65 Pirate Jokes That Arrrr Hilarious for Kids and Adults Alike

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When the real pirates of yore first landed on America’s shores in the 1600s, little did they know that one day, they would become some of the best punchlines for jokes in history. As it turns out, pirate lore and all of their well-known characteristics are ripe for punning. That’s why it’s so darn easy to come up with pirate jokes and lots of ‘em.

Living comfortably within the realm of dad jokes, pirate jokes are perfect for sharing with your kids at the family dinner table. They can also make an appearance at pirate-themed birthday parties — put them on party favor bags, chalkboards, banners, and more. And they’re not just limited to birthday parties. Pirate jokes can also show up at summer pool parties (even doggie ones!) and ocean-themed soireés.

Pirate jokes can also swashbuckle their way into pirate movie night when you and your family watch any of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, The Princess Bride, Hook, and The Goonies.

And since these pirate jokes are geared toward kid humor (though adults will still find them to be hidden treasures), your littles can even take them to school to make their class-mateys giggle! They might even make for a great “stand-up comedy” show-and-tell too.

Although you could take to the high seas to track down the best pirate jokes around, we’ve done some treasure hunting to discover ones that are sure to make your whole crew laugh. Arrr you ready?

The Funniest Pirate Jokes for Kids and Adults

  1. Why are pirates called pirates?
    Because they arrrrr!

  2. Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
    He was sitting on the deck.

  3. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
    Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.

  4. What does a pirate say on his 80th birthday?
    “Aye matey years old!”.

  5. Why does it take a pirate so long to learn the alphabet?
    Because they get stuck at “C.”

  6. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of fish?
    A GOLDfish.

  7. What happens if you take the “p” out of a pirate?
    He becomes irate!

  8. Which pirate makes the best clam chowder?
    Captain Cook.

  9. What do you call a pirate with three eyes?

  10. What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the snow bank?
    Shiver me timbers.

  11. Which instrument do pirates love in music class?
    The guitaaarrrrrrr.

  12. Which costume does a pirate wear for Halloween?
    He wears a Pumpkin Patch!

  13. Why don’t pirates get hungry when shipwrecked on an island?
    Because of all the sand which is there.

    where did captain hook get his hook
    Woman's Day
  14. Where did Captain Hook get his hook?
    At a second hand store.

  15. Why wouldn't the pirate fight the octopus?
    It was too well-armed.

  16. What is a pirate’s favorite kind of cookie?
    Ship’s Ahoy!

  17. How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
    About a buck an ear.

  18. What's a pirate's favorite vegetable?

  19. When is the best time for a pirate to buy a ship?
    When it is on the sail!

  20. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
    The letter RRRRRRR!

  21. Where did the one-legged pirate go for breakfast?

  22. What’s a pirate’s worst enemy?

  23. What did the ocean say to the captain of the pirate ship?
    Nothing! The ocean just waved.

  24. What’s the best name for a pirate dog?

  25. What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school?
    Captain Hooky.

  26. How do pirates prefer to communicate?
    Aye to aye!

    how did the pirate find out he needed glasses
    Woman's Day
  27. How did the pirate find out he needed glasses?
    He took an aye exam!

  28. What do you call a pirate with two legs and two eyes?
    A newbie.

  29. What does one pirate say to his friend?
    He says, “I sea you!”

  30. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
    An arm and a leg.

  31. Where do pirates park their pirate ships?
    In the harrrrrrbor.

  32. What does Santa say while visiting pirates?
    He says, “Row row row.”

  33. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
    A nervous wreck.

  34. Why did the pirate go for a vacation?
    He needed a little arrr and arrr.

  35. Why do people find it very hard to call a pirate?
    Because he always leaves his phone off the hook.

  36. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise?
    The plank!

  37. What was the name of the pirate’s girlfriend?

  38. What’s a pirate’s favorite country?

  39. Which gym did the pirate visit?
    The Gold’s Gym.

    what grades did the pirate get in school
    Woman's Day
  40. What grades did the pirates get in school?
    High C’s.

  41. Which two football teams were at the finals of the pirate Superbowl?
    The Buccaneers and the Seahawks.

  42. What is a pirate’s favorite color?

  43. What did the pirate say during the winter storm?
    “Thar she snows!”

  44. What is a pirate’s hairstyle called?
    A crew cut.

  45. What’s a pirate’s least favorite veggie?

  46. What game do parrots in pirate ships love playing the most?
    Hide and speak!

  47. Why does the pirate carry his sword?
    Because swords can’t walk.

  48. Which famous pirate was always sad?
    Captain Blue-Beard.

  49. What did the pirate get when he crossed a cat with a parrot?
    A carrot!

  50. Why can’t the pirates fire their weapons on Saturdays?
    Because they only cannon Sundays!

  51. How do pirates call each other?
    On their aye phones.

  52. Why did you join a band of pirates?
    Pier pressure.

    what does a pirate eat for breakfast
    Woman's Day
  53. What does a pirate eat for breakfast?
    Captain Crunch.

  54. What do pirates wear when it is cold?
    Long Johns.

  55. Why did the pirate pull out of the stock market?
    Because he was in shark-invested waters!

  56. What do you call a pirate that puts a belt on a pumpkin?
    A squashbuckler.

  57. What do you get if you cross a pirate and a tropical fruit?

  58. Why do pirates really like pizza?
    Because it usually comes in pieces o' eight.

  59. If a farmer has a cabbage patch, what does a pirate have?
    An eye patch!

  60. Where are American pirates from?

  61. Do pirates like to fight?
    Sword of.

  62. Why does the Captain sail a ship?
    Because he let his car-go!

  63. Why were the kids so restless in pirating class?
    Because they were overbored!

  64. What did the pirate say when he quit his job?
    Sorry Captain, me heartys just not in it anymore!

  65. Who did the ghost pirate hire to repair his boat?
    A skeleton crew!

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