My Son Asked if the Trump Was Going to Hurt Him
“Mama, is the president going to hurt Rowan?”
This is what my 7-year-old son asked me the other day, leaving me standing stunned in my kitchen.
Earlier that morning, I left my phone on the counter after scrolling through Twitter. Playing on loop was the now-infamous short clip of President Trump attacking a faceless man with a CNN logo as a head - a clip that he himself shared - and Rowan picked up my phone and watched it. “Is that the president hurting that man, mama?” he asked, as I quickly took the phone from his hands and shut off the screen. “Oh, it’s just pretend, buddy. You know how sometimes you and Scout pretend to fight with your swords and light-sabers? It’s just like that.” He looked at me, shrugged, and walked away. I thought I had settled it for him, but then he asked me that searing question about himself a few hours later and I was suddenly filled with the white-hot rage that comes from being a parent. Again, I found myself in the position of answering a question I never thought I’d have to answer. “No, sweetheart. Mommy and Daddy are here and you have nothing to be afraid of. Nobody is going to hurt you.”
When it comes to current events and the news, I am a vigilant mother. We don’t watch any of the 24-hour news networks, we don’t ever watch live TV outside of college football games, and we are mindful of what’s playing on our phones when the little ones are around. We know we can’t protect them from everything, and that’s OK - it’s life - but we try to avoid having forced conversations about current events if we can help it. There are things that are age-appropriate, and things that aren’t. Kids are growing up too fast these days, and I’d like my kids to be kids for as long as possible.
None of Trump’s behavior is new or unexpected. Donald Trump showed us exactly who he is and his lack of integrity throughout the campaign season, with inflammatory remark after inflammatory remark, one childish act after another for well over a year. But just like so many other aspects of his presidency, it’s important to keep saying this is not normal. This is not OK.
Now don’t misunderstand me: All presidents say things that I wouldn’t want my kids to hear at such a young age. There were moments when even the kid-friendly President Obama would speak about events from the podium that weren’t appropriate for my young children at the time (comments about mass shootings, police brutality, and more). But, never once did I have to worry about President Obama bragging about sexual assault or calling immigrants “rapists” and “criminals.” I never once worried that President Obama would mock someone with a disability. I didn’t worry about any videos of President Obama playing on loop on my phone, resting on the kitchen counter and making my young son worry that he was at risk.
This is not a partisan issue. Looking back, I would not have had those concerns about President George W. Bush if I had kids at that time, either.
So many of us are invested in resistance to the Trump presidency because his proposals are a disaster and immoral toward our immigrant, refugee, disabled, and poor neighbors. And I know “Think about the children!” seems like a tired trope, but we really do need to think about what this presidency – this man – means for our children. I have talked to both Democrat and Republican parents, and they have all expressed their concern about how much their children know about the president's words and actions.
It isn’t the president’s responsibility to teach our children values like compassion, empathy, kindness, integrity, and respect. As parents, it’s our job to make sure that those values are deeply rooted into their character. But, as my husband said just the other day, the hope is that the person who’s elected to represent all of us would truly be the best of us - in intelligence, competency, and character. The president has the opportunity to set the tone for discourse for the entire nation, and Donald Trump has repeatedly failed to rise to the level of integrity that the office demands and the American people expect. When our children say, “I want to be president when I grow up,” it shouldn’t make parents cringe. Our children should have a president they can look up to, someone who would inspire them to participate in our democracy.
The video Trump shared via Twitter - one that originated from his days participating in professional wrestling theatrics - seems silly at first look. But if you peel it back just one layer, the violence it advocates against the press is terrifying. And you don’t have to peel it back much further to see that it would frighten young children like my own, raising the question in their young minds if he’ll hurt them, too.
My son is autistic and is in a classroom full of other young kids on the spectrum. The shockwave of both Trump’s candidacy and election reverberated loudly throughout the disability community, and the families we’re connected to in our son’s class are no exception. The staff and faculty were eerily quiet the day after the election - almost mournful. That afternoon, my son got into the car after school. He buckled himself in and let out a deep sigh and a whimper. “What’s wrong, love?” I asked. “Donald Trump is the president?” he responded with his own question. We had told him the results of the election that morning. He was getting his first civics lessons at school, learning about elections and presidents and our government, so he was quite interested in the election at the time. I confirmed the news that I’m sure he'd heard confirmed again at school. Trying not to project my own disappointment, I asked him, “What are you feeling, buddy?” He replied, “Sad. Scared. Donald Trump is a bad man to Rowan. He hurts Rowan and Rowan’s friends.”
Children often have brilliant imaginations, but this isn’t just fantasy. Children are genuinely fearful of Donald Trump and parents are actively shielding their children from him. None of this is normal. What does it mean for future generations to grow up under a president who incites fear rather than hope, optimism, and possibility? How will our children grow up to view the office of president of the United States? When I consider the answers to those questions, our children’s fear feels more terrifying than any tweet.
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