5 Ways To Tell If You And Your Significant Other Are Compatible
Tall, attractive, funny, smart, accomplished, shares your hobbies — when it comes to dating, we all have our “wish lists.” But those characteristics have little to do with compatibility and long-term happiness, says Rachel Needle, Psy.D., a psychologist with the Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida. “Also, compatibility isn’t all or nothing. It exists on a continuum.” So if compatibility is a moving target, how can you tell if someone will be your best match, both now and in the future? Read on for some surprising clues.
1. You Love Each Other’s BO. “The scent of our mate can be one of the most intoxicating or revolting elixirs,” says Paul Hokemeyer, Ph.D., a Manhattan-based marriage therapist. That may be because our natural scent is tied to our immune system’s genetic makeup — and, evolutionarily speaking, we want to get with people who complement our biology and help us have healthy offspring, says Kinsey Institute researcher Justin R. Garcia, Ph.D.
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2. You Talk Like Each Other. It’s not just what your date says, it’s how he or she says it. Research shows that people who have similar communication styles — both in speaking and in writing — are more likely to be compatible. For instance, in a 2010 Psychological Science study, speed daters who spoke to each other with similar language patterns were more likely to both go on a second date and be together three months later.
3. You’re Both on a Get-Fit Mission. You don’t have to hit the gym together every day or take healthy cooking classes to be compatible, but if one of you is a health nut, it’s helpful if both of you are, says Ken Page, author of “Deeper Dating.” But more important than how often each of you exercises or how many servings of veggies you eat, is your individual and joint attitudes toward healthy living. “It’s not just about sharing an activity. It’s about sharing a positive, values-based lifestyle that improves their lives. It’s that quiet, daily sharing of a sense of mission that helps love to grow and deepen,” Page says.
4. You’re Both Willing to Work. Not just at your jobs — but in your relationship. “Every relationship has its problems,” says Page. “And I don’t mean silly little problems. Quite simply, our worst character flaws will in time get acted out in the relationship. Couples that have an ironclad commitment to keep working, to keep trying and to not give up are couples that have the greatest form of compatibility and the greatest chance of long-term success.”
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5. You’re Financially in Sync. More important than how much money each of you makes is what each of you thinks is the right way to handle that money. “Having similar relationships to money increases your compatibility in the long term,” says Hokemeyer. “So if she spends money she doesn’t have for that overpriced designer handbag and you’re concerned about having enough tucked away for a rainy day, your chances of being successful in love and life are grim.” In a 2012 study published in Family Relations, researchers followed 4,500 married couples and found that those pairs that argued about money early in their relationships (no matter their income, debt or net worth) were more likely to divorce.
The original article, “8 Ways to Tell If You and Your Significant Other Are Compatible,” appeared on LIVESTRONG.COM
By K. Aleisha Fetters
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