Couples With Big Age Gaps Get A Lot Of Hate — Here's 14 People Who Have Been In One Weighing In On Whether They Deserve It
A Reddit user asked the folks of the Reddit community: "Couples with a large age difference: How is it different, and what kind of issues do you face?"
Some people didn't hold anything back and revealed what really goes down when you're in a relationship with a large age gap. Everyone's experiences are different, and honestly, they're pretty eye-opening.
So, here are some juicy and informative stories straight from couples with eight-year, 23-year, and even 39-year age differences:
1."My husband is 10 years older than me, but because I tend to be more mature for my age and him less so, it feels like we meet in the middle. The age difference really isn't a factor. We do worry a bit more about the prospect of having kids, as he doesn't want to be 60 when our kids graduate high school like his father was — but that's about it. We've also gotten some funny responses to people finding out about our age difference. I'll never forget the story about a woman commenting to my husband that I was a 'child bride, like back in the war' when she found out I was 18 when we got hitched."
2."My friend is 27 and her boyfriend is over 50 years old. She has a difficult time connecting to his daughter (who is 24) because they are so close in age. This is because she is almost like a stepmom, but the age of a friend."
3."I'm 34 and my S.O. is 23, and we've been dating for almost two years now. First it started as a 'we like each other, but...' situation. Honestly, the first month I was quite reluctant because of the age gap. But, we had (and still have) a lot of fun together despite the age difference. I started looking at her differently one month into the relationship. I went on a holiday visiting my brother who lived abroad (he was a landlord at a house and rented out rooms to interns). There were a lot of women/people over there who were also around my S.O.'s age, and I noticed she was much more mature and fun to be with! After four months, we became official, and it's still going well. Sometimes I reflect on my own behavior when I was her age — if I can relate to my own experience, I know how to act. And sometimes, we just have to be patient with each other. We both know there can be different perspectives, but there is nothing we can't handle!"
"She often asks me for help and advice, and in return, she calms me down. I completely trust her and if I start to stress out, she is there for me. I lost a lot of my patience after I became sick last year with a chronic illness. I went from energetic to chronically tired. I became more forgetful and changed a lot, yet there she was! She helped me and calmed me down when I became emotional or started stressing out.
I believe and feel happy about the fact that we are on the same page about most of our priorities. There aren't many differences in things we like and prefer, and how we like to spend time with each other!"
4."Most of my past relationships have been with older men, with the biggest age difference being about eight years. I was drawn to the maturity of them, and having 'daddy issues,' I longed for an older male figure in my life who made me feel protected and secure. However, with that said, I found that I sometimes had a hard time connecting and relating to them. I often found that they were very quick to move the relationship along fast (i.e., talk about marriage and kids) when I wasn't at that stage yet. I'm now dating someone closer to my age, which I think is more suited for me."
5."When I was 30, I started dating a woman who was 46. She was super hot, but very immature. The sex was great, but I felt like the adult all the time. I felt like a parent and was constantly telling her not to do stupid things. She would close the bars with her 19-year-old daughter, and constantly wind up in bad situations. Idk — it was hell."
6."My friend's mom was 28 when she married a man who was 82. They didn't think they would be able to get pregnant, but evidentially they could. Her husband died four years later at 86, leaving her to be a single mom. Besides that, they had huge issues on both sides. The dad's other children (who were in their fifties) claimed my friend's mom just wanted his money. The mom’s family believed that this man was a cult-leader type, and was luring her into an unhealthy relationship."
7."I dated a 30-year-old when I was 19 — not much was different. His friends picked on him for dating a college woman, but also gave him major props. It was a little harder to get his female friends to like me, mostly because the guys called them 'old and weathered' whenever I was around (much to my dismay). My friends thought it was weird at first — they had a hard time understanding why I didn't want to date boys our age (like boys who didn't have stable jobs or income, still smoked pot all afternoon, and were terrible in bed). I didn't understand why they liked spending time with people like that."
"All in all, I love dating older guys — not 'too old,' but late twenties/early thirties. They're more cultured, down to go to the ballet, try ethnic food, share a nice bottle of whiskey by a fire, etc. than someone still in college. Plus, they're typically much better in bed, as they've had more experience.
The only weird part was helping my boyfriend with his résumé. I was proofreading it and realized he graduated high school the same year I was in third grade — that felt odd. Also, some TV/music references he made I knew of but wasn't alive for, which was also a little weird..."
8."I started dating my boyfriend when he was 28 and I was 20. The first few years were a struggle because we were at different points in our lives. I wanted to party a lot more than he did. We split for a few months, but came to the realization that we wanted to make it work and be together (it's honestly disgusting how perfect we are for each other, despite the age difference). We've been together for almost seven years, and everything's great now. I feel like he's made me mature quite a bit faster than I would have if I had dated someone my own age. In return, I've made him a bit more relaxed, and have a go-with-the-flow type of personality."
"We had a lot of fights in the beginning, but those fights made both of us better communicators. I'm grateful for the fights, and that we were able to get through them because they helped build the strong relationship we have now.
An eight-year difference now (me 26F and him 34M) isn't that big of a deal. But, being 20 and 28 had its rough spots in terms of him having more life experience, and me wanting to learn and figure things out for myself."
9."My mom was 26 when she met my dad, and he was 65. People thought my dad was a predator and that my mom was a 'gold digger,' but that wasn't what I saw at home at all. My parents loved each other. I have an older brother on my dad's side who's in his sixties, and he didn't have a hard time accepting us. But, his wife did because my dad helped them financially. When my dad got married to my mom, she said that it was a mistake because he wouldn't give them any more money because he would spend it on us..."
10."I met my man when I was 34 and he was 19, and we've been together for just over seven years now. Before him I had one boyfriend who was eight years younger than me, and everyone else bar none was much older than me (up to 30 years older than me). My current man is much better than the others, but that's because of the person he is and not his age. We both get each other, in that we both need a lot of time apart as we're both antisocial, and we are comfortable being apart from each other. I don't think this has anything to do with age."
11."My boyfriend is 17 years older than me — our relationship is honestly really great, and we're pretty compatible. The main issue I have is I'm currently in school (I'm a returning student), and I'm not working. I feel like a real piece of shit about it. I hate that he has to take care of all of our money, and sometimes I think he'd be better off being with somebody who already has a degree and a decent job so he wouldn't have to worry about that."
"But I know he loves me, and he's so encouraging and motivating when it comes to school. I also do my best to make his life good.
My plan is to eventually finish school, and once I start working, he can do whatever he wants — whether that's working or going back to school to pursue his master's (something he's always wanted, but never had the chance to do)."
12."I'm a 40-year-old woman, and my wife is 29. The main difference is that I am very jaded and cynical, and she's more like a wide-eyed excitable puppy. It's a nice contrast, though — she brings me out of my existential funk."
13."I'm 21, my boyfriend is 31, and we started dating almost two years ago when I turned 20. It's a much healthier relationship than my previous one, which was with a guy nine months older than me. I was a little put-off by the age gap at first, but my parents saw no issue with it. All in all our life stages aren't that much different (as I'm an undergrad university student and he's a PhD). Our maturity levels seem to match mostly (I've had several people say I'm mature for my age and I mostly agree, but saying that seems to be an oxymoron...). Overall, we're both very happy :)."
14.And: "I dated a lot of older men from age 17 onwards, and a lot of them were actually too immature for me. When a 35-year-old dates an 18-year-old, it's highly likely the younger one will develop more and more, whereas the older one is stuck in the same place forever. If they ONLY date younger girls, it's a red flag in my experience (those are the men who can't get a woman their own age). However, I recently dated a wonderful man who hadn't dated younger before. He's 31, and I'm 20. It worked perfectly — we were on the exact same page about a lot of things. The only thing was, he wanted kids within the next five years, and I didn't want kids for at least another 10 years. So, we had to, unfortunately, stop dating — I guess issues like that are most common [in big age gap relationships]."
Note: Some stories have been edited for length and/or clarity.
