What Is Drunk Uncle's Drink of Choice?
Drunk Uncle, everyone’s favorite middle-aged, khaki bomber jacket-wearing fellow with a penchant for swear words, likes to drink. Saturday Night Live’s “Weekend Update,” on which Drunk Uncle appears regularly, taught us that much. But WHAT does he like to drink? It’s Scotch in his glass, but what kind? And does he follow it with a Bud Heavy or a Sam Adams?
We called NBC Universal, where Drunk Uncle was last seen intoxicated, but their staffers declined to connect us with him. So below, based on some of his best one-liners—flagrant political incorrectness and love for early ’90s soft rock considered—we’ve put together a Drunk Uncle-inspired cocktail menu.
Drunk Uncle, if you’re reading this, splash some cold water on your face, exit the studio, and throw a few back with us.
Feliz Navidont
Make a Mexican eggnog, or a rompope, with egg yolks, milk, sugar, almonds, and rum. Present it to your guests in a chilled bowl with a spatula. Pass out.
Twerkin’ Nine to Five
Put blue Gatorade (as it’s Miley the Twerking Princess’s favorite), 5-Hour Energy (to keep you going from nine to five), and Scotch (Drunk Uncle’s default booze), in a cocktail shaker. Set it on the kitchen counter. Twerk next to it. Drink out of the shaker.
I Am the One Who Knock Knocks
Put Scotch in a rocks glass. Add two ice cubes, and as you do so, shout “clink! clink!” as each hits the bottom of the glass. Then, set it on the table, bend at the waist so you’re looking it square in the eye, and, with your right fist, knock on its side, yelling “KNOCK KNOCK!” Ceremony complete, you can drink now.
Chief Pays No Bills
A glass of water. Drunk Uncle really needs a glass of water at this point.
You Know What’s in My Tumblr? Regret
Go to tumblr.com. Search “cocktail.” Drink the first thing you see. Likely regret it.
SuspendersCaneMonocleTophatFancy
While tipping your hat to a fine young lass, fill a Champagne glass with Scotch. That’s it!
Most Likely to Suck Seeds
Top a shot of your favorite booze with sunflower seeds. Throw back the shot, then chomp on the seeds, spitting the shells out as you talk to your neighbor.
So I’m Not a KFC Fighter
The usual base: a rocks glass with Scotch. Garnish with a 2-inch slab of fried chicken skin. Drink it. Then get in a bar fight and lose.
wwwww.IsThisReallyAmerica?
Fill one shot glass with bourbon. Fill another with pickle juice (a pickle back). Take the back of your hand and, like Beyoncé, sweep them off of the table and onto the floor. Look proud.
