Staying In Is the New Going Out (and Your Body Thanks You)

This could be good for your health. (Photo: MPTV Images)

I like to hit Whole Foods every Friday evening for groceries, when the place is deserted and I can raid the salad bar in peace. My friend Jordan often plans her workouts at the same time, when she finally has a moment to breathe after the workweek grind. My best friend, Steph, reneged on NYE plans in favor of homemade vegan fudge and extra sleep.

I put on hot-pink lipstick and a feathered party dress to ring in 2016, having a night on the town complete with a glass of champagne at midnight. But well before the ball dropped, I started to wish I’d gone the fudge-making-and-sleep route. Months later, I haven’t forgotten.

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According to an April 12 piece in the New York Times T magazine, millennials are slowly divorcing themselves from late nights out on the town. Mingling at the bar has been replaced by apps like Tinder and Bumble. “Netflix and chill” (single or coupled) has replaced going to the movies. Doling out extra cash and calories on meals you enjoy less than your healthy takeout (or cooking) seems rather silly.

While T writer Molly Young admits it’s hard to track how many people are opting for nights in over nights out, I’ve been noticing this shift among my friends for months. I’m far more interested in sleep than sangria these days, and although my Saturday evenings are full of adventures, I’m usually not the one taking them anymore. When you can storm your DVR for Southern Charm dinner parties before living vicariously through Carrie ’n’ crew on Sex and the City, who needs a night of “going out” and all the energy it entails?

Decompressing is hugely vital, says Stephen Graef, a psychologist at the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center, and we rarely have time to do it. “Your mind and body are like a large fuel tank,” he tells Yahoo Beauty. “Over the course of the week, everything you do requires some amount of fuel. Work takes fuel. Maintaining relationships takes fuel. The weekend is prime time to get back in balance — but we all know that between happy hours, concerts, and other excuses for late-night debauchery, it’s easy for the weekend to become a time to run past empty, rather than recharge.” As T suggests, some of us are noticing — and giving up on the going-out scene.

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Not everyone agrees with T’s assessment, of course. Jesse Singal at New York magazine’s Science of Us says that maybe young people aren’t going out less but simply getting older. “God knows I, a 32-year-old, treasure quiet Friday nights in a way my 25-year-old self probably wouldn’t have recognized,” he writes. The Awl, meanwhile, summed up T’s take in a short and simple headline: “Writer Not 23 Anymore.”

This could certainly be true for some, says Karla Ivankovich, an adjunct professor of psychology at the University of Illinois, Springfield, noting the millennial age range extends into the mid-30s. “As you transition through life stages, you begin to grasp the value of not flying through life at 100 miles an hour,” she tells Yahoo Beauty. “This is simply maturity, driven by prior experience.” But that can’t be the whole story for this slow cultural slide toward, well, being a bit boring.

I’m 24, and my friends are mostly in their mid-20s, so age doesn’t seem to be the deciding factor among us. When I look around at what we’re all doing with our Fridays and Saturdays, wellness seems to be the prime reason we’re all staying in. “On one hand, research shows that millennials are more stressed-out than any generation before,” Ivankovich says. “But on the other hand, they have access to more health-related knowledge than others have had, as well.” And it’s growing exponentially, with more advice-driven content created and consumed all the time.

This creates an interesting dynamic as we balance work and wellness, says Ivankovich. With all the opportunities we have professionally, the average millennial is burning the candle at both ends during the workweek. So when you’re maxed out and the weekend bows, you tend to recognize all you can accomplish if you don’t go out — rest! healthy eating! gym time! honoring your introvert needs! — and “staying in” to decompress looks awfully appealing.

Of course, sometimes we should probably leave our PJ sets behind in favor of meeting people IRL. “A year’s worth of weekends spent at home is a bit like never moving out of your parents’ house: At some point you have to leave the nest,” states Young in her T piece. “Leaving the nest, even just to get outside, is how we grow, challenge ourselves, and discover things that have not been tailored to our relevant interests by an algorithm.”

I agree. By all means, have yourself a fan-freaking-tastic night for the ages when you’re feeling it. But it’s also fine to acknowledge your limits and swap your late nights, caloric drinks, extravagant meals, and added pressure to socialize for better habits of self-care.

Ivankovich says that we’re often burdened by the pervasive perception that we should be having grand, romantic experiences while young. I asked her why I felt so much better when I just stopped caring. “You are actually putting your health and wellness above the hunt for love, or adventure — it’s exhausting,” she says (especially when nine out of 10 nights are not made of movie-like magic). “Allowing yourself to enjoy time alone, instead of having the pressure of impressing others, is often more rewarding physically and emotionally. It’s like taking back your control over a social scene that can be out of control.”

In fact, as she says this, I realize that I have been feeling more empowered in recent months. I still see my friends plenty, but in an age of endless opportunities for “fun,” we also seem to be growing unapologetically committed to yoga, showers, and 10:30 p.m. Friday-night bedtimes.

When I’m generally well-rested and feeling like a million bucks, the nights I do venture out into the social world are that much more welcome and special. So tonight, I’ll be in bed by midnight. There will be a nutritious Whole Foods salad in my fridge to eat after my Saturday-night workout, along with a coconut water for my complexion. And come Monday morning, I’m confident my body will thank me for the extra TLC.