Talking to plants on ‘The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City’
Tuesday night’s episode of “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” begins in a very pink dessert cafe where Monica Garcia and Angie Katsanevas meet to hash things out. They’ve been at odds since Monica stormed out of Angie’s Easter gathering. Monica explains that she was sharing the rumors about Angie in an effort to protect her. Then they both share some tales of mother-inflicted childhood trauma. They end on a relatively positive note, or as positive as they can after all that, and with two pieces of uneaten cake.
Next Lisa drives to Daybreak to help Whitney Rose prepare decorations for her daughter Bobbie’s 13th birthday lū‘au. Lisa asks about the guest list and Whitney tells her she’s invited everyone but Mary. Which, fair. Inviting Mary to a party is a good way to make sure everyone in attendance leaves feeling bad about themselves. Whitney tells Lisa that Monica is in an abusive situation with her mom, and Lisa’s response is ... less than sympathetic. “I love when things are conveniently abusive,” she says, which is not something anyone should say on television ever. Then she says Monica is bringing it on herself, thereby digging the hole twice as deep.
The time for the party arrives and a multicolored party bus shuttles a gaggle of 13-year-olds to Classic Fun Center, the roller skating rink where anyone who came of age in Utah first held hands with a member of the opposite sex.
I can smell the stale pizza and sweaty socks through the screen as the housewives and their families skate around the rink. In one corner, Heather tells Monica what Lisa said to Whitney about “convenient abuse.” Lisa skates over and Heather confronts her about her dismissiveness. Monica explains to Lisa that her mom has two sides, like Ted Bundy. Lisa asks why she would bring Ted Bundy to an Easter party, and Monica explains their relationship is very up and down. This escalates into yelling, and at one point, Lisa turns to respond to Heather after Monica asks her a question. Monica explains her mother did the same thing the last time they spoke, choosing to speak to a plant in a restaurant instead of to Monica’s face. Which makes Heather a plant in Monica’s comparison. Heather admits she’d rather be a plant than Ted Bundy.
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Lisa eventually gets up and walks away while she and Monica yell insults at each other like “old” and “wannabe.” They are at a 13-year-old’s birthday party, so maybe it’s a when in Rome thing?
The next day, or a few days later — it’s impossible to know exactly when — Whitney prepares to host her second event in a row at Varley in downtown Salt Lake City. The event is meant to launch her new jewelry line Prism, but she’s invited both Monica and Lisa so what it’s really going to launch is another round of verbal boxing.
Whitney’s guests arrive, including Lisa, Angie and Monica. Pretty much immediately, things turn ugly when Angie tells Lisa that Monica is upset that Lisa doesn’t believe her when she says her relationship with her mother is bad. Monica finds Angie, and Angie tells her she feels like she’s in the middle of this dispute. Lisa tries to vent to Whitney but Whitney is busy hosting a party and is about to give a speech. Somehow Lisa and Monica end up next to each other to listen to the presentation and whisper snide remarks to each other.
Whitney announces it is time for a sound bath, and the entire room goes silent except for Monica and Lisa, who continue to spar. Loudly. Their comments are as creative and mature as “You’re old,” and “You look like the Pillsbury Dough girl.” Whitney, who is trying to conduct a sound bath, becomes increasingly annoyed.
As soon as the sound bath ends, the shouting starts. What are Lisa and Monica shouting about? I couldn’t tell you. It’s unintelligible. It’s “I know you are but what am I?” over and over, and it’s giving siblings in the backseat during a family road trip before dad threatens to turn the car around.
It is extremely irritating to watch, and it goes on for quite a while until Lisa walks away and tries to tell Whitney about it, but Whitney is, still, busy hosting a party and less than amused by the sound bath interruption. “I have to go sell jewelry,” Whitney says. Monica leaves, followed by Lisa, and I hope we don’t see either of them for a while because I need a break.
