Things That Should Not Taste Like Beer
Photo credit: Jelly Belly Candy Co. Illustration: Jennifer Fox
Recent news that Jelly Belly has launched a beer-flavored jelly bean fills us not with excitement—despite the company’s lyrical promise that the beans are “iridescent gold and were inspired by German Hefeweizen”—but with dread.
The Los Angeles Times reporter who sampled them declares they smell “like sour mash,” which is never good, and reminds us rather of Harry Potter and Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans, which feature such enticing flavors as Dirt and Vomit.
Maybe we’re overstating things a little, especially since we haven’t yet tasted the beans. After all, beer and cheese tend to make for good bedfellows, even when the fromage has a rind that’s been washed with the stuff. And we’ve encountered the tempting box of artisanal chocolates infused with brews. Also good.
But if you move into sacred territory, such as ice cream, you need to watch yourself. Sure, you can whip Guinness into ice cream—stouts and porters are natural matches for it—but you could also just put two scoops of vanilla ice cream into a half glass of Guinness.
Lastly, sausage. There are a number of beer-infused links out there. We have yet to see the beer brat that works. You know what we prefer? A beer on the side, where it belongs.