Former Miss USA Chelsie Kryst's Mom Says Her Daughter's Final Text Was Meant to 'Comfort' Her (Exclusive)

Receiving her daughter's last text before her death by suicide was "devastating," says April Simpkins, but it helped her understand Kryst's deep pain

Cheslie Kryst's last text, sent just before she died by suicide on the morning of Jan. 30, 2022, was "devastating" to receive, her mother April Simpkins recalls.

"By the time you get this, I won't be alive anymore," Kryst began in the note she wrote to her mom, who read the text as she returned to her South Carolina home after an early workout.

When Simpkins' frantic call to Cheslie went unanswered and she learned that Cheslie, an Extra correspondent who was Miss USA 2019, was actually gone at the age of 30, "I had to audibly tell myself how to breathe again...I honestly thought my body is just going to shut down," she tells PEOPLE in this week's issue.

Related: Cheslie Kryst’s Mom Opens Up About the Former Miss USA’s 2022 Suicide: 'I Can't Let Guilt Erase What We Had' (Exclusive)

But after she had time to process the full weight of her daughter's final text, "I realized she really was comforting me," Simpkins says.

Kryst's text to her mother went on to say: "I love you mom and you are my best friend and the person I’ve lived for for years. I wish I could stay with you but I cannot bear the crushing weight of persistent sadness, hopelessness, and loneliness any longer. I’ve never told you these feelings because I’ve never wanted you to worry and because I hoped they would eventually change but I know they never will. They follow me through every accomplishment, success, family gathering, friendly dinner, and they are loudest during my failures, setbacks, and heartbreak. I’ve cried so hard my face has swollen and my teeth ache. I cry almost every day now like I’m in mourning...thank you, sincerely, for being there for me in some of my loneliest moments without me even telling you I needed you...You have kept me alive and ready to face another day because you answer every phone call, you are there for me at the drop of a hat, you listen to me and care when I tell you what goes on in my life, and you’ve always made me feel like you love me. I love you more than any person I’ve ever known. You’ve done nothing wrong and you’ve done everything right."

Says Simpkins of the heartbreaking message, "She was like, 'Mom, this isn't you, Mom. This is a pain I've carried this deep that I haven't wanted to share with anyone.' And I had to process that."

Simpkins, who fulfilled one of her daughter's final wishes by finishing and publishing her daughter's memoir, By the Time You Read This: The Space Between Cheslie's Smile and Mental Illness (out April 23), had known for some time that her daughter was struggling. When she was a student in law school in 2015, Kryst had attempted suicide. Afterwards, Simpkins says, "it felt like I got a second chance with her."

Related: Miss USA 2019 Cheslie Kryst's New Memoir Reveals Private Agony Before Her Suicide at Age 30 (Exclusive Excerpt)

She had made a commitment to do everything she could to support her daughter — and to "live every single day with her to its fullest," says Simpkins, 56, an HR executive. "So when she passed, I missed her desperately, but I did not feel guilt. When she says I answered every call, that's not an exaggeration. My assistant knew, anyone around me knew. There was no lunch, there was no appointment or meeting that was so important that I was not going to say, 'Give me just a moment, please. I need to take this call.'"

About a week before Kryst died, Simpkins had a conversation with her about a friend who had lost her son to suicide. "We'd gotten to the point that we could talk about anything, everything. And she shared her thoughts on what might be going on...I think her words were along the lines of, 'Sometimes people are just tired,'" Kryst says. "I remember telling her, 'I couldn't survive that, you children are literally the air in my lungs.'" For the rest of the conversation, Simpkins says, Kryst was "telling me how strong I was and how much she admired me."

That wasn't the last conversation they had, but Simpkins says it felt like Kryst's text spoke directly to the fear she had expressed, and that it was her daughter's way of easing her pain.

"So many of the things that she put in her text felt like they were in response to that conversation," Simpkins says. "I know there were people who were shocked and did not understand. But when I got to a point that I could process the things that she was saying, I understood the place where she was."

If you or someone you know needs mental health help, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or visit crisis textline.org to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.

Find more on April Simpkins and Cheslie Kryst, and an exclusive excerpt of their memoir, in this week's issue of PEOPLE, available Friday.

For more People news, make sure to sign up for our newsletter!

Read the original article on People.