(Housekeeping note: I'm going to defiantly ignore the story lines of Sam and Alcide this week, because I just can't with those two anymore. Writers, help them out! Feel free to were-growl at me in the comments.)
So I know I'm not, like, translating the vampire Bible or anything, but to me, this week's episode of True Blood is about three men — Bill, Niall and Ben -- whose shadowy motives are perfect for a show that has never really delineated good and evil all that clearly. Our faithful friends in Bon Temps — and thus also the audience -- are asked to trust each of them, and for now, all looks well. I mean, of course it isn't, but we'll get to that.
So we still don't really know who or what Bill is, but we definitely got more information. First up, he's overwhelmed by visions of what appears to be all the vampires in the world who are being hurt — burned, dragged behind a truck, etc. This makes Bill so crazy that he drains a blood hooker and then takes a quick mental jaunt to meet Lilith "in no place" (where apparently they only have sheer fabrics and, um, no wax). There, she tells Bill, "You must save us. You will know what to do. Trust what you see." We find out later what she means by see when it becomes clear that Bill's visions are of the future. This is bad news for Jessica, Pam, Eric and Tara, who star in his next vision, of a room full of prison-jumpsuited vamps who burst into flame when a large skylight opens to the sky.
Let's hope that either Nora can figure out how the scholars mistranslated the sentence "The people led Lilith to the sun" or Eric can charm his way back into the governor's mansion tout suite.
In the meantime, at least they have the power of prayer on their side, thanks to Jessica. What in the name of Maryann the Maenad was that scene, in which Jess prayed in voiceover for each of the show's protagonists as we saw what they faced next, like she was reading Goodnight Moon on an episode of Desperate Housewives? I get that she's having a spiritual crisis, what with Bill maybe being God and all, but the tone of this entire sequence was just so off.
"I'm your f---ing faerie grandfather," Apparently Not Warlow tells Jason. We later find out his name is Niall and he is a faerie king, which makes Sookie a faerie princess (aw) and Jason a faerie... nothing, because the genes skipped him (also aw).
Rutger Hauer is, of course, awesome (if you haven't seen him in Blade Runner, you are hereby banished from this website until you rectify the situation), and his addition to the cast as Sookie and Jason's Mr. Miyagi encourages me, if for no other reason than it means that Anna Paquin and Ryan Kwanten will have more scenes together this season. I've always been a fan of their chemistry — equal parts love and exasperation — and the show too often keeps them apart.
Jason and Niall working together to defeat Warlow is like the weirdest episode of Supernatural ever, but it gets even weirder — and more like The Karate Kid -- when Niall starts training Sookie to harness the power of her "light," an exercise that's kind of like the faerie version of "wax on, wax off." Since Warlow has already crossed over into their world, according to Niall, Sook needs to be ready. He also said a lot of confusing stuff here. Here's my takeaway: Sookie has the ability to make her light go nuclear to defeat Warlow, but since she's only a halfling, she'll only be able to use it in that manner once and then her light will disappear forever. Ominous, right? But it's OK because, as Sookie reminds us, she once wanted to get rid of it and just be normal. (Well, except for that mind-reading thing.) I mean, who wants to be a stinkin' faerie anyway?
Well, hey there, Ben. You say you're a halfling too? What a coinky-dink! Just when Sookie had sworn off men — specifically supernatural men — here comes Ben, as vulnerable and cute as a bunny wabbit, gift-wrapped and ready to be Sookie's next project. He needs her. What's more, he's also a faerie, so he understands her. Welcome, Rob Kazinsky! I suspect that once your real identity/plan/motivation is revealed, you will no doubt be the bane of my existence, but for now, even I have to admit that your meet-cute with Miss Stackhouse was really cute.
Do you want to hear something weird? Remember when Arlene yelled at Sookie about missing her shift by saying, "Guess what, Missy Hangover? That's not my g.d. problem!" That's exactly what my boss said to me on the phone last Monday... through Friday. Weird, right?
So what did you think of "The Sun" (outro by The Naked and Famous)? And what are your best guesses as to the identities/plans/motivations of Bill, Niall and Ben?