Standing Up For Heroes
Photo: Glam4Good
I am peering in from the outside, unsure of exactly how to join the scene before me. It’s a little bit daunting, all these clusters of women undergoing a transformation. The energy in the room might electrify a small town.
Mary Alice Stephenson, celebrity stylist and creator of Glam4Good, has a Marine spouse by the hand and is guiding her to a rack of gowns. Next will be the jewelry table, and then the shoe selection. It’s like a reality show on steroids, with everything happening all at once and in real time.
In another part of the ballroom, the beauty team is doing their thing. Kerastase hair stylists and Dior make-up artists are wielding tools like ninjas; curling irons and hot rollers are flying. Laughter and giggles punctuate the room. Dedicated volunteers pass around hairspray and eye shadow brushes, applying eyeliner and shimmery powders. A blue-jean clad mother, who’d been pushing a wheelchair just thirty minutes before, is transformed into a goddess with ringlets. She examines herself in a small mirror and her hand rises to her mouth, her nails a deep shade of red. She breaks into a smile and her eyes fill with tears, threatening to ruin her mascara.
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Photo: Glam4Good
“Don’t you dare cry now, gurl, or I’m gonna have to beat you with this brush!” Luis, is standing in all black, hand on one hip, shaking a powder brush in mock admonishment. He gives her a sassy look and she breaks into a giggle.
I walk up to Debbie, one of the moms I know, and her face lights up with recognition. A hair stylist is flitting around her, making her feel pampered as he snips at her bangs for a new “sexy look.” He touches her shoulder and assures her she’s going to love it. I watch her visibly relax; see her melt with the simple kindness of human touch.
“Did you choose a dress?” I ask.
“I did. Something sparkly, so not me,” she says, enthusiastically. “I thought I’d surprise Billy.” Suddenly her eyes mist over and I worry I’ve said something wrong. “I just… want you to know… I am so touched to be here. I’ve never had… anyone fuss over me like this,” she tells me.
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Debbie’s son suffered a traumatic brain injury from a bomb in Iraq. Her husband left the family a few years ago. There are other children, who I can only assume receive less of her attention and resources than she would like. She has medical bills and now a full-time job. Debbie is stretched to capacity, wearing so many hats, tending to so many needs, I’m afraid she will snap like a branch. And yet I can see what this day is doing for her soul. I am watching the transformative power of beauty and fashion, the way it lights them up from the inside out. All of this pampering and beautifying is the best medicine for this room full of women, who collectively have served their country as veterans or as caregivers to those who have been injured.
Stand Up for Heroes (www.bobwoodrufffoundation.org/sufh) is the annual fundraiser for the Bob Woodruff Foundation. My husband and I began the charity eight years ago, after he was gravely injured in Iraq. During that time, I was instantly thrust into the unfamiliar role of caregiver, learning, first hand, about the long, grueling road of recovery. It was the families we witnessed around us in the hospital that became the inspiration for the work. And the intervening years we have been proud to raise and give away $21 million to veterans’ causes.
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Each year, in early November, the foundation brings to New York more than 60 injured service members and their loved ones for a spectacular concert of comedy and music, part of the NY Comedy Festival (www.nycomedyfestival.com) with performers like Bruce Springsteen, Jon Stewart, Jerry Seinfeld and more, all donating their talents to help these heroes heal. But it’s this afternoon, during the Caregiver Makeovers, that has become my favorite part of the entire three-day event.
Photo: Glam4Good
This afternoon of beautifying grew out of my attending a winter adaptive sports event for veterans in Colorado. As I walked on an icy path to the ski slope, I encountered the wife of a Vietnam Vet, whose wheel chair was stuck in the slush. She smiled gratefully when I offered to help. Since his injury in the early 70’s, her entire life had been largely defined by being the woman behind the chair.
“These events are wonderful for the guys,” she said quietly, out of breath from the altitude and the climb. “But they kind of forget about us.” That was a lightning bolt moment for me, someone who had been lucky enough to shed the role of caregiver once my husband had recovered so fully.
While most of us focus on those who served when we think about veterans, each caregiver in the equation continues serving. Every single day. It’s easy to forget about the people behind the scenes, yet their role is so much more than a supporting one. They are mission critical to the success of that veteran’s healing or transition home. They are central to the entire family. However the women in the chairs before me receive no recognition from our country, there are no medals for them, no parades or honors, no paid vacation days.
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Collectively, these women have served for months, years, and lifetimes by bedsides and in hospital rooms. They served in uniform or they served on the homefront. They served their country whether or not enlisting was a personal lifelong dream or a decision their child made with which they vehemently disagreed. They served, regardless of their politics, and whether or not these were wars they believed in. They served as mothers, sisters, spouses, daughters, and friends. Going to bed each night and praying the phone won’t ring is a kind of service most of us civilians can’t imagine.
Of the women before me, growing more glamorous by the minute, some spend days pushing wheel chairs, helping with prosthetic devices or advocating for the proper benefits and treatments. They have become proficient at administering medications and therapy exercises. Cumulatively, they’ve driven hundreds of thousands of miles to doctor’s appointments, counseling, cognitive and physical therapies. None of this comes with a paycheck.
The “real lives” of these caregivers takes place away from the camera’s glare. They are the unsung heroes of our nation. And on this day, “Makeover Day” as we have come to call it, the beauty and fashion industry in New York says, “Thank you.” In a few short hours these women will take the arm of their husband, brother, son or friend and walk with pride down the red carpet, cameras flashing, in their gorgeous new ensembles.
The ability to help others heal lies within each of us. And the power of beauty on this day to restore the soul and transform the women before me flows both ways. It’s not just the caregivers who are receiving a gift. The make up artists and hairdressers, the volunteers who make it all run smoothly, are participating in the profound experience of using their talents to show their appreciation. They tell all of us at the Bob Woodruff Foundation that words can’t quite capture what it feels like to be a part of that day.
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As they comb and spray, moisturize, highlight and define, their talents conjure up the outlines of the women’s former, freer selves. They remember what it feels like to dress up for a big night out, or fuss in front of a make up mirror before a party. And for this one night, every woman in the front rows of the concert feels like Cinderella. Beyonce can’t touch her. She is a superstar, Queen for a Day.
And now it’s me fighting back tears. Debbie’s son has arrived in the room, leaning on his cane. The scar that runs across his skull from his brain injury surgery is visible through his short crew cut. I can see him trying to pick his mother out of the crowd of glamorous, garrulous women who have now all officially bonded over outfits, gossip, hair-dos and false lashes.
And now he spots her. His face looks momentarily confused, downright bewildered as he tries to reconcile the stone cold fox before him with the mother he delivered here in jeans and a sweater two hours ago.
“It’s me,” she laughs, moving toward him and twirling in her dress, trying to balance on her strappy heels.
“You look amazing,” he says with a giant grin. And her expression says it all.
This year’s Stand Up for Heroes event is November 5th in the theater at Madison Square Garden. Click here to purchase tickets.
