10 Things Not To Say To Someone Who Just Lost Weight
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Seven years ago, I found myself on a family vacation in Paris, staring blankly into a department store mirror. Over the course of the previous year, I’d gained about 20 pounds and hadn’t realized it until that moment, when everything I tried on made me feel painfully awkward in my own skin.
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Determined to make a change, I spent the next few months exercising and cutting back on the constant carb consumption that had become my norm. Thanks to my young adult genetics, the weight came off easily. But stomaching the responses of my friends when they saw me next wasn’t as simple. Here are a few things you should never say to a person who’s recently shed some pounds.
1. “You look so much better!” Wait…did I really look that bad before?
2. “So what are you going to do to keep the weight off?” The fear of gaining the weight back races through my head every day. Please don’t fuel the fire.
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3. “You look too skinny.” Reserve this comment, even if it’s meant to flatter, for extreme situations when you genuinely think someone is at risk. After a person has lost significant weight, when she looks in the mirror, she doesn’t always see what you see. Give her some time to adjust to her new physique without adding extra judgment that could cloud her perceptions.
4. “So how many more pounds do you have to go?” Well, none, but I appreciate the implication that I still have more work to do.
5. “Are you worried about stretch marks?” If someone has made a change to get their life on a healthier path, the last thing she wants to satisfy is your morbid curiosity about extra skin or stretch marks. She might have them, she might not, but in all likelihood, she wears them like a badge of pride for the massive accomplishment she just conquered.
6. “So how much weight did you lose exactly?” Some people might want to shout out their accomplishments from the rooftop like a before-and-after commercial, but others are a lot more private. Respect the fact that your friend may not want you to know how much she weighs.
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7. “Honestly, I liked you better with a little more meat on your bones.” You might be trying to make your friend feel like she didn’t have to change, but this isn’t necessarily the kind of support she needs. Better to tell her how happy and healthy she seems than cast more doubt on her transformation.
8. “It’s like you’re a completely different person.” I wasn’t aware that my body fat percentage was directly proportional to my personality, but thank you for the newfound identity crisis!
9. “Oh, come on, you can have just a little!” Well, not necessarily. Someone who’s really committed to weight loss faces temptations every day, and she doesn’t need any more from her friends. If you can avoid talking about food while you’re eating, do it. The subject is fraught enough for your friend already.
10. “Great!! Now you can sign up for that 5K with me!!!!” If your friend didn’t love running races before, losing some weight didn’t magically rewire her brain chemistry. If she picked up jogging as a way to get fit, then by all means, invite her, but don’t assume she shares your fitness goals and avocations.
Ultimately, you control the dials on the peanut-gallery radio. I learned how to turn down the volume on everyone else’s commentary and focus on keeping myself on a path of healthfulness, on my own terms. Which definitely did not involve 5Ks, and admittedly, did involve choosing French fries over kale every once in awhile.
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By Ali Drucker
