Philomena Kwao: I Used to Think Being Beautiful Meant Being Lighter-Skinned

Philomena Kwao currently appears in the new Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue in Swimsuitsforall’s groundbreaking #SwimSexy campaign. In addition to modeling for brands like Beth Ditto Collection, Torrid, and Addition Elle, the UK native is a passionate advocate with organizations like Women for Women and The Lily Project. Here, alongside some photos from JAG’S “10” project, she sounds off on how the plus-size industry needs to push diversity beyond size and how modeling helped her find self-confidence.

I grew up in London and I didn’t really understand the big deal with Sports Illustrated. It’s not a really big magazine in the UK, but there was a model that I really looked up to, her name is Damaris Lewis, and I found Sports Illustrated swimsuit pictures of hers. I remember she wasn’t as thin as the other girls, and she had a beautiful rich skin tone like my own, and she became one of my role models. That’s when I thought, This is something I’d like to be in in the future. Just to be in the pages for me is self-affirming because I didn’t realize that I myself could be a swimsuit model. It’s a magazine that has for so long set the standards of what it means to be ‘beach ready’ or what it means to look good in a bikini, and they’re breaking down the definitions that they themselves set and they’re becoming more attuned to body positivity.

I don’t have a word that I use to describe my body. I never have and I don’t think I will. I’m very indifferent to words. Over time, there are so many connotations that you have with words, especially words like plus or curvy or whatever, and some of them are negative. I feel like if you use specific words to describe yourself, you’ll then take on those connotations. I always describe myself as ‘Philomena.’ I don’t need the words because I feel like I’m an individual, there’s no one else like me in this world.

It’s been a journey to love myself. Growing up, I had body confidence issues not really so much because of size, but my skin color. I had trouble recognizing that the depth of my skin tone is really beautiful because whenever people referred to a beautiful black-skinned woman, you’d see Beyoncé and Rihanna. So, you’d do harmful things to try and get to that color, like skin bleaching. I once tried those whitening soaps. My mom, who is a lot darker than I am, always taught me to celebrate my color. But I was impressionable. I would read magazines. I would watch music videos. And I would never see my tone represented, so even when my mom was constantly telling me 'You’re a beautiful girl,’ I still felt like to be accepted by society, to be seen as beautiful by everyone around me, I needed to be a fairer skin color.

I think that the plus-size industry has been great with size diversity, but it hasn’t really been great for skin tone diversity. I still feel segregation along skin tone. There’s not many models in the U.S. that have my depth, like, really dark skin, that are also plus size. Skin color has been one of those things we haven’t really, really addressed on a large, widespread scale. The fashion industry and plus-size industry on all fronts have been quite slow. With straight-size modeling they’ve made strides because they use darker-skinned models like Alek Wek. They show how dark skin can be beautiful; it may not be as frequently as we would like, but they have at least made that step. When I started, there was only one other girl that I could name that was even close to my shade. I didn’t understand why there weren’t more black plus-size models with darker skin tones. It feels like the final frontier of beauty is to be black, to be plus, to have natural hair. It’s the final acceptable form of beauty, whether it’s in modeling or TV or film, and it’s something we need to talk about.

Modeling helped me find my self-confidence. People often assume that modeling is super competitive and bitchy and mean, but I think modeling helped me find true love in myself because it helped me find my own individuality and helped me celebrate the things that set me apart from everyone else. With modeling, I’m forced to look in the mirror every day, look at pictures of myself every day, and just be like, 'Actually, I thought my thighs were horrible but they’re really not that bad!’ and 'I thought my stomach was awful, and it’s really, really not that bad!’ And I think once you get used to looking at yourself you almost overcome the fear that you had over certain parts of your body. It’s like being afraid to fly and then stepping onto the airplane and taking your first flight. It’s realizing the sky doesn’t fall apart once I wear shorts or a bikini and I’m still beautiful. Having to expose myself and come out of my shell made me more confident in myself.

I don’t think about 'maintaining’ my size, really, it’s just about feeling great. I have a green juice every day because it makes me feel more awake; it makes my skin healthier. I try and work out as much as I can because when you exercise, it releases endorphins and makes you feel really good. I also make sure I schedule time with my friends, family, and loved ones because I realize that, as well as your physical well-being, you have to look out for your mental well-being too. We spend so much time worrying about the physical that we don’t remember what’s going on inside the mind, and the mind’s really powerful.

One misconception I think is wrong is that being a larger size means, somehow, that you’re neglecting your body, or you don’t look after yourself, or you don’t love yourself enough to lose weight. We’ve been saturated with the idea that to be happy you must be thin, or to be healthy you must be thin. So if you’re not thin, you must despise yourself or not want to look after yourself. That’s why I praise the plus-size industry and praise social media like Snapchat, because what it’s doing is allowing people to showcase their unfiltered routines. It’s just a beautiful celebration of individuality.

Beauty for me means confidence and complete comfort in yourself, disregarding whatever anyone says to you, or what society says you should be. It’s waking up in the morning and being truly happy with yourself and who you are and where you are in the space that you are in your life. Beauty to me is not a physical thing. It’s a feeling. It’s a state of mind that exudes radiance and joy from you.