There's Always Hope, So Here's What To Do If You Hate Your Life, According to Experts
No one ever said that adulting was easy. It can be incredibly hard at times, in fact.
But there’s a difference between having some hard times and actually hating your entire life. And hating your life is scary. Fortunately, mental health experts say, you really can change your life around–for the better.
“It's no secret that there are times when we feel stuck. We feel like things are not progressing in the way we want, and that our life is not taking us where we want it to go,” says Jeff Ditzell, DO, the CEO and lead psychiatrist at Jeff Ditzell Psychiatry in New York City. “The good news is this feeling of being stuck doesn't have to be a permanent state of affairs. With the right set of tools and skills, you can fight your way out of this darkness and discover what lies ahead for yourself.”
Feel like you really do hate your life? Here's what to do about it.
Recognize That There’s a Problem
Many people are just white-knuckling it through life. They have multiple responsibilities, which may include families, jobs, household chores, pets, community projects, education or professional training, their health, financial obligations and more. It’s so much to juggle, and it can create a lot of stress. They’re surviving, but they may not be thriving.
“It’s easy to forget about ourselves,” says Dr. LaMont Moss, MD, a psychiatrist at Kaiser Permanente in Denver, Colorado.
And for a lot of people, the dissatisfaction occurs over time, rather than in one big hit. It creeps in, making you feel tired and negative. “We become accustomed to not feeling as happy, and it becomes the norm,” says Dr. Moss.
Celeste Labadie, LMFT, a life coach, and marriage and family therapist with Collective Connection Counseling in Lafayette, Colorado, lists some of the negative behaviors that you might develop. Do any of these sound familiar to you?
Not leaving your home
Not getting enough sleep
Not paying attention to what you eat
Not exercising
Some people might drink excessively or use drugs. Some might convince themselves to stay in jobs or relationships that don’t fulfill them—and might even be distressing, Labadie says.
One morning, you might wake up and realize how unhappy you really are. Or you might not—until someone else points it out to you.
But once you do recognize and admit to yourself that you’re not happy with your life, you’re in the position to make some changes. And you can take action and make those changes. Here's how to do that.
Related: Here's What Major Depressive Disorder Actually Is—and How It Differs from 'Regular' Depression
Talk to Someone
You may wonder where to start, now that you know you want to do something about your situation.
Dr. Moss suggests talking to someone you trust about your feelings. It might be a friend or a family member, or it could be a healthcare professional. Tell them, “I’m not happy. This is not where I expected to be at this point,” he says.
The other person doesn’t have to have answers for you, Dr. Moss emphasizes. They just need to be able to listen—and encourage you to keep taking steps to make improvements that will ultimately improve your outlook on life.
“It’s okay to ask for help or to reach out,” says Dr. Moss. “Don’t suffer alone. Please, please speak to somebody.”
Take Stock
Another potential starting point is taking an inventory of your life. For example, ask yourself what makes you unhappy, suggests Dr. Ditzell. Or you could make a list of things that you would like to change.
“Once you realize that change to your unhappiness is needed, the second step is setting an intention for change,” he says.
Make a List of Things That Make You Happy
“I would suggest a very simple survey of what has interested them in the past,” says Labadie. “For instance, do they like artwork, do they remember playing a sport or watching a certain movie? What friendships were important to them when they were a child? Did they swim, or do they like watching hot air balloons? The idea here is to look for things that spark their interest and then to see what kind of feelings arise with those interests.”
Are you still pursuing any of those interests? Do you think it would help if you dedicated some time to one of your past interests? That’s another step that you could take to bring change to your life.
Get Screened for Depression and Anxiety
If you do hate your life, you might also consider the possibility that you may be suffering from depression or anxiety.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, if you experience any of these feelings on a daily basis over the course of two weeks or more, you may be experiencing symptoms of depression:
Feelings of sadness or hopelessness
Feeling “empty”
Irritability or restlessness
Feeling worthless or helpless
Loss of interest in your usual activities or hobbies
Fatigue or decreased energy levels
Changes in appetite
Unplanned weight changes
Trouble sleeping
Lack of ability to concentrate or remember things
Unexplained health problems like headaches, pains or digestive problems without an identifiable physical cause
Thoughts of death or suicide
You might seek out an online depression or anxiety screening, like Mental Health America’s online screening tool for depression and anxiety test. You can also check with your primary care provider.
The good news is that there is treatment available to you if you are struggling with depression or anxiety.
Related: What Is an Anxiety Attack and How Do You Stop One? Take a Deep Breath and Keep Reading
Talking to someone definitely helps, says Dr. Ditzell, and for some people, confiding in a trusted friend or colleague is all they need to get moving in the right direction. “However, for those who can’t manage these conditions on their own or who need treatment for mental health conditions in order to live healthy, [full lives], seeing a mental health professional is often necessary,” he says.
Some people find that counseling or therapy can help them. Some may also need medication, such as an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication. Because you got to this point in your life in a very individualized way, the path forward must be customized to meet your needs. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution.
Everyone can get better, “but they certainly get there differently,” says Dr. Moss.
What’s next: 21 Things You Should Never Say to Someone With Depression (and What to Say Instead)
Sources:
Jeff Ditzell, DO, CEO and lead psychiatrist at Jeff Ditzell Psychiatry
Celeste Labadie, LMFT, a life coach and marriage and family therapist
LaMont Moss, MD, a psychiatrist at Kaiser Permanente in Denver, Colorado.
National Institute of Mental Health. Depression.
