‘The Bachelor’ Episode 8 Recap: Impossible Decisions

Warning: This recap contains spoilers for Episode 7 of The Bachelor.

“I might be going home tonight, too.” Corinne’s words — uttered at the end of last week’s “shocking” episode in which Nick randomly showed up at the women’s hotel and send Kristina home — gave us all a little hope. But then tonight, this happened:

Raven gets a rose! Vanessa gets a rose! Corinne gets a rose! Vanessa gets a rose! Everybody gets a rose! Hometown dates all around!

Related: Chris Harrison Blogs ‘The Bachelor’ Hometown Dates

Up first: Hoxie, Arkansas, home of Raven and about 2,700 other people. Am I the only one who got a little nervous watching Raven take Nick for a ride on that ATV? (Those damn things almost killed Jamie Lynn Spears’ daughter!) But the only danger Raven and Nick encounter is a local policeman, who just happens to drive up as they’re climbing the steps to the roof of a grain bin. And whaddya know — it’s Raven’s big brother, Officer Weston!

After a spirited bout of “mudding” on ATVs, Raven and Nick do some “off-roading.”

Yikes, is that a leech on Nick’s torso? God, I hate nature. Anyhow, after the swamp make out session, the duo get cleaned up and head home to meet Raven’s family. And what a happy homecoming it is — as Raven learns that her dad, Wesley, has been declared cancer-free. Naturally, Raven is overcome with emotion. “I’m really thankful for you two,” she tearfully tells her parents, and soon everyone is hugging and crying. And honestly, if you didn’t tear up a little when Wesley told his daughter “I’m glad it will be me who walks you down the aisle” — well, then I applaud your titanium heart.

After that sweet moment, Raven sits down with her mom, Tracy, to talk about Nick — how she thought he was going to be “arrogant,” but seeing him with his family back in Waukesha changed her perception of him. Mom says she trusts her little girl’s judgment — and then she presses a little too hard as to whether Raven feels ready to say, “I love you.” (“She has not been putting her heart out there,” explains mama in her confessional.)

Meanwhile, Nick and Wesley are chatting out on the porch — and the Bachelor gets right down to business, asking if Dad will be “comfortable” with it if Raven ends up engaged to Nick. “I’ll be real frank,” replies Wesley. “Don’t take this wrong, but I didn’t expect to like you. I don’t know why, but I didn’t.” (Oh dude, you know why, you’re just too polite to say it.) Still, Wesley declares Nick “a very likable guy,” and says he has plenty of faith in Raven’s decision-making skills. “I just don’t want no surprises!” he adds with a laugh. “Even after this is over.” Nick gives his word — even though it’s a promise he can’t possibly keep. (Just ask Jason Mesnick.)

Raven feels so encouraged by the visit, she decides to tell Nick she loves him — but only gets as far as telling Nick “something really special could come out of us” before she chickens out. “I couldn’t do it,” she admits. “I don’t like to show my weakness at all… Now I’m just worried that I may be the only that hasn’t said that I’m in love with him.”

We’ll have to put a pin in this discussion, honey, because it’s time for us to head to Dallas, where we’ll meet Rachel’s family (for the first time this year). First up, time to rid Brother Viall of his demons.

“I know my church will be a new experience for him,” notes Rachel. “So I am a little nervous. Is he going to be comfortable being in a predominantly black church?”

Sure! Especially when everyone gives him such a warm welcome. The pastor even takes the time to introduce Nick to the congregation, adding, “Rachel is very important to us, man, so we hope you take very good care of her.” Does “Dumping her on TV so she can turn around and star in The Bachelorette” count as taking good care of her? If so, then Nick’s your man.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. This date may have been rendered moot by Team Bachelor‘s announcement last week, but I’m glad it happened if for no other reason than it featured a white Bachelor saying this to a black woman on national television:

I’m not color blind. I know you’re black. But the reason I gave you the first impression rose was because of how easy we connected, my attraction to you physically, that you were just a very beautiful, impressive woman.

And let all of God’s children say Amen.

Now for the bummer: Rachel’s dad, the very imposing-sounding federal judge, will not be at home when Nick arrives due to “work obligations.” Still, he and Rachel are nervous as they make their way to the front door. “Nick has never seriously dated a black girl. I’ve never seriously dated a white guy, and I’ve never brought one home,” says Rachel. Someone in her family obviously has, though.

Yes, that gentleman on the far right is Alex, husband to Rachel’s older sister Constance. Also on the welcoming committee: Rachel’s mom Cathy, her cousin Andrea, her nephew Allister, and her younger sister Heather. And now, for the sound bite of the night:

Yes, the teasing comes early and often at the Lindsay family dinner table. Little sister Heather kicks things off by asking Nick if he can identify all the food on his plate. “I’m not from Mars,” he shoots back, mock offended, before properly naming all the food — including okra.

Things get a little weird when Constance’s husband refers to Nick as “a white,” which he follows up with, “Is this the first black woman that you’ve dated?” I suppose it’s not an inappropriate question, given Nick’s televised history and the general absurdity of competitive dating… but still, something about Alex just seems a little off to me.

I suppose that’s neither here nor there. Constance, meanwhile, has some real concerns about how being in an interracial relationship might affect her little sister. “Right now with this climate that we’re in, I feel like you’ve seen more racism come out,” she says. “So [Nick] does need to be aware… You have to know how you’re going to navigate that path in a relationship.”

Rachel’s no-nonsense mom Cathy is having those same concerns, but she listens politely to Nick’s “I like her for the woman that she is — she just happens to be black” speech. Rather than prompting Nick to explain why he’s good enough for her daughter, Cathy asks him if he sees any “red flags” with Rachel — which is a clever way for mom to suss out any potential issues with the relationship without putting the Bachelor on the defensive. Either way, Nick gives a diplomatic answer, saying he has no pressing concerns but admitting that he knows Rachel is of course “not perfect.”

Mom seems satisfied enough, and she gives the Bachelor a surprisingly strong endorsement once they’re alone. “I like what I see with Nick,” she tells Rachel. “So far he seems comfortable around us. What attracted me to your dad was he knew who he was, where he was going… And that’s what I see in Nick.” Rachel is “blown away” by this endorsement.

Clearly her mother is not one who hands out approbation willy-nilly. Awww man — even though I think Rachel’s going to be a great Bachelorette, after seeing this hometown date, I’m even more disappointed that these two crazy kids don’t make it.

In keeping with the “things that are disappointing” theme, let’s head down to Miami, where Corinne informs Nick that he’s going to spend the day… watching her shop?

“Corinne is on a first-name basis with everyone here,” marvels Nick. “Every time Corinne walks into a store, it’s like Christmas morning to the people who are working in the store.” He seems more bemused than anything, and even indulges Corinne in a Pretty Woman-style dressing room fashion show. But when she charges over three thousand dollars of merch on her card, it’s almost too much for the simple Midwestern boy to handle.

And it’s only gonna get worse, because before Corinne takes Nick home, she brings him to a crowded café to declare her love. He responds the only way he can — by shutting her up with a kiss — and then it’s off to meet the woman of the hour: Raquel!

Also on the scene: Corinne’s mom Peri, her sister Taylor, and her dad Jim. After the olive course, Corinne and her dad head off to her room for a chat — and Jim simply can’t believe that Corinne already dropped the l-bomb on Nick.

“We’ve been dating for a month and a half!” protests Corinne. Yeah Dad — that’s, like, a lifetime in reality TV terms. As for Nick, producers must have realized that Bachelor Nation would revolt if we didn’t see him get grilled by Raquel.

Though Nick doesn’t actually provide a real answer to that question (beyond “Corinne is amazing”), Raquel seems satisfied. “If she’s happy, I’m happy,” she says of her charge. Things won’t be so easy with Dad, though: He wants to know what Nick actually does for a living. After people stop paying him to get dumped on TV, how, exactly, will Nick provide Corinne with the lifestyle to which she’s become accustomed? “I’m okay with being the breadwinner,” retorts Corinne, who nonetheless disputes the idea that Nick will have to be the “stay-at-home mom” in the relationship. (Don’t worry, pop — Nick told me during our Facebook Live chat that he’s launching a men’s grooming business. That’s almost like a job! Everything will be fine.)

As Jim and Nick bond over some 15-year-old Scotch, Peri tries to remind Corinne that her current situation is a “fantasy” and she should guard and protect her heart accordingly. “I’m in love with Nick,” counters her daughter. “And if he chooses any of the other three girls, I’m going to be heartbroken.” Heartbroken… or on a plane to Paradise. One of the two.

Our last pit stop of the week is in the chic city of Montreal, in the Canadian province of Quebec. (Did I just do a quick Internet search to make sure Quebec was a “province,” and not a “city” or “territory” or whatever? Perhaps.) Anyhow, Vanessa greets Nick in a park and then takes him immediately to meet her students — all of whom are thrilled to see their teacher again.

Oh for god’s sake, the date hasn’t even started yet and already I’m crying. After the introductions, Nick, Vanessa and her students make a scrapbook of Vanessa’s Bachelor “journey.” It doesn’t seem like a very educational activity, per se, it reunites the students with their beloved teacher — and that’s clearly all that matters to them.

I hate when this show makes me feel things! When it’s time to meet Vanessa’s family, she explains to Nick that he’ll be doing two family visits — one to her mom’s side and one to her dad’s — since her parents are divorced. Up first is mama Mary and approximately 19 other people, including this little rock star.

One of Vanessa’s friends jumps right in with the question that’s on everyone’s mind: If Vanessa “wins,” will she have to leave Canada. “We’ve talked about it briefly,” says Nick, a little embarrassed. “We haven’t talked about that quite yet. I love Montreal though.” Hearing this, her Aunt Catherine is disappointed and a little surprised. “I think I expected more,” she explains. “I wanted to know, like, ‘What’s your plan?’… I think there needs to be some more hard questions.”

Mom agrees, so she pulls Nick aside to press him on why he likes Vanessa — and sorry, pal, but saying she’s hot isn’t enough. We don’t get to see Nick’s answer, though, because Team Bachelor cuts right to Nick’s talk with Vanessa’s self-described “big, overprotective sister” Melissa. She, too, is understandably shocked that Nick and Vanessa have only “touched on” the rather significant question of which country they would live in should they get married. “I’m just really scared for her,” says Melissa, as her eyes fill with tears.

Oh for God’s sake, Nick — what are you crying about? Get it together, man. Of course, this whole hometown visit is pretty emotional for everyone. Vanessa’s brother Patrick chokes up as he tells his sister, “Honestly, in my heart, you’re like the greatest person in my life, and you deserve an amazing person.”

Wait, how am I just noticing now that Vanessa is wearing black leather (pleather?) pants with zippers?? That’s… interesting.

But I digress. Melissa is further dismayed to learn that Vanessa doesn’t even know what Nick wants to do with his life after filming ends. “My sister is always a step ahead. She always likes to think things through. And I don’t think she’s thinking like that now,” sighs Melissa. Mom tells Vanessa that she’s sure Nick is a “fine young gentleman,” but she doesn’t seem convinced that he’ll be able to make her happy.

Man, that was a little rough. And there’s still one more family to visit! Night has fallen by the time Nick and Vanessa arrive at her dad’s. Team Bachelor doesn’t even bother to tell us his name — or the name of the woman he’s with — I guess because it’s already been a long day and we’re never going to see these people again anyway. Nick, just ask for Nameless Father’s blessing, okay? After six full seconds of silence, the Bachelor gets his answer.

“You have three other women, you went to their home — did you ask their blessing also?” asks Papa. And Nick doesn’t do himself any favors with his weird, dishonest answer (“In a way, I ran it by them”). “It’s yes or no,” counters père, and the Bachelor is finally forced to admit that yes, he did ask three other dads for their blessing. And that’s when things get really uncomfortable.

Dad: “So you’re telling me you want to get engaged to my daughter.”
Nick: “Um…”
Dad: “You’re asking for my blessing. What does that mean?”

Eventually Nick gets it together enough to assure Papa that even though he and Vanessa are in a “unique and weird situation,” he would not ask her to get married unless he truly believes it’s right. “We want the exact same thing,” he adds. Ultimately, Dad — who has a name, it turns out: Pat — reluctantly gives Nick his blessing. “He sounded honest,” he concludes. Perhaps a little too honest: When Vanessa learns that Nick also asked Corinne, Raven, and Rachel’s dads for their blessing, her disappointment is palpable.

“It makes it less meaningful,” sighs Vanessa. Gurl, what show do you think you’re on? None of it is meaningful!

The next day, Nick is enjoying the view from a hotel balcony in Brooklyn, and he preps emotionally for the rose ceremony. “It almost feels impossible to make a decision tonight,” he muses. Perhaps this will help:

What in the holy hell is Corinne wearing? Nick, this is not the woman you want dressing you for the rest of your life.

By the time the sun sets on Brooklyn, there are only about five minutes left in the episode, so you know we’re about to be handed some “To Be Continued” action. And wouldn’t you know it, just before the credits roll, Nick gets an unexpected knock at the door.

Oh FFS. Really, Team Bachelor? No one cares. No one. But we’ll have to wait until next week to find out how little we care about what Andi Dorfman has to say to her ex. For now, I want to hear from you about tonight’s episode. Was Vanessa’s family too hard on Nick — or not hard enough? Do we really believe Raquel gets to eat with the family every night or was that just for the cameras? And which family was your favorite? Post your thoughts now! And be sure to check out Chris Harrison’s exclusive blog right here. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go order some Italian take-out. That Sunday lunch looked delicious.

The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC. Watch clips and full episodes of The Bachelor for free on Yahoo View.