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Today's subject is...boyfriends. Before you have one, you probably imagine it'd be a little something like this:
In reality, though, boyfriends tend to be less charming, a whole lot more sarcastic, and, at times, absolutely infuriating.
(I should know — I was one...and am now a less charming/sarcastic/infuriating husband. Hi honey!)
But you want examples, right? Here are a bunch of guys who may or may not still be in relationships by the time you read this:
1. This boyfriend burned a fried chicken-scented firelog when his girlfriend's vegetarian family came over:
2. This boyfriend surprised his girlfriend with a new shower curtain featuring a lot of Jeff Goldblum:
3. This boyfriend replaced the photos in his girlfriend's "live, laugh, love" frames with...well, just look:
Why yes, that is the cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation:
4. This boyfriend tried to cool tensions after his girlfriend stopped talking to him by sending her an Amazon gift with the message "I've been trying to reach you about our relationship's extended warranty":
5. This boyfriend sent his girlfriend this photo the very first time she left the dog home alone with him:
6. And this boyfriend did almost the exact same thing with his girlfriend's cat:
7. This boyfriend got tired of his girlfriend saying "Whatever" when it came time to decide what to eat, so he ordered a pizza with quite the customization.
It reads: "Please send me an extra empty box that has 'whatever' written in big letters because that's what my girlfriend says she wants."
8. This boyfriend — oh boy — never rinses out his cup between drinks, and will go straight from milk and cookies to water (pictured below):
9. And this is what this boyfriend's cupboards look like:
10.This boyfriend decided to test whether his girlfriend was fearless or not by putting this Taylor Swift cutout at the top of the stairs:
so my boyfriend decided to scare me by putting taylor at the top of the stairs
11. This boyfriend got a cake to commemorate the first time his girlfriend farted in front of him:
12. And this boyfriend's prank was really funny, but I wonder where he moved once he told her he was the one responsible:
13. Meanwhile, this is what this boyfriend's gaming setup looks like:
Sorry, ladies, he's taken!
14.This boyfriend went to get sponges for the kitchen and somehow came back with the most creepy and unsettling sponge possible:
My boyfriend is not allowed to buy anything for our apartment ever again
15. This "solutions engineer" boyfriend had the audacity to "replace" the toilet paper roll like this:
16. This boyfriend thought his girlfriend's idea that they exchange books for their anniversary meant he should get books on a) sex positions, and b) living with a huge penis:
Her gift, meanwhile, was a 1920s dystopian book by a Russian author of great literary significance, so, you know, basically the same as the giant penis book.
17. And this boyfriend celebrated his anniversary with his girlfriend by giving her a picture of her dog like this:
18. This boyfriend upset his girlfriend when she found what looked like a condom in his wallet, but thankfully he had a wholesome explanation:
19. This boyfriend came upon a note from his girlfriend reading, "Do not use toaster — it was smoking," and replied thusly:
His response reads: "Gave it a nicotine patch. It quit smoking. Give it words of encouragement to prevent relapse."
20.And this Coke-loving boyfriend, after learning that his girlfriend liked Pepsi Next, did this:
21. Now in case you think things get better when you get married, here's how this husband labeled his wife's vegan dressing:
It reads: "Something that is not entirely unlike Caesar dressing."
22. And this husband installed a claw machine in the bathroom for his wife to use to get her meds, which, for his sake, I hope she found hilarious:
23. Oh, what the heck, we can't let girlfriends 100% off the hook, can we? This girlfriend brought some exotic fruit home for her boyfriend to eat without noticing, uh, the label:
The (yikes) label:
24. This girlfriend wears matching outfits with her cat:
They're lucky they're cute.
25. And speaking of cats, this girlfriend put a cat butt in the middle of the chicken pot pie she made for some reason:
These people after doing all of these things, probably: