The 'Walking Dead' Brain-Dead Move of the Week: The First Rule of Aikido Is Never Turn Your Back
Every week on The Walking Dead, someone does something stupid that needlessly endangers the lives of themselves and others. Here, we commemorate those decisions in the hopes that they won’t be repeated. But of course, they know they will be.
If you tuned into last night’s Walking Dead hoping to find out what happened to Glenn? Well, you were out of luck. But if you were looking for the Walking Dead equivalent of a Very Special Episode, with 90 minutes of Hallmark-card sentiments about the sanctity of life? You came to the right place!
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Yes, this week’s episode is all about how Morgan came to be the staff-wielding sensei he is today. First, we flash all the way back to Season 3’s “Clear,” when Morgan was clearly bonkers, smashing walker skulls and setting piles of them on fire in the woods. And who doesn’t want to watch a man slowly slipping into psychosis alone in the woods? C'mon, this is compelling stuff right here:
But eventually, Morgan does come upon an idyllic cabin in the woods with a goat outside (her name is Tabitha!) and a man inside. Morgan, still in “clear” mode, tries to gun down the stranger, but he clocks Morgan in the head with a bo staff. See, all you need to stop a maniac with a gun is a big wooden stick! Our country’s gun problems are solved!
What follows is a long, laborious — did we mention long? — rehab process, as Eastman (the guy with the bo staff) uses his forensic psychiatry (and cheesemaking!) skills and Zen demeanor to bring Morgan back from bonkers-ville. Along the way, he teaches him the martial art of aikido, which is all about redirecting your opponent’s energy and spouting fortune-cookie wisdom like “I have come to believe all life is precious.” Sheesh… where are the zombies when you need them?
Oh, here they are! Just when Morgan has bought into the aikido way of life, he and Eastman are approached by a zombie. Just one zombie. Piece of cake, right? Well, but the zombie happens to be a guy Morgan strangled to death during his time in the woods, and he’s too freaked out to kill it. Eastman steps in to save Morgan… but inexplicably turns his back to the walker, letting it take a big ol’ chomp out of his back.
What the hell? He had a stick! We thought Eastman was this ninja guru; now he can’t even save Morgan from a single walker without getting bit? Doesn’t aikido warn against turning your back on an opponent? If it doesn’t, it should!
But as dumb as that was, the real Brain-Dead Move of the Week goes to Morgan — because he should’ve stabbed that guy in the head back when he strangled him. If he had, maybe Eastman would still be alive… and maybe the people of Alexandria would have some delicious cheese to enjoy today.
Runners-up: Morgan, again, for setting that huge pile of walkers ablaze in the middle of a dry forest. Didn’t he learn anything from Smokey the Bear? And anyway, wouldn’t that fire just attract zombies to his location?… the producers, for forcing us to sit through a 90-minute flashback and assuming we’ll dutifully come back next week to find out what happened to Glenn. Oh, who are we kidding? They’re probably right about that one. Maybe we’re the brain-dead ones, huh?
The Walking Dead airs Sundays at 9 p.m. on AMC.
