Throwing some cold water on Florida as a hot destination for anti-vax tourists | Frank Cerabino

Twitter has been trying to help a woman in the United Kingdom pick a spot abroad for her upcoming vacation.

Her name is Lorraine, and here’s her quest:

“I want to book a holiday abroad but don't want to wear a mask anywhere, do not want to do any tests, am not vaxed and would love some sun.”

“Does anyone have any personal experience to know if that's possible?”

Naturally, she’s being told to consider Florida.

A tale of two Palm Beaches: Making cents of panorama of human experience playing out on two Palm Beach weekends | Frank Cerabino

Truth in a T-shirt: Florida teacher's trans-friendly T-shirt reminder of 'Don't Say Gay' law's true aim | Frank Cerabino

Less sunshine in the Sunshine State: Florida puts hiring of university presidents behind closed doors | Frank Cerabino

“I’m not aware of any foreign destination that meets your requirements, but Florida is very nice right now and doesn’t require what you wish to avoid,” wrote Paul, an American living in the Pacific Northwest.

“I’d suggest staying north of West Palm Beach and the Tampa Bay area to avoid crowds,” Paul advised Lorraine.

I'd suggest that Paul minds his own beeswax.

And if you’re reading this, Lorraine, please disregard Paul’s advice. He doesn’t live here. What does he know?

Unvaccinated tourists, OK. Others, not so much.

I, on the other hand, live in Florida, and would appreciate it if you took your ignorant, selfish self to some other foreign destination.

That being said, in the event you ignore that advice, my fallback position is that you visit way north of West Palm Beach, like maybe Palatka. I hear it’s lovely this time of year there.

Sheesh. This is what happens when you work extra hard at tossing science to the wind in the name of “freedom.” You become an international magnet for reckless tourists like Lorraine.

Her Twitter profile says “no to tyranny. No to vax passports. No to medical apartheid. No to masks.”

I say “No to Lorraine.” Go someplace else, or better yet, "Yes to staying home."

We’ve already got enough folks like Lorraine who already live in Florida, and are being groomed by leaders who ought to know better, yet feed into a mindset that masks and vaccines are a sign of tyranny, rather than a matter of prudent public health.

“America is fine, especially Florida,” another anti-vax poster from England named Paul told Lorraine.

No, Florida is not fine, Paul.

And unless there’s an open bedroom in the governor’s mansion, and Lorraine agrees to be parachuted in as a way to avoid detection by U.S. Customs, she ought to find another country to take her unvaccinated carcass to.

Headline: Florida still part of United States

There are about 50 countries that welcome unvaccinated tourists, but the United States isn’t one of them.

The federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has rules that won’t let you in, Lorraine, in your present condition.

“You must be fully vaccinated with the primary series of an accepted COVID-19 vaccine to travel to the United States by plane if you are a non-U.S. citizen, non-U.S. immigrant (not a U.S. citizen, U.S. national, lawful permanent resident or traveling to the United States on an immigrant visa),” the CDC rules say.

You’re also required to show a negative COVID-19 test when you arrive, and you must wear a mask over both your nose and mouth in all indoor areas of public transportation hubs when you arrive in the U.S.

Your attempted Florida vacation might just turn into a YouTube video of you being led off a commercial airliner for refusing to wear a mask while the rest of the passengers cheer your removal.

In other words, you might be welcome in the crazyville that is Florida, but despite organized efforts to the contrary, Florida is still theoretically part of the United States, and there’s no way to get to Florida without also getting to the United States.

The good news, Lorraine, is that you’re still welcome in Moldova, although you might want to rush that trip to beat the upcoming Russian invasion.

And Cuba, Mongolia and Saudi Arabia would also let you in without asking to see your vaccine card or requiring you to be healthy upon arrival.

The most original travel suggestion for Lorraine was to join the Rwandan refugees who have been trying to get to Britain by taking boats across the English Channel and coming ashore at Dover.

“Get a dinghy and arrive at Dover,” one poster suggested. “No tests, no masks, free phone, free laptop, free money and free flight to Kigali Rwanda.

“Take the turbo prop to Kamembe. Lunch in one of the numerous hotels overlooking Lake Kivu. Has to be on everybody’s bucket list.”

As for Florida, forget about it. We’re already at max capacity for crazies.

fcerabino@gannett.com

@FranklyFlorida

This article originally appeared on Palm Beach Post: Anti-vax tourists eye warm Florida, but are stopped by US COVID rules