Real Couples Talk About How They Cope With Differing Sex Drives
If you and your partner have different sex drives, it can feel like a low-key death sentence. No one wants to make their partner feel obligated to have sex (or feel obligated to have sex themselves), but you also don't want either of you to feel sexually unfulfilled. A recent AskReddit thread prompted coupled users to talk about how they cope with having differing sex drives so you can cope better too.
1. Schedule sex, but like, in a hot way. IhadtofindAusername says they schedule sex on Tuesdays and Saturdays, kind of like you would yoga or grocery shopping. They explain: "It might appear boring, but it is surprisingly calming. There are no surprises, but there are also no nagging, resentment or expectations." Just regularly scheduled boning.
2. Masturbate because you can. Your partner doesn't owe you sex ever, so if they can't give you what you want when you want it, that's why you have hands (or vibes, etc.) Use them.
3. Realize that if your partner doesn't want to have sex with you this minute, it's probably not personal. Unless they're mad at you or you have some issues between you, they probably just don't feel like having sex right now. NomadsFireWok says it took him a long time to get the point where he didn't take his wife's occasional disinterest in sex personally, but his relationship has been better for it. He explains: "I understand that she's not rejecting me, she's just rejecting sex. And we both make it a point to show affection and caring in other parts of our relationship."
4. Be open to receiving whatever they can give whenever they can give it. Sure, you might be in the mood for cunnilingus, but if all he can manage is fingering today, relish that. Billbapapa says he often ends up compromising by getting hand jobs, but he adds, "that tides me over and honestly keeps me really happy especially given I know she's doing it to make me happy/'cause she cares." He also makes sure to return the favor when she's in the mood.
5. If your needs change, tell each other. Billbapapa recommends being super open about your changing needs, whether that means needing more or less sex, or if you want your partner to do something differently from now on. Having that kind of openness with each other can allow for adjustments to be made which usually = happiness.
