Why Posting Photos of Your Kids on Facebook Could Be Effing With Their Health
A couple of years ago, I snapped a few photos of my daughter and she exclaimed "I don't want my photo on Facebook, mom!" She was in kindergarten and I was shocked that she even understood the concept of social media. But that forced me to ask the larger question of what impact my need to post pictures of my daughter was having on her development.
These days it's basically impossible to scroll through your Facebook or Instagram feed and not see parents "sharenting," or over-sharing their parenting moments.
"A lot of these things you think are harmless, are not actually that harmless," says child and adolescent development expert, and author of The Collapse of Parenting, Dr. Leonard Sax. "Social media is a performance. It doesn't have to be, but it is. It's something we do to impress others. If you are a parent, you want to help your kid figure out who they are, and who they want to be, and social media, because it's all an act, gets in the way."
"My first question to parents when they ask if it's okay to post about their child is, 'Why are you doing this?'" says Dr. Sax, who counsels parents on building boundaries around social media for your kids. "The most common motivation for posting is because parents want others to see how amazing their kid is...and, really, they're not that many people interested in your kids photos outside of your family. It's very unhealthy parenting."
But how is it exactly that our behavior as parents rubs off on our kids? It's not like we're necessarily standing in front of them and saying, "Hey, sweetie, Mommy is so happy to have (x amount of) likes on your photo on Facebook. You should also find that gratifying!"
Dr. Sax believes that whether or not we're saying those sentiments out loud, our children can still detect our behavior. "You'll see 9-year-old girls losing sleep over how many likes they're getting on Instagram," he says, adding that the recommended age to allow children to have individual social media accounts is 13; and that it's around age 9 that you'll see kids asking to have their own accounts. He also suggests moms use security apps like Net Nanny and My Mobile Watchdog, which report every site children are visiting.
We all want to share. You may just want to consider how much you're doing it, why, and what kind of example you're providing for your kid. Are you so focused on posting that recital pic that you realize you've been staring at your smartphone the whole time instead of the stage? And for what purpose? The motivation matters in the end.
"How many likes you have, how many followers you have, doesn't matter," says Dr. Sax. "It's the amount of real friends you have." And you want to be able to model this for your children.
Nuy Cho is the mother of one and the founder of NuyBeauty.com.
