Winners, Stunners, and NPH: A Play-by-Play of the 2013 Emmys

"Breaking Bad." "Modern Family." "Behind the Candelabra." Those were the expected big winners in the top categories at the 65th Annual Primetime Emmys, and based on those results, you’d have no idea what a bizarre road the telecast took to get there.

From Neal Patrick Harris delivering another notch in his awards-show-hosting belt, to the shocking upsets, to the endless tributes to the dead, to the evening-capping trophies, we’ve got you covered. Sit back and revisit the eventful — if strange — in our moment-by-moment recap…

8:03 p.m.: We have the right channel, right? CBS? What’s with all the commercials? The show must be starting late due to a football game. We want a flag thrown on that play.

8:04 p.m.: Finally … Neil Patrick Harris. All is right in our world. Now on with the show.

8:07 p.m.: They are showing an extended montage of clips from last season … so all the latecomers can get to their seats. It includes our first Heisenberg sighting! The first of many “Breaking Bad” moments tonight, we predict.

8:12 p.m.: Jane Lynch, Jimmy Kimmel, Neil Patrick Harris, Jimmy Fallon, Conan O’Brien all on one stage. A whole lot of funny right there.

8:15 p.m. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler heckle NPH, and give him hosting advice, which is to channel Miley Cyrus and twerk. “I come to award shows for the twerking,” Fey says. Meanwhile, Poehler tells him to, um, take off his pants.

8:18 p.m.: And the first award of the night goes to … Merritt Wever for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series for her role in “Nurse Jackie.” She gives a great speech, too. “Thank you! Thank you!” Pause. “I gotta go. Bye!”

[Related: The 65th Annual Emmy Award Winners]

8:25 p.m.: “30 Rock’s” Tina Fey and Tracey Wigfield win for Writing for a Comedy Series. After Wigfield gives her acceptance speech, Fey quips, “No one said you could talk, Tracey.”

8:27 p.m.: "Veep’s" Tony Hale is the Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series. The "Arrested Development" actor also the first winner to get played off so far tonight. Sorry, Tony!

8:30 p.m.: Keep the tissues handy. The In Memoriam segment has been split up throughout the night. We’re starting with Robin Williams paying tribute to Jonathan Winters. “Thanks for the spark, big guy!” he concludes.

8:38 p.m.: "Veep" star Julia Louis-Dreyfus wins Lead Actress in a Comedy Series … and everybody is now looking up what channel the series airs on. (For the record, it’s on HBO.) Best Supporting Actor winner Tony Hale follows her on stage and carries her purse. She "forgets" to thank him during her speech. Meanwhile, co-star Anna Chlumsky pretends to be texting in the audience throughout the speech. The comedy never ends with that cast apparently.

8:42 p.m.: Melissa Leo, who is presenting Outstanding Directing in a Comedy Series, looks like … a circus ringmaster. But it’s not about her outfit, that’s why we have the 2013 Emmys Red Carpet Report Card. Leo is here to present an award to Gail Mancuso,who wins for “Modern Family.” It’s only the second time a woman has won in the category … and she is played off as her speech is apparently too long.

8:47 p.m.: Lead Actor in a Comedy Series goes to … Jim Parsons. The “Big Bang Theory” star calls his partner, Todd Spiewak, his “favorite person on earth.”

8:49 p.m.: Rob Reiner remembers Jean Stapleton’s “brilliant comedic timing” and “ability to break your heart.”

8:55 p.m.: Matt Damon and Michael Douglas introduce a very sparkly Elton John. He’s performing a song in honor of Liberace. If you need to go, it’s a great time for a bathroom break!

9:05 p.m.: Still awake? Great. Just in time for Laura Linney to win Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie category. But she’s a no show — as are fellow nominees Sigourney Weaver and Helen Mirren. “She’s such a great actress that she didn’t even need to show up,” cracks Damon, who then adds that she’s actually on location working on a project.

9:13 p.m.: Another tissue moment: The Writing for a Drama Series award goes to “Homeland’s Henry Bromell, who tragically died earlier this year. His wife accepts on his behalf.

9:16 p.m.: Fans may hate Sklyer White, but the the Emmy voters love “Breaking Bad’s” Anna Gunn. Mrs. Heisenberg wins for Supporting Actress in a Drama Series. “Bryan Cranston just told me to breathe!” she says as she takes the stage. She thanks her “Breaking Bad” family, led by “mad genius Vince Gilligan.”

9:18 p.m.: Jane Lynchdelivers the tribute to her late “Glee” co-star Cory Monteith. “From the first time that you saw Cory, he had a star quality and a genuine sweetness that made it impossible not to fall in love with him,” she says. “And millions did fall in love with Cory. I’m here to say that all that warmth and that charm, that open-hearted quality that we loved in Cory was no act. Cory was a beautiful soul. He was not perfect, which many of us here can relate to. His death is a tragic remind of the rapacious, senseless destruction that is brought on by addiction. Tonight we remember Cory for all he was and mourn the loss for all that could have been.”

9:30 p.m.: The award for Reality-Competition Program goes to … “The Voice.” Sadly, executive producer Mark Burnett wasn’t sitting in a spinning chairs during the ceremony. It would have been awesome if, after the show was announced, he hit a button and whipped spun around to collect his Emmy. Next year!

9:38 p.m.: Bobby Cannavale bests “Breaking Bad’s” meth makers Aaron Paul and Jonathan Banks as well as “Downton Abbey’s” Jim Carter, “Game of Thrones’” Peter Dinklage, and “Homeland’s” Mandy Patinkin in the Supporting Actor in a Drama Series category. In his speech, the “Boardwalk Empire” star thanks Tim Van Patten for directing him during “the weirdest first day of work I’ve ever had in my life, beating someone to death with four different types of rubber wrenches.” He also gives Rose Byrne — who is his date — a shout out, calling her “the love of my life.” Sounds serious.

9:41 p.m.: Jeff Daniels scores the Lead Actor in a Drama Series for “The Newsroom” — and no one is as surprised as he is. “Well crap,” he jokes when he takes the stage. “The last thing I won was a few years ago for ‘Squid and the Whale.’ I won the Best Actor Over 50 from the AARP. With all due respect to the AARP, this is better.”

9:55 p.m.: “Homeland’s” Claire Danes should have to cry on demand for us as she accepts her award for Lead Actress in a Drama Series. She’s just so darn good at it! As expected, she gives hubby Hugh Dancy a sweet shout out, “My husband. My love. My crush. Thank you for making me so whole and so happy so I can be so entirely unhappy in the land of make believe.” (Last year, she unforgettably called him “my baby daddy.”)

10:01 p.m.: The Directing for a Drama Series award goes to David Fincher from “House of Cards,” who didn’t make it tonight either.

10:05 p.m.: "The Emmys are so good this year. There’s something special about them — I’m not sure what," jokes Stephen Colbert as his "Colbert Report" wins Writing for a Variety Show. He also embarrasses his wife with a mention, saying, "Personally, I want to thank my wife, Evie, for being so cruel and sexy." She laughs, turns red, and puts her head down.

10:09 p.m.: "Saturday Night Live’s" Don Roy King wins his fourth consecutive Emmy for Directing for a Variety Series. "This is an embarrassment of riches," he says. "I was honored just to be on the same list as those other fine and funny directors. … Life is good."

10:21 p.m.: Derek Hough beats himself in the Choreography category, winning for his solo work on “Dancing With the Stars.” He drops a “Holy crap” during his acceptance speech, and also thanks all of his sisters, including the most famous one. “Julianne, I love you,” he says to the “Footloose” star, who is seen wildly applauding him in the audience.

[Related: 6 Emmy Fashion Head Scratchers, Including Julianne Hough]

10:25 p.m.: And … Stephen Colbert is back. This trophy is for Variety Series. “I personally have to thank my friend and my brother Jon Stewart, who said, ‘We should do a show together where you are a professional idiot.’ Jon never told me how good this feels actually,” says Colbert. He also thanks his late mother, who passed away earlier this year, saying, “I want to thank my mom for not worrying about me and for believing I would be OK.”

10:27 p.m.: Edie Falco fights back tears paying tribute to the late “Sopranos” star James Gandolfini. “Jim was really quite different” than his mobster TV character,” she says. “He had tremendous warmth and heart. He was kind. He was uniquely generous. One got the feeling that Jim was never entirely comfortable with all the attention he got … usually because he said it every chance he got.” She concludes with, “You all knew James Gandolfini the actor. I was lucky enough to know Jim the man. For 10 years as his close colleague and pretend life partner, and for many years as his friends. And it’s Jim the man, the very dear man, that I will miss most of all.”

10:38 p.m.: “The Hour’s” Abi Morgan wins the Writing for a Miniseries/Movie award. “When I I came through immigration, the very nice immigration man didn’t believe I was coming for the Emmys,” says the unassuming British screenwriter. “I might be able to show him I did come. So thank you very much.”

10:41 p.m.: James Cromwell’s creepiness on “American Horror Show: Asylum” paid off! The actor wins for Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or Movie. But Emmy shmmy! The 73-year-old says his girlfriend, former soap opera star Anna Stuart, is better than any trophy. “To my dearest Anna, the best prize a man could ever have,” he gushes.

10:48 p.m.: "Behind the Candelabra’s" Steven Soderbergh takes the stage for his Directing for a Miniseries/Movie win and gives a brief and direct speech. "I hope all the people who deserve to be thanked will understand if I say that no matter what we did and no matter how well we did it … if Michael [Douglas] and Matt [Damon] don’t show up with those performances, we don’t have a movie. So gentleman, I thank you most of all."

10:52 p.m.: Ellen Burstyn, who picks up the Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie for “Political Animals,” says, “I have to thank the writer, Greg Berlanti, who had the wisdom to write a woman over 65 who still had a lot of juice.”

10:56 p.m.: Michael Douglas bests his “Behind the Candelabra” star Matt Damon for Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Movie and his speech is filled with sexual innuendo. “You really deserve half of this,” he tells Damon, who played his on-screen love interest. “So do you want the bottom or the top?” Jokes aside, he also thanks his estranged wife, Catherine Zeta-Jones, making sure to clearly say “my wife,” for her support. And he also mentions his incarcerated son, Cameron, whom he hopes he will be allowed to see soon.

11:00 p.m.: So we’re already running late, but who’s counting? Not the “Behind the Candelabra” folks, who are celebrating their win for Miniseries or Movie. “We took it to the gold standard,” says Jerry Weintraub.

11:04 p.m.: The underdressed Will Ferrell steals the show by bringing his sons to announce the final two awards of the night. “I couldn’t find child care, I had a soccer game, there was a neighbor’s birthday party, a nut allergy,” he says. “It doesn’t matter — it’s great to be here.” Getting down to business, he announces “Modern Family” as the Comedy Series winner. During Steven Levitan’s speech, he says, “None of us grew up feeling like winners. So thank you to the bullies, to the popular kids, to the gym teachers, who taunted us, who rejected us, who made fun of the way we ran. Without you we never would have gone into comedy.”

11:09 p.m.: Finally, the award for Drama Series goes to “Breaking Bad,” bitches! “Holy crap,” says Vince Gilligan, who is at the helm of the AMC series. “Thank you to the best cast on TV, starting with Bryan Cranston.”

11:10 p.m.: And as NPH raises a glass of champagne, that’s a wrap for the 2013 Emmys! Good night!

For more of our coverage, check out Yahoo’s Emmy page.