NBC's 'The Wiz LIVE!': The 13 Best and Weirdest Moments

The SECOND most important thing to know about NBC’s broadcast of The Wiz Live was that things like this don’t happen very often. We’re talking about the live broadcast of a broadway show starring an all-black cast on a billion-dollar conglomerate’s flagship network during primetime? Even in 2015 such a move is nothing short of audacious, and it’s straight-up IMPORTANT. That is the second most important thing to know about NBC’s broadcast of The Wiz Live.

The FIRST most important thing to know is about The Wiz Live was that it was a WEIRD NIGHTMARE. This should not come as a shock as it’s an urban* riff on one of the king nightmares of all time, The Wizard of Oz. (*Urban in this context means slightly more modern and relevant.) Full of outrageous makeup effects, upsetting visuals, and *shudder* Cirque du Soleil dancers, this version of The Wiz was maybe even more nightmare-inducing than Cats, and that’s saying something.

Guys, please don’t take this as an attack on your nostalgia, but here’s a thought: The original The Wizard of Oz is not very good? Hear me out. Judy Garland was great, some of the songs were great. The rest was chintzy garbage that is maaaaybe only interesting if you pretend the whole thing was just one of Judy Garland’s pill induced fever dreams. L. Frank Baum’s original book was a thinly veiled political allegory about populism, robber barons, and late 19th-century economics, all of which could only be considered entertaining in a college lecture hall. For that reason alone, The Wiz’s reimagining as a parable about the black American experience lends it immediacy and pathos that the original never had. So yeah, I’m going there: The Wiz is superior to The Wizard of Oz. Neither is great (I’m more of a Return to Oz guy myself), but credit where credit’s due.

Anyway, enough about my very correct opinions about The Wizard of Oz! Let’s talk about the best, weirdest, and most nightmarish elements of NBC’s The Wiz LIVE! in chronological order.

1. Dorothy looked slightly pissed off the entire time

At first I was wondering why Dorothy did nothing but frown and throw mean mugs at everyone around her (including at the the tornado) but then it dawned on me: This was a very annoying series of events that she had to put up with. In that sense, Dorothy was the ultimate audience surrogate. Like, if a bunch of men dressed like crows started shouting at you, you’d be frowning just as hard as she was. (All said, Shanice Williams was very wonderful as the sassy, headstrong Dorothy, and man can she sing.)

2. Were the Munchkins dressed like sex toys?

Although I am not 100% certain what sex even is, I am very certain that the fashion trends in Munchkinland appear to be influenced by the back shelf of the Pleasure Chest.

3. The Scarecrow was TERRIFYING

Okay, this thing was straight out of hell. Look at that mask! Is that human flesh? When did Leatherface learn how to sing and dance? Also, the fact that this sentient grotesquerie was actively craving “brains” took us directly into Return of the Living Dead territory. If halfway through he decided to tear Dorothy’s throat out with his teeth I would have just calmly sipped my tea and nodded, “Yup.”

4. Some hunks need to be lubed up in order to get down

Ne-Yo was buried under four hundred pounds of silver-spraypainted latex, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t still kinda hunky. But then he sang an entire song about needing to get lubed up? Do NOT tell me the writers and producers of this musical are blind to gay lingo (there was a VOGUING scene in the Emerald City, guys). The Tin Man specifically requested CRISCO at one point! For that reason alone I have to believe this was one of the funniest bits of subversive gay humor in family entertainment since the “bears in San Francisco” joke in Inside Out.

5. Mama’s in the tree again

Toward the beginning of the story, Dorothy stole a pair of shoes off a corpse and was warned by Mercedes from Glee that everyone would try to steal them from her as though they were a pair of the new Air Jordans. And sure enough, later on she encountered what appeared to be her much-missed mother chilling in a tree. But it was the oldest trick in the book! It was not her mother stuck in a tree at all, it was just some hallucination or whatever. Nice try, fake mama in the tree. Not today.

6. Common’s outfit

Common played a bouncer outside Emerald City, and this was his outfit. Stunning, right? Yes, please note the green bluetooth. (Greentooth?) I once wore something similar to my son’s funeral but that is another story in itself.

7. Emerald City is a green Tron with Voguing

Did you hear me? Emerald City is a green Tron with Voguing.

8. THIS thing.

Now, I know this is a trope of the material… A large talking head that people mistake for the Wizard, but even that knowledge did not prepare me for the talking abomination that was this huge mechanical head. The most unsettling part is you could actually hear the eyes and mouth parts snapping together like some kind of ventriloquist dummy operated by the devil himself. And those glowing eyes? Horrible, horrible.

9. Drag King Latifah

Queen Latifah played the titular Wiz and her interpretation was basically Grace Jones as a big rig driver. Next thing we knew, this version of the Wiz came out and screamed at everybody like she was emceeing a drag show in San Diego.

10. Queen Mary J. Blige as the Wicked Witch of the West

Considering her lair looked to be literal hell, it was ironic that Mary J. Blige was like an ANGEL FROM HEAVEN. Sure, she is not a broadway actress by trade, but as far as I’m concerned, her version of the Wicked Witch of the West is definitive. Lots of campy shouting, and diva-tastic scenery chewing. There are no other versions of this character anymore. Mary J. Blige was truly wonderful, is what I’m saying. (Bonus points to NBC for the on-screen #IHateWater hashtag, which made me laugh IRL.)

11. These pogo creatures

More Cirque Du Soleil abominations, but these took the place of the usual flying monkeys, and are guaranteed to haunt your dreams for weeks. Almost as terrifying as Return to Oz’s Wheelers!

12. The Wiz chilling in her secret hovel

We all knew that the “real” wizard was going to be just a regular person hanging out in a supply closet, but I loved the idea that Queen Latifah was wearing an actual bathrobe and slippers while operating the giant devil head to scream at Dorothy and her friends. Being the Wizard of Emerald City was definitely not as glamorous as it sounded. I honestly expected her to be Frebrezing her sofa when the curtain was yanked back.

13. Crazy-Eyes Glinda

In the show’s powerful climactic scene, Glinda the Good Witch descended from the rafters and scream-sang at Dorothy to believe in herself. In this case, Glinda was played by Orange Is the New Black’s Uzo Aduba, and holy moly did she KILL IT. Wonderful voice, stirring theatrics. At this point Dorothy legit had no choice but to believe in herself, and next thing we knew she was waving away her friends so that she could sing one last ballad about going home, and then clicked her heels and returned to Kansas. At that point the show was over, as suddenly as Mary J. Blige falling into a steam cloud after her sequined couture got splashed. But isn’t that how life goes? Just easin’ on down the road until suddenly the road ends and you remember you own a dog. (Toto peaced out on this journey right from the get-go.)

Great job, everyone! We may never sleep again.