when a man in an unhappy relationship picks up the broom and shows he’s on the same team with his mate, long-term studies show that he sweeps more than cobwebs away. Conversely, simply advising women to let go of their anxiety, hurt feelings and need for cleanliness does not work, unless the couple is aiming for celibacy.
But how much housework is fair? Must the work be split evenly? Do charts, pie graphs, and perhaps Excel spreadsheets need to be used?
Probably not. Turns out, science shows that most women are satisfied with a mate who does less than half the housework, although specifics vary from one couple to the next. For instance, many women think it’s fair if their mate spontaneously does the chores she hates, unasked, even if those chores are relatively few or light. Scrubbing the toilets and sinks just might be worth half the household effort.
So here’s how men can tell if they’re doing enough: If their partner thinks so. The key to determining Fair Share housework is not a 50-50 split, but simply discussing what the woman considers a fair distribution, and starting there.
Which, as you now know, will get you everywhere.
Duana C. Welch, Ph.D. is the author of Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do. You can read more and get a free chapter on her website, Love Factually.
This story was originally published on AskMen.
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