25 Ways To Be A Better Husband
Use these tips to become the man of her dreams (Images: Thinkstock)
Being a better husband isn’t as simple as putting more effort into your marriage. It’s about knowing where, exactly, to put that effort. That’s where we can help. We found 25 simple ways you can be a more attentive, more affectionate, and more attractive partner. Turns out, it really is the little things that make a difference.
But consider this just the start. For 2,0000 more tips and techniques for improving your fitness, nutrition, health, and yes, your marriage, check out The Better Man Project, the all-new book from the Editor-in-Chief of Men’s Health.
1. Make Time For Guys’ Night
It sounds counterintuitive, but research shows that men who hang out in large groups actually handle stress better, and even do a better job of warding off sickness during cold and flu season. That makes you a better man, which also makes you a better husband.
Plus, men who shared close friends and confidants with their wives were up to 97 percent more likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction, according to researchers at Cornell and the University of Chicago. Read: Don’t build your social life totally around your wife and your mutual friends.
2. Do the Dishes
You can daydream about your lady as a French maid, but don’t treat her like one. A George Mason University study found that husbands help out around the house even less than live-in boyfriends. In fact, a husband creates an extra seven hours a week of housework for his wife, on average, according to a University of Michigan study.
On the flip side, a wife saves her husband about an hour of housework a week. That’s one reason why a man’s willingness to do chores is a major predictor of marital bliss, according to a Pew survey of 1,128 women.
3. Help Her Snooze
Women are grumpier than men in the morning, according to the Sleep Council. In fact, nearly twice as many men as women report getting a good night’s sleep regularly.
Related: What Your Sleep Position Says About You
And if your wife has trouble dozing off tonight, tomorrow could be a nightmare for both of you. A recent study showed that the longer it takes for your wife to fall asleep at night, the more negative your interactions will be the following day. On the other hand, how well a man slept had no affect on his relationship.
Tonight, encourage her to escape to the bedroom early while you get the kids ready for bed or finish up the chores. You won’t regret it in the morning.
4. Stop Dreaming About Alternatives
Wondering just how much happier you’d be with a wife who “didn’t act like that” or who “really understands” you is setting your relationship up for failure. “Constantly visualizing ideal spouses makes you less happy because it creates more potential for unproductive desire or regret,” says marriage therapist Joshua Coleman, Ph.D., author of The Marriage Makeover.
While occasional communication about the issues that bother you is important, Coleman recommends frequently communicating what you think is great about her. Tell her, for instance, that she did a great job painting the living room instead of just saying, “That turned out well.” That way she’ll know that it’s her that impressed you.
5. Prep Dinner
A career-oriented woman finds satisfaction in contributing financially to the relationship. Unlike her mate, though, the pressure’s often on her to get home and start cooking, leaving her less time to prove herself at work. A Cornell University study found that women’s careers suffer when their husbands work overtime. In fact, wives are 42 percent more likely to quit their jobs when their significant others spend 60-plus hours a week at the office.
Related: Billionaire Tells You How To Get Rich
6. Be More Attentive
Utter these five words to make her melt: “Tell me about your day.” Talking to your wife—about work, family, the news—is an even better aphrodisiac. A University of Virginia study found that wives care most about how affectionate and understanding their husbands are. Spending quality time together and discussing things she likes creates a bond your wife equates with romance.
7. Unplug
If you spend more time gazing at your iPhone than into your mate’s eyes, it could be causing problems in your relationship. In a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, researchers reviewed cell phone usage of more than 1,300 couples for 2 years and found that relationship and family happiness both decreases as cell phone usage increases. Power down tonight, and listen up.
8. Unwind Together
People in bad marriages are more than twice as likely to report stress at work as those who are happily wed, according to a British study. Stress, in turn, has been linked to a higher risk of heart disease, stroke, cancer, and many other health problems. Unhappy spouses also showed higher diastolic blood pressure. (Crush stress, improve your health, and lose your belly at home with The Anarchy Workout—one guy lost 18 pounds of pure fat in just 6 weeks.)
On the other hand, a supportive partner decreased stress. What’s one way to show more support? Drop her a brief note or make a quick phone call during the workday to see how things are going. Even if she’s stressed out, the show of support will help her regain some equilibrium.
9. Compliment Her Privately
The more a compliment is tailored to that specific woman, the more intimate and effective it is. “Use sensory words, like, I love the way you smell,’ ‘I love the sound of your voice,’” says Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., a licensed psychotherapist and the author of Getting the Sex You Want. “The more detailed your praise, the more personal it is to her—it shows her that you derive pleasure from her body, not just from any naked body.”
10. Compliment Her Publicly
“If a woman’s body image is low, she’ll feel less passionate and sexual,” says Patricia Love, Ed.D., the coauthor of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. But here’s the key: Do it in public. “It’ll emphasize your commitment, making her feel more secure and ultimately improving her body image,” Love says.
11. Reconsider the Range Rover
Your climb to the top of the social ladder might be taking a toll on your relationship. Couples that highly value money and possessions are less satisfied with their marriage compared to couples where at least one person wasn’t materialistic, according to a survey of more than 1,800 couples in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy. Meanwhile, non-materialistic pairs communicated more effectively and were more respectful of their partner’s viewpoints during arguments than money-loving couples, researchers found.
Related: Are You Driving One Of These 10 Deadliest Cars?
12. Visit the Grandparents
Set the TiVo to record the football game this Sunday and plan a trip to grandma’s house instead. A study in Family Relations found that grandparents use get-togethers as opportunities to mentor, pass on traditions, and teach family values to their grandchildren. Building strong bonds between your parents and your kids will teach the tots to respect and empathize with their elders. Result: A happy, close-knit family.
13. Be a Team
Researchers from the University of California, Berkeley, found that couples that say “we” are better at resolving disagreements than couples that emphasized their separateness by using pronouns like “I,” “me,” and “you.” The couples that identified more as “we” also showed less stress and were more positive. Ultimately, “we-ness” or “separateness” language is a strong gauge of marital satisfaction, past research has found.
In the face of a conflict, you can choose to team up with your wife or become polarized. But couples that considered themselves a partnership felt better equipped to work through challenges and more confident about making big decisions.
14. Banish Her Pre-Baby Blues
A pregnant woman’s hormones are less stable than the Dow, but being a supportive husband will pay off in the long run, a recent study suggests. Your understanding attitude could help keep your wife and baby happy and healthy. The quality of a marriage is the strongest indicator of a woman’s prenatal mental health, the study found.
On the other hand, unhappy relationships are closely linked to depression. Poor mental health has been associated with premature birth, low birth weight and health problems that can last into your little one’s school years.
15. Show Affection Outside the Bedroom
P.D.A now stands for Private Displays of Affection. A study published in the American Journal of Family Therapy found that a woman’s relationship satisfaction increased when her husband was physically affectionate in a subtle, non-erotic way—no licking, kissing, or groping involved. Instead, go for a more subtle move— while driving, rest your hand a few inches above her knee for a low-key turn-on. She’ll feel closer to you knowing that you want to be close to her—even when she’s not undressing.
Related: The 45 Sex Positions Every Couple Should Try
16. Make It a Clean Fight
A good argument may keep you and your marriage healthy. That’s because how you argue can determine the long-term success or failure of your relationship—and your lifespan. University of Michigan researchers analyzed almost 200 couples for nearly two decades and found that those who stifled their anger died earlier than those who expressed their anger and resolved the conflict amicably.
Why? They never tried to fix the problem, which likely led to an increase in stress and resentment. Voice your opinion early, and respect her point of view—even when you’re convinced she’s wrong.
17. Lock Lips Every Morning
Don’t walk out the door without a see-you-later kiss. “Skin-on-skin contact releases oxytocin, which lowers stress and makes you feel connected,” says Patricia Love, Ed.D., the coauthor of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. “When a man is touch-deprived, this need becomes sexualized, making his wife think he just wants sex, and creating more tension.”
Related: 5 Signs You’re A Lousy Kisser
You only need to set aside 1 minute a day. “It takes just a few seconds of skin-on-skin contact a few times a day to start oxytocin production,” says Love. A kiss in the morning, a hug after work, and another kiss before bed can produce a lasting feeling of intimacy.
18. Get Out More Often
If your relationship is in a rut, nix the usual dinner date in lieu of something new. Boredom can be just as detrimental to your marriage as bickering, according to a study in the journal Psychological Science. Researchers analyzed more than 120 couples on their 7-year anniversary, and again on their 16-year anniversary. The study indicated that greater boredom in year seven predicted significantly less satisfaction at year 16. Always be on the lookout for new opportunities to try together.
19. Laugh At Her
Among the most affirming things one person can do for another is to laugh at the other’s attempts at humor. Lots of husbands, over time, forget this salute. What’s that, you say? Your wife isn’t funny? So what? Neither is your dolt of a boss, but you laugh at his lame attempts. Why? Because you’re trying to show him respect. Do the same for her.
20. Hire a Babysitter
Ninety percent of couples experienced a nosedive in marital joy once they had kids, according to a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. (Your childless friends aren’t immune, either—kids simply accelerate the rate at which bliss plummets.) However, researchers found that certain qualities—such as being married longer prior to having kids and raking in bigger paychecks—protect couples from the post-birth decline. Until then, safeguard your marriage by shelling out for a babysitter or ‘hiring’ the in-laws at least one night a week.
21. Plan a Romantic Weekend
Tune in to your wife’s sexual calendar by timing her menstrual cycle, suggests Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. Then plan your romantic weekends accordingly. Ovulation raises testosterone levels, which makes some women extremely horny during their most fertile days.
A recent study of 68 sexually active women published in the Journal of Human Reproduction revealed elevated levels of testosterone and an average 24 percent increase in frequency of intercourse during the 6 days leading up to each woman’s ovulation. Calculate the start of this magic window by counting 2 weeks after she begins her period and subtracting 6 days.
Related: The 100 Hottest Women Of All Time
22. Make a Suggestion
A recent survey of 2,000 women found that two out of three were interested in light bondage. The key is to keep the adventure positive. “Don’t imply that you want this because the sex has grown stale,” says Mark Elliott, Ph.D., the director of the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health, in Columbus, Ohio. “When you phrase it as something fun you want to try, it’s about having a good time, not fixing something that’s broken.”
23. Slow Down
“Many women need a transition period between dealing with the stress of work and family life and feeling sexual,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., the author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. “A few minutes of foreplay usually aren’t enough.” After a few years together, men tend to start shortening foreplay, but the average woman takes 27 minutes to reach orgasm. A warm bath is a good place to start.
24. Be More Detailed
When she asks how your day went, she doesn’t want to hear “fine, and yours?” She wants details, not a highlight reel. To maximize the effectiveness, frame things in terms of your emotional reactions: “I was nervous when they didn’t jump at the offer, but I felt excited when they realized I was right.”
“She needs to hear you talk about your feelings as best you can. You’ll be amazed at what revealing your feelings can do for the level of intimacy between you,” says Les Parrott III, Ph.D., the author of Love Talk.
25. Send Her a Reminder
Reminding your wife of commonalities—whether it’s a birth date, a passion for Japanese architecture, or your favorite vacation spot—will ignite her desire for you, suggests recent research published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.
Related: Why You’re Most Likely To Die On Your Birthday
There’s even a scientific term for the phenomenon: “implicit egotism.” It means we humans are attracted to things and people that remind us of ourselves.
By the Editors of Men’s Health
More From Men’s Health:
