The 19 Hottest Trees in Pop Culture, Ranked
This week brings the premiere of MTV’s Game of Thrones for teens, The Shannara Chronicles. Based on the book series that many people perhaps never knew existed until the ads for this TV series told us they did, MTV’s scariest monster saga since The Challenge takes place in a post-apocalyptic Seattle where humans have been forced to coexist with all manner of phantasmagorical phenomena. At the center of this fantasy world is the majestic Ellcrys Tree, whose impending death has begun to unleash unfathomable demons with every fallen leaf. This premise alone reminded us that trees have been superstars in pop culture for decades now, and it’s time they finally got their due!
So, please enjoy this list of the 19 most iconic, sexy, powerful, and important trees in pop culture history!
19. Grandmother Willow, Pochantas
It should go without saying that ALL of the sentient, talking trees on this list are actual nightmares, but at least in the case of Grandmother Willow (voiced by Oscar-winner Linda Hunt) she’s a kind-hearted nightmare. Full of sage wisdom and fresh one-liners (“My bark is worse than my bite!”) she’s always down to chill with you and your animal friends or be a wingman during your romantic dates with European himbos. Bless you, Grandmother Willow.
18. Tree Fort, Adventure Time
Speaking of post-apocalyptic societies! This here amazing tree fort is home to BMO (and also some kid and his dog) and could be described accurately as the greatest home of all time. There are many reasons to be jealous of Jake and Finn, but their flora-based crash pad is easily the biggest.
17. Tree of Souls, Avatar
If you loved Avatar, congratulations, you are in the supermajority and you won. You got your way. But for those of us who thought Avatar was a poorly written fever dream, the dramatic, devastating felling of its central Tree of Souls was kind of hilarious. It took all those battle helicopters to take the thing down? Who knew that fiber optic soul-tentacles were so robust? And what happened to the eons’ worth of Na’vi souls it contained? Are they all screaming in hell now? Hopefully the upcoming three (!) sequels will address this.
16. X the Owl’s tree, Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood
If we’re being real, the tree that X the Owl lived in in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe did not look like a very realistic tree. It definitely looked like it was built by children under duress. But again, much like the tree fort in Adventure Time, it seems cozy as hell. Wouldn’t you just want to nestle up in there on a cold wintry day? Just ignore all the owl pellets, they’re mostly full of bones. Related question, has anybody seen King Friday lately?
15. Treebeard, Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
This guy. So, I’m sorry if this is controversial, but the best Lord of the Rings or Hobbit franchise movie is definitely The Two Towers, and that is almost entirely due to the Ents, the slow-to-act giant trees who swoop in and help out during the climactic battle scene. Treebeard is their elder, and at first he is very rude and unchill towards our heroes but then he called a big board meeting (board because wood) and the Ents decided to help out after all. Anyway, it was a great scene. Thanks for that one, Peter Jackson and also whoever it was that wrote those books. C.S. Lewis?
14. The Ultimate Masochist, The Giving Tree
I think we’re all meant to be touched and inspired by the lady tree in this story who martyrs herself for no good reason or cause. But time has not been kind to Shel Silverstein’s fable as it’s become more and more clear that the only person more sociopathic and insane than the boy who gladly allows his matriarch to mutilate herself for his benefit is the tree herself. Girl, he doesn’t love you right! Knock it off!
13. Groot, Guardians of the Galaxy
Groot is easily in the Top 10 most likable Vin Diesel characters, and rivals only the soundtrack and Buff Chris Pratt when it comes to everyone’s favorite part of Guardians of the Galaxy. From Groot’s now-iconic line(s) of dialogue to that sincerely heart-exploding final scene, he’s an instant icon. Get ready to be sick of him when the sequel arrives!
12. Cave of the Three-Eyed Raven, Game of Thrones
Bear with me, this one’s a little complicated. Throughout Westeros there are these Weirwood trees and they have faces carved into them by a mythological race of creatures known as the Children of the Forest, ostensibly as makeshift altars for those who still worship them. But this one is a particularly huge Weirwood tree that sits atop a cave, its roots spindling down and intermingling with the Three-Eyed Raven, who according to the TV series looks like an old man but is in control of a literal three-eyed raven that Bran Stark sees in his dreams. So yeah, leave it to Game of Thrones to present us with a truly badass tree but only in the most complicated terms. Anyway, one time a child goblin ran out of the cave and threw a fireball at a ghoul.
11. Home, The Gummi Bears
I would tell you more about the tree in which the Gummi Bears lived, but the theme song just melted my brain forever.
10. Home, The Keebler Elves
Yes, it’s cute that a tree could house an untold number of baking elves, but what kind of safety guidelines does this unlicensed sweat shop follow? Certainly it can’t be very sanitary, and are the elves protected under Workers’ Comp? Things to think about next time you’re wandering alone in your grocery store’s snack aisle at 3 a.m.
9. Treehouse (of Horror) Tree, The Simpsons
The fort-supporting tree in the Simpsons’ backyard is about as ordinary as trees get, but every year that normalcy is given a macabre spin with riffs on just about every horror movie, trope, and legend ever told. So in this case, it’s less about the tree and more about its importance to society, and now that The Simpsons has aired at least 3,000 Treehouse of Terror episodes, it’s probably the most-mentioned tree in entertainment history.
8. Banyan-Grove Tree, The Legend of Korra and Avatar: The Last Airbender
This is another one of those ancient deals that sort of looms over everyone as a reminder that our lives are short and meaningless when weighed against the geologic timeline. Did I get that right? Maybe someone should cancel this list early.
7. Baobab Trees, The Little Prince
OK, so. We all agree that Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s The Little Prince is a brilliant, iconic masterpiece but have you ever noticed what an existential terrorscape it mostly is? It’s a book that only gets more upsetting the older you get, but for my money no section causes me as much anxiety as the Baobab Tree part. Referred to as “bad plants” these are things that grow out of the ground and never stop growing until they entirely destroy the tiny planet that spawned them. So of course the boy is tasked with weeding them out lest that happens all of a sudden. Children shouldn’t be burdened with that kind of literal world-saving! Destroy all Baobabs, even the real world ones! Not worth the risk.
6. and 5. TIE: The Talking Apple Tree, Wizard of Oz; The Lunch-Box Tree, Return to Oz
Obviously anything Wizard of Oz-related is going to be a recipe for a daymare, but for whatever reason, L. Frank Baum was obsessed with horrible trees from hell. Take the one featured in the film adaptation The Wizard of Oz. It straight up SLAPS Dorothy and shouts at her! True, she was literally ripping his body apart, but that’s no excuse. That tree needs to know its role in the ecosystem and not violently abuse passersby. The better and more chill tree from this franchise was in Walter Murch’s HIGHLY SUPERIOR film Return to Oz, in which Dorothy encounters a tree from which complete box lunches grow from its branches. And does the tree abuse Dorothy and shout at her when she takes one? No it does not.
4. Under the Umbrella Tree
Again, less an actual tree and more just a metaphor for a very relaxing and chill funtime environment for Canadians who aren’t afraid of puppets.
3. Whomping Willow, Harry Potter
In Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, when Harry and Ron stole a car and then drove it directly into a tree I think we were all meant to have a light chuckle. Kids! But then the tree started BEATING THE S–T out of them? And it wouldn’t be the last time they’d get their asses handed to them by the Whomping Willow, it beat the s–t out of all three of them in Prisoner of Azkaban as well. Throughout all eight Harry Potter films there’s never been a shortage of memorable moments, but not enough people talk about how children regularly get beaten up by trees.
2. The Suicide Tree, Monty Python’s the Meaning of Life
What is there to say about this perfect Terry Gilliam animation from the underrated Monty Python’s the Meaning of Life except that it’s TOO REAL?
1. The Christmas Tree That Kiefer Sutherland Tackled That One Time
There were plenty of Christmas tree options we could have included in this list, but get out of here, Christmas! You had your two months. That being said, this list would be dumpster trash if it did not include this, the most iconic Christmas tree of all time: The one Kiefer Sutherland tackled that one time. It was not only Kiefer Sutherland’s finest moment, it was Christmas’ finest moment. A true Christmas miracle!
And there you have it, friends. Just a lot of extremely important and beautiful trees finally getting their due. What’s YOUR favorite pop culture tree? Write your answer on several sheets of paper and then throw them away.
R.I.P. TREES
The Shannara Chronicles premieres Tuesday, Jan. 5 at 10 p.m. on MTV.
