Of singer Teyana Taylor's many notable achievements, the latest of which is her killer big-cat turn in Kanye West's "Fade" music video, no achievement is more noteworthy than the one that mostly marked her pop culture debut: her appearance on My Super Sweet 16 in 2007 (season four, episode eight to be precise). Every Super Sweet 16 episode was a gift to the world, but Teyana's party was a particular treat to behold - and it's still available to rewatch at MTV, though unfortunately in potato quality. Below, the most memorable happenings:
1. The theme of Teyana's party is "'80s old school skateboard." "Everybody's going to be dressed '80s," she explains, which will be novel and fun because none of her peers were even born then. MY GOD.
2. She gives out her invitations from a rented ice cream truck. (Remember, this is a #classic My Super Sweet 16 moment.) The invitations also feature a necklace with a skateboard pendant on them.
3. She apparently buys a bracelet worth $275,000 in the episode's first scene. "I get whatever I want from my mom," Teyana explains. "She's, like, wrapped around my little finger."
4. Her mom also rents out "an entire museum" as the party venue. But wait! "I don't like it," Teyana says. "This looks like a piece of crap." "I want a marching band ... singing 'Happy Birthday Teyana,'" she adds. "I want a skateboard ramp. I want a graffiti artist drawing my face on the walls." (She eventually consents to the venue regardless.)
5. Unfortunately, on the morning of her party, Teyana's mom says it would have cost too much - $2 million in insurance, apparently - to get a skateboard ramp. This is Teyana's reaction face:
6. She does get her marching band though! Also, suddenly, there are some shirtless hotties and no context is provided but, TBH, none is necessary. It turns out they're escorting Teyana, styled like a Barbie doll inside a box, into her party.
7. Teyana's entrance dress is a custom-made piece from Heatherette designer Richie Rich. It literally looks like a magical rainbow unicorn pooped itself on some tulle, and the poop is mostly glitter, but also has some fake flowers in it (it's Nicki Minaj's aesthetic circa 2012, basically).
That's a compliment! Everyone loves it:
8. She gets a diamond grill to accessorize with!
9. Oh, and she also gets a pair of special $700 Nike sneakers. The sneakers are from Paris, France, thanks very much. (They are legit hideous.) Despite dropping $275,000 on a bracelet before the first commercial, remember, Teyana's mom is like, "Hmmm, nope," on this purchase though. "You don't have any money, Teyana," she says. #Burn.
10. Instead of the requisite My Super Sweet 16 car gift, Teyana and her mom go shopping for a BMX. I mean, this makes sense, she lives in NYC, and a monthly unlimited Metrocard just doesn't seem that exciting on camera?! She adds gold rims to the bike.
11. Also, LOL, LOL, JK she gets a car as well!! In the episode's grand finale, she gets a big white Range Rover, because of course she does.
12. OMG and Pharrell Williams shows up. He had just signed Teyana to his record label though, so it's a shrewd RSVP.
13. Her cake is kinda basic though. Not to be rude, I just take cake seriously. It appears to be styled like a graffiti-covered subway car, but that means it's basically just a tray cake with some cupcakes and sparklers around the side. (To be clear, I would still eat the frosting.)
Follow Alex on Twitter.