5 Tips for Finding (and Keeping) the Relationship You Want

Having trouble attracting the right person? Take a look at yourself, first. (Photo: Stocksy/Nabi Tang)

If you walk into a bar and see an attractive person, are you 100 percent confident about walking up to them and starting a conversation?

Maybe yes, probably no.

The truth is, we’re mostly all afraid of rejection. We struggle with insecurity and hope that our dream partner will just magically show up, making things easy for us.

But that’s not reality.

Enter Matthew Hussey. Matthew is a sought-after dating coach and New York Times best-selling author, who is a regular on the Today show and hosts live events that close to 100,000 women have attended.

He came by my studio and we had an awesome conversation (which could have gone on for hours) about the best ways to actually meet someone you are interested in. He also gave great advice about keeping desire in your existing relationship. Here are his tips for getting (and keeping) the relationship you’ve always wanted:

1. Let go of entitlement.

A lot of us walk around with the idea that we deserve love exactly how we want it, exactly how we are. Waiting for someone to want you “how you are” might just be an excuse for not growing. Would you want to be in a relationship with someone that refused to change or grow?

2. Find your “unique pairing.”

Don’t rely on one key strength. We can’t be focused on one thing all the time. Matthew is ambitious — and it was initially attractive to a former girlfriend. But then it turned boring. It turns out that ambition superseded his ability to enjoy life.

Don’t let strengths negate themselves. Find the thing that complements your strength and incorporate it into your life more. You’re only as strong as your weakest link.

Related: How to Charm Anyone

3. Confidence isn’t everything.

You can go to the grocery store and find someone confident, but Matthew stresses that you need confidence + competence. We all have to continue working on ourselves. People who want to be successful in their careers go to conventions and seminars to improve themselves in order to get their dream job. Why wouldn’t you do the same thing to get your dream relationship?

4. Relationships take effort.

We have to continue to excite each other and find new passion for each other.  A lot of people go into relationships without considering how much work it really takes once it levels out and you feel complacent. You have to continue to have love and desire. And you have to continue to work for both of those things.

Related: 25 Ways To Be A Better Husband

5. Change the landscape.

Learn new skills. Spend time apart. Create space so that you can come back together and share what you’ve learned. It will give you back some of your mystery, which can be exciting and keep your partner guessing, even when you’ve been together for years.

Finding love and the right relationship can be daunting, but it’s what a lot of us want. So why not do what it takes to make yourself the best you you can be — maybe you’ll attract the best in someone else.

Listen to my full conversation with Matthew below:

For more on Matthew, click here.

ABOUT LEWIS HOWES: Lewis is a pro-athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur who hosts the top-ranked podcast The School of Greatness. He interviews the best and brightest minds in health, entrepreneurship, relationships and lifestyle. Follow Lewis on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

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