Bravo’s ‘The Valley’ Takes a Real Look at Intimacy After Babies—and It’s Worth Watching

It's more than a 'Vanderpump Rules' spin off. It's an important conversation starter for new parents.

Fact checked by Sarah Scott

Full disclosure, I’ve been a ride or die for Vanderpump Rules (VPR) since season one. My life was basically put on hold last year to consume every bit of “Scandoval” and then dissect it all with my group chat, which buzzed 24/7. But, I resisted watching Bravo’s latest reality show, a spin-off of VPR, called The Valley.

I’ve done a pretty good job at “adulting,” so watching “adults” on VPR refuse to grow up and make terrible decisions about their personal, professional, and financial lives has served as my escapism for over a decade.

Even as many stars of VPR got married, had babies, and bought houses—their cheating, hypocrisy, and delusion still made for a terrific break from my own “put together” life in the suburbs with my husband, daughter, and writing career. Our biggest “scandals" of late have revolved around a possible school redistricting and a sump pump failure that caused a massive (and expensive) flood in our basement.

So no, at first, I did not want to watch The Valley, which was presented as a show about former VPR cast members Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright navigating their marriage and life as new parents. They moved away from the debauchery of Los Angeles for a “grown up” life in the Valley.

We’d meet their friends—mostly other married couples with kids—and be privy to the journey of another VPR alum, Kristen Doute, trying to fulfill her dream of becoming a mother with the help of her boyfriend who technically lives in another state.

I did not want to see Jax, a man who walked so “Scandoval” could run, driving carpool, mowing the lawn, and setting up playdates.

But I was wrong—and I’m happy to share my error in judgment so you don’t miss out. The Valley is a groundbreaking reality show in that it accurately depicts how marriages shift after a baby (or two), the crushing stress of being new parents, and the challenges of getting to know your postpartum self—while trying to remember who you were before.

Why ‘The Valley’ Is So Relatable

Sure, on the surface, parenthood and marriage is “glamorized” because it’s still a reality TV show—but when you dig deeper, all the relationships on The Valley are teetering on the edge.

One couple (Nia and Danny Booko) welcomed twins a mere six weeks before filming began, while another pair (Janet and Jason Caperna) is going through the emotional highs and lows of their first pregnancy. It feels pioneering to watch Janet prepare for the arrival of her first child by making her husband wear a faux pregnancy belly and low key panic over all the baby stuff she must buy.

I lost my job at six months pregnant and did everything I could to hide my bump from potential employers. Watching Janet flaunt her bump—as part of her job on a national TV show—is empowering. And, two couples (the aforementioned Jax and Brittany, and Jesse and Michelle Lally) have announced that since filming wrapped, they’ve unfortunately separated.

Among all the couples however, there’s tension over how to parent, major disconnects in communication, and a lack of intimacy and/or dwindling sex lives. Parents everywhere should thank them for their service—they’ve broken the silence (and shame) over what so many go through but are afraid to share.

Nia, the mom of 6-week-old twins and a toddler (“three under 2!” as her husband likes to yell out as a reminder—like she needs one!), is in the throes of pumping, sleep deprivation, and leaving her kids for work trips. Plus, she’s on camera which means wearing real clothes, putting on makeup, and brushing her hair.

I think I wore maternity sweatpants the entire first year of my daughter’s life. Nia's vulnerability has particularly resonated with me. In one episode, she brings her sister-in-law along to a party to help watch her twins so she can feed them between feeble attempts at having fun.

But things go south when she starts crying after her husband’s pants are pulled down as part of a stupid prank. Those tears brought me back to the six-week mark of my own postpartum journey. I was sitting at the dinner table with my husband and in-laws. I had just finished nursing my daughter and suddenly felt like the floor was going to swallow me whole. I handed my baby to the nearest adult and ran to the bathroom where I sat on the toilet seat and sobbed—for an hour—and then it was like nothing happened.

Except a lot was happening. My hormones were out of whack, breastfeeding was taking a toll, and my whole world now revolved around a tiny baby who wouldn’t let me sleep. Unprompted crying fits were another notch on the list of “things no one ever tells you” about having a baby (most shocking, at least in my book, being that you and your baby leave the hospital in diapers).

Yes, It’s Normal for Your Relationship To Change After Baby

When I was a new mom and found a group of other new mom friends, we all initially tiptoed around the reality that having a baby changes you—and your marriage. No one wants to be first to admit that things are rough or there are cracks in even the most solid partnerships.

During one girl’s night, where perhaps the wine flowed a little too freely, one mom shared a text exchange with her husband, eviscerating him for leaving a dirty diaper on the changing table and threatening divorce. Extreme? Yes. Surprising? No.

It finally gave us permission to vent about our husbands one day and declare our love for them the next. We needed that judgment free, safe space as a means to manage the hormonal roller coaster our emotions were on.

This is why watching Jesse and Michelle in a life coaching session where they realize the last time they had sex was when they conceived their now 3-year-old daughter makes for riveting television. No one wants to raise their hand and say they need help or more emotional support. We don’t want to throw our partners under the bus or hurt their feelings when sex is off the table. But we all have our breaking point.

I’ve witnessed many blowouts between parents who are not on the same page about raising their child—yet are desperately ready for baby number two, convinced it’ll “make things better.” It’s refreshing that on The Valley, no one is putting on a happy face and acting like having a kid doesn’t change us as individuals and couples. They’re rawness is to our benefit.

I have a supportive husband and we are truly partners. But he’s a firefighter/paramedic with a rotating schedule. Since our daughter was born, it means I’m on my own several days a week to figure out dinner, school pick up, errands, and after-school activities—while getting my own work done.

While we do make time for regular date nights or even just binging a show after our daughter goes to bed, the inconsistencies of our schedules can often leave me tired and depleted. That means that even though I’ve not lost an ounce of attraction to my husband and believe intimacy is important—feeling “in the mood” doesn’t hit as much as it did before adding the mental load of motherhood.

Of course The Valley has plenty of petty drama and blowout fights that have zero to do with marriage or parenting—after all, it is a VPR spin-off. But it’s opening the conversation that it’s normal to argue with your partner about your parenting styles. It's showing that pregnant and postpartum bodies are ones to be celebrated. It normalizes the changes in priorities—and intimacy—after you have kids.

And I hope it ignites real conversations about how having kids, albeit amazing, tests relationships—even the ones on (seemingly) solid ground.

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