This Hilarious Meme of Sarah Paulson Touching Rihanna’s Hair Shows Why You Should Always Ask for Permission

Whether people are trying to ban it, appropriate it, or touch it, black hair and society’s attitudes toward it are hot topics in the beauty realm. And one viral photo is bringing a humorous slant to the experiences some black people have interacting with nonblack people who are curious about Afro hair textures.

The photo in question is of Sarah Paulson and Rihanna filming Ocean’s Eight. In the photo, Paulson is seen touching one of the pop singer’s faux locs. It’s unclear whether Paulson is touching Rihanna’s hair as a part of the movie, if she got permission, or if she just went in there and grabbed a loc. “I just think that all lives matter and it’s not a race thing. Btw love the corn roads,” one caption of the photo reads, poking fun (as the rest do) at the interactions people sometimes have with those who don’t appear to be familiar with black hair. The meme highlights the awkward situations some people with Afro-textured hair have when dealing with people who don’t necessarily know how to compliment or respectfully approach their hair, or those who are simply uncomfortable interacting with black people on a one-on-one basis.

Because of curiosity, some can forget that many black people (or people in general) would prefer not to have their hair touched by random strangers or people who don’t ask first. In July, natural hair YouTuber Whitney White (Naptural85) got on Twitter to recount a story of a time when a white woman touched her hair without her permission as she was standing in a checkout line at an airport. “Was never for OR against strangers touching my hair until now,” she prefaced the story. A married couple standing in front of her saw her and started commenting on her hair. At first, the man complimented White’s hair, but things took a turn when his wife decided to get a little handsy.

“He says, ‘Man! She loves touching your people’s hair! Every time she sees it, she says it’s like a big cloud!'” White shared. “At this point, I can sense what’s coming next, so I politely say ‘thanks so much!’ & turn towards the cashier to try and end the conversation. The wife pays for her things … and moves out [of] the way so that I can pay. I place my M&Ms and wipes on the counter … and notice out the corner of my eye, the man talking to his wife; she looks, turns around with a big smile on her face and looks at me… I sense her looking at me, so I look at her … and then hear the man tell her, ‘touch it!! Touch it!!’ She leans in with her hand out, and I’m like ‘Oh!!’ ‘Uh!…’ And she puts her hand into my fro, with a gigantic smile on her face, while he has a huge smile on his … and starts touching it everywhere.”

Besides the fact that the woman decided it was OK to touch White’s hair without permission, White was doubly insulted because the woman felt it was acceptable just because her husband said so. The interaction helped White understand why some people with Afro-textured hair are so sensitive about being touched without permission. “That was SO RUDE!! It was the first time someone’s touched my hair and made me feel like an exhibit or animal. I get it now COMPLETELY.”

Adults should know that it is rude to reach out and touch people’s hair, regardless of texture, without asking first. But the curiosity of people about Afro-textured hair sometimes leads people to overstep their boundaries. This discussion comes up in mainstream media every few months, and it’s common enough that several entertainers have addressed the issue. Solange Knowles‘s latest album, A Seat at the Table, includes a song titled “Don’t Touch My Hair.” Comedienne Phoebe Robinson recently released a book with a similar title, You Can’t Touch My Hair and Other Things I Still Have to Explain.

People with all different types of hair textures sometimes find uninvited fingers digging into their tresses, but for many with Afro-textured hair, particularly those who live in Western societies, the message often has been that their hair is unkempt and unattractive in its natural state. So to have people touch it or act as if it is some kind of strange thing can be pretty hurtful, especially in a society in which Afro hair isn’t as widely accepted as it should be. Memes like this should help people understand, in a lighthearted way, why it is so problematic.

If you find yourself curious about how black hair feels, try to get permission — preferably from a black person you personally know — before you touch. Or, if you prefer not to make already marginalized people feel “othered” for a moment, perhaps admire their hair from afar and accept the fact that it’s not for you to feel.

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