Eva Mendes Wants to Break the Supermom Myth

Eva Mendes is a formidable figure. After all, the 50-year-old actress has been a Hollywood elite for decades. She’s appeared in beloved films like Training Day, Hitch, and multiple installments of the Fast and Furious franchise, has served as a spokesperson for brands such as Cartier, and of course, is one half of a bonafide celebrity power couple with longtime partner Ryan Gosling.

But when I speak to her via phone, I forget all that. Our conversation quickly becomes two moms chatting about things like how to keep your house clean with little ones and the myth of “having it all.”

It’s clear that Mendes’s main priority right now is raising her two daughters—aged seven and nine—with Gosling. She’s taken a years-long break from acting to focus on her girls (which was not a decision that she made without a lot of discussion and thought, despite what you may have read, but more on that later), and they are omnipresent in her daily life. As we chat, one of them comes over to ask her a question, then seems to hesitate when seeing her mom is on the phone. But Mendes is quick to reassure her, asking her if she’s okay and telling her she never has to apologize for needing her mother. It’s an interaction that for me, as a newer mom of a toddler, is heartwarming and refreshing, and I tell her so.

But for Mendes, having her daughters present while conducting an interview to promote her latest business venture is what it’s all about. She’s a working mom who has pivoted in her career and is still building what that all looks like.

“I don’t have it figured out,” she tells me. “I don’t have balance. I have no idea what the word balance means. I feel like, and this is a very honest answer, every time I feel like I’m succeeding in one area or excelling, I feel like I’m lacking in the other, whatever that may be. I don’t know how to balance, and I don’t know if there is such a thing as balance for me. I think maybe I’ll have to be okay just kind of being imbalanced for a while. Maybe that part of it is figuring that out.”

Part of this new chapter? Sponges. Yes, sponges. Since stepping back from acting, Mendes has been working to collaborate on business ventures that she feels connected to and a passion for. When she learned about Skura Style, a woman-founded sponge brand, while deep-cleaning during the pandemic, she knew she had found a fit. The reason why is simple: She loves doing the dishes.

“I listen to my podcast, I do my dishes, I go to bed with a clean kitchen, and it’s nothing short of heaven to wake up to a clean sink and a clean kitchen and make my coffee,” she says. “It’s one of the little things in life that I just love.”

Mendes is now the co-owner of Skura Style and just released an exclusive line of sponges she designed at Target. Ahead of the launch, we chatted about what people have misunderstood about her break from the (acting) spotlight, what she wants her next chapter to be, and what in the kitchen she does not excel at.

Glamour: As someone who embraces the title of clean freak, I love that you’ve chosen to go into the sponge business. What made you want to get involved?

Eva Mendes: I’ve always loved cleaning. I’ve always specifically loved cleaning the kitchen. I thought it was a Cuban thing. My mom and my sisters and my aunts love to clean, love to do the dishes. The way I grew up, it was never a chore. My mom would yell at us for leaving our clothes out, but the kitchen was just a fun place where if you saw dirty pots, you would just clean them. So it was always this kind of emotional bonding experience, especially when people were around. I never saw it as a chore. Finally when I got my own place as a young adult, I just really enjoyed it, not only cleaning but doing the dishes specifically. I would put my music on and keep the tradition.

I feel like being a parent is finding the balance between having a clean (enough) home you can live with and not driving yourself crazy trying to control the constant chaos of kids. What’s your best advice for achieving that?

It’s definitely giving up that idea that it’s always going to be clean. That’s just impossible with kids. I find it easier now at seven and nine, but when they were smaller, it was just impossible at times. Now I just engage them in the activities, and it makes it more fun. It can be a bonding experience—include them when you can. When they were smaller and I couldn’t include them, I gave up that idea of ever having the sink clear, and I knew it was just temporary.

That makes me feel better because I hold myself to such a high standard and feel bad. And then it’s like, “You know what? No. Every mom feels this.”

No, every mom feels that. That’s why I am really not okay with the whole supermom thing that people assign certain mothers. Every mother is a supermom. Every mother is doing the best that they can. There are certain areas I thrive in. I enjoy cleaning and keeping a clean house, but I’m a terrible cook. I really feel bad. I’m not one of those moms that’s making a meal every night and knows how to bake her own sourdough bread. That wasn't me during the pandemic, and it's not me now. I have my strengths, and cooking isn’t one of them. It doesn’t mean I take them to the drive-through every day. That’s not what I’m saying. But I try to be nice to myself about what I’m not great at as a mom and as a person.

I think a lot of women pivot in their career when they become moms. You’ve spoken about how you haven’t been acting, you’ve been raising your kids, and now ’re doing this and other business ventures. How has that transition been for you?

For me…recently in an interview I said it was almost like nonverbal agreement Ryan and I had [to step back from acting]. That got—not twisted, but taken out of context because I meant it was almost a no-brainer. But there was actually obviously a lot of thought and conversation—especially on my end—of what I wanted to do with my life. It was very clear to me that I didn’t want to be away from the kids. Acting takes you on location for months. But I still wanted to work. So I had to get creative about what that work was going to be.

I think the sentiment you expressed is pretty relatable. What do you want people to understand about what you were trying to say?

Oh, I just saw these quotes that there was a “nonverbal agreement.” In print, it made me go, Oh, wait, that makes it seem like there was no communication. It didn’t just happen. There was a lot of thought on my end on what I wanted to do with my life. So when I said that—casually in a conversation—the context is that after years of me having not only a 20-year career by that point acting, but years of me thinking about it and what I wanted to do...it just came across as too simple and not accurate. It was one of those things like, Oh, bummer; that’s not what I was trying to say. It was just that it got misinterpreted, but whatever. There are worse things.

I’m reminded of Jessica Alba, who stepped back from acting once she had kids and now is a billion-dollar cofounder. I think your experience is pretty common, and a lot of parents reevaluate their priorities. How did you decide what this next chapter would look like?

I’ve always been a hustler. I’ve always had side hustles; my mom instilled in me since I was a little girl. I’m a first-generation American, my family’s Cuban. She told me to always be financially independent, have your own money, and never rely on a man for money. So I have that embedded. I’ve always just felt like, Okay, what’s next? How can I make a business out of something that I love? Let me just try. I’ve not been scared to try things. I’m actually fearful of not trying something and then living in regret. I have failed businesses that, to me, I learned so much from, and I wouldn’t think of it as failed, but that’s what they’re called out there.

What else have you tried?

I designed dresses for a while and I did various things. I endorsed certain beauty companies, and then I found the sponges during the pandemic. I was on what I call a sponge hunt, because I was going crazy, cleaning everything, probably doing more damage than good. But anyway, I found Skura sponges and it just clicked for me because again, I love doing the dishes. I love when my kitchen is clean, specifically my kitchen. I just feel better. It’s definitely reflective of how I’m feeling on the inside when my kitchen is a disaster. When I can just clean my kitchen, it’s just so fun. I enjoy it. And I’m also nocturnal, so I enjoy staying up and having that time for myself. I understand that not everybody does, but I do enjoy that. I don’t enjoy waking up in the morning. That’s not my time to shine. So I never want to wake up and do the dishes. I want to wake up to clean dishes.

You’ve also written a children’s book—Desi, Mami, and the Never-Ending Worries—which will be released September 17. What was your journey to becoming an author?

Yeah, I didn’t want to be another celebrity with the kid’s book. There’s enough out there, amazing books by celebrities, so I was like, We don’t need a book from me. But then I thought, Wait a minute; I actually have something to share because I have these nighttime struggles with my kids. They have these worries, and we go through it together. I wanted to share my story as a mom when it comes to nighttime and sleep and those worries that we have during the day that the kids have that are amplified at nighttime. And I just thought, If I’m going through this, definitely there are other moms going through this. So I wanted to share my story and I thought, How fun. And I found a great partner in Abby Bryant, who’s an illustrator, who knew exactly what I was going for. It happened so quickly. Everybody was super shocked, including myself.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Stephanie McNeal is a senior editor at Glamour and the author of Swipe Up for More! Inside the Unfiltered Lives of Influencers.

Originally Appeared on Glamour