A Campaign to End Bullying & Spread Kindness
Best friends Lauren Paul and Molly Thompson started an anti-bullying campaign together. (Photo: Instagram)
Lauren Paul and Molly Thompson have made it their mission to empower young girls and combat the culture of bullying. Growing up, the two women were both on the receiving end of horrific cruelty from other girls. By the time they were in college where they met, the two best friends understood that their bullying was a part of a much bigger problem—a mean-girl culture that was pervasive. Paul and Thompson were inspired to delve deeper to not only explore the problem, but to also try and change how girls treated each other. They set out on a cross-country trip interviewing hundreds of girls, resulting in the emotionally raw documentary Finding Kind. The film explores how bullying can lead to low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, and drug and alcohol problems. The film was catalyst to their non-profit Kind Campaign, and the duo have spent the past six years showing their film and speaking out in schools. Their organization has been the catalyst for over 150 Kind Clubs for girls, a 19-week long curriculum for schools, and even a Kind Camp which has brought the support of celebrities like Julianne Hough and Paul’s husband Breaking Bad star Aaron Paul. Despite their experiences with bullying, both women feel that those experiences led them to a place where they could help others. “If anything, I’m thankful that I went through those experiences so that I’m able to stand in front of groups of people and share my story,” Thompson tells Yahoo Beauty. “ I feel thankful that I’m able to tell girls that they will be okay, that whatever it is that they’re going through, they will get through as well.”
Sara Bliss: You launched the Kind Campaign in 2009. How is it different now than when you started?
Lauren: We started Kind Campaign back in 2009 and it was really a result of the documentary that we made Finding Kind. There are a lot of differences, one being that the conversation of bullying definitely wasn’t as universal as it is today and I like to think that we were a major part of starting that conversation. There were really no organizations actively in the school system talking about bullying, particularly between girls. We kind of recognized this problem and decided to go out and do something. So once bullying really became the hot topic and started being covered in the news, I think the timing for Kind campaign was really unique and really helped propel us as the premier anti-bullying movement for girls.
What have been your own personal experiences with bullying?
Molly: My entire junior year of high school I dealt with a situation that I thought that I would never be able to really get past and never be happy again. My very last day of my junior year this one girl who had been at the forefront of some of the things I had been going through apologized to me and said that she so sorry for everything that she had put me through that year, and for me that was a huge turning point. It’s such a testament to the informative power of an apology. It allowed me to see that there was light at the end of the tunnel. I forgave her and moved past those experiences.
Lauren: In sixth grade I had this group of friends who decided to start this campaign against me. It was all sort of rooted with a boy who liked me that one of these girls liked. It started with rumors and it really escalated into two years of torture. It was just this constant struggle for me to wake up and face them in the hallways because I didn’t know what was coming next. So as a result, I ended up dealing with a severe depression, which turned into an eating disorder, and got to the point where in seventh grade I tried to commit suicide as a result of what I was going through. Suicide is obviously such a serious thing to talk about with girls and with people in general, so I just find it so important when we’re standing there speaking to these girls to just let them know that suicide is never the solution to anything. Coming from someone who was in that place there are a couple things that I find really important to share with them. One being that it is so important to reach out to somebody. I wish I could’ve turned back the clock and talked to my parents more or maybe have gone into my school counselor’s office. It’s not necessary to struggle alone and kids need to reach out if they have those thoughts. The other major point being that school is not your entire world, and as hard as these experiences feel when you’re forced to come to school every day and see the same people, but really your school is one chapter of your life. There is so much ahead of you. Looking back, when I did reach that point it was so hard to get that perspective, to see the bigger picture, and to know that I would have an amazing life with beautiful friends and life experiences. Hope is really important. This issue has just been so important to me and is kind of the catalyst for the documentary.
Is it hard to re-visit that painful time again and again with groups?
Molly: I think that time in my life now just seems so far away, and once I kind of got through it and I saw that I was going to be okay and that that wasn’t going to be my entire experience for the rest of my life, I really did sort of put those things behind me. If anything I’m thankful that I went through those experiences so that I’m able to stand in front of groups of people and share my story. I feel thankful that I’m able to tell girls that they will be okay and that whatever it is that they’re going through, they will get through as well.
Lauren Paul and Molly Thompson. (Photo: Instagram)
What is your advice for girls who are experiencing bullying? What words of advice do you have for how to deal with the daily, relentless taunting that goes on?
Lauren:: Just remembering that it’s not your entire story and that you’re not alone is always important. Also girls knowing that there are resources out there, Kind Campaign being one of them. We have a huge support system not only through our social media channels, but on our website as well. For me, when I was going through this I just felt like I needed to bottle it up. I was embarrassed to talk to my parents about it, or scared to, because I didn’t want them to go to the girls’ parents. You just kind of go through this round of thoughts about why you shouldn’t reach out and why you need to bottle it in. I think that’s a really dangerous thing to do, so for students to know if you have support in family members or older siblings just to find an adult is so important. Utilize your school resources. Know your school counselors are there to be a listening ear, if you feel comfortable doing that. Something else that I think is a great piece of advice not just for girls but for parents as well, is to be enrolled in extracurricular activities. Listen to them and figure out what excites them and what makes them passionate outside of their hallways and give them the opportunity to dive into that, whether it’s some sort of art of acting classes or music or sports team or community service. It will create a community outside of your school hallways. You make friends outside of school and more importantly you begin to build confidence in yourself outside of that school routine.
Now with social media it makes bullying feel never ending, the taunts stay forever online and can have such a wide reach. It’s terrifying.
Molly: Social media is such a huge aspect and place where bullying runs rampant and it’s ever changing. So we’re constantly trying to keep up with all of the platforms. We want girls to be aware that whatever they’re typing, whether it be on a computer keyboard or on their phone, those words have just as much impact on the person as they would if they were standing in front of them saying them to their face. I think it seems really easy for people to voice whatever is on their mind without thinking about the repercussions. A lot of these platforms are still new so we haven’t really fully seen all the implications and effects of how these comment sections and the different likes or followers. They have such a deep impact on the people that are reading them and young girls who are caring not only about the things that being said, but also the things that aren’t being said, or the likes or followers that aren’t being given.
That must affect girls at such a deep level.
Molly: We saw first-hand actually when we were in a school in Orange County, a girl who was completely broken down and was bawling her eyes out. She shared with us that she dreads coming to school every day and she is so deeply impacted because this group of girls that she says are her friends, decide whether or not they’re going to be her friend on any given day depending on the number of Instagram followers that she has, or the number of comments or likes that she gets on certain photos. So, she feels like these girls are judging her and their friendship is dependent on her persona on social media. It just goes to show the way that people get their confidence from these online personas that they create. Definitely the internet is a breeding ground for hurt feelings.
A Kind Campaign assembly at the Peter A. Reinberg Elementary School and the Field Middle School in Chicago. (Photo: Instagram)
What are the tips that you give to girls who are being bullied online? Do you recommend deleting social media accounts? What’s the solution?
Lauren: Talking about cyberbullying in particular is kind of a difficult space because it’s always changing, and it’s hard to tell a 16-year-old girl to delete their social media. I don’t know if that’s the solution. If someone was being harassed and had the will power to do that, of course that is the best solution. But I just think that it’s unrealistic to expect that to happen. I think it’s really about raising awareness. But for us, just going into schools and talking about the effect that you can literally change and alter the course of someone’s life based on how you communicate with someone via social media, and just raising that awareness and having that conversation. We’ve seen in our assemblies when we do that it, really there’s a lightbulb that goes off and girls finally realize that they have to take responsibility for the way they treat others online.
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