‘Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen X’ Episode 7 Recap: Whaaaaat?!

Warning: This recap for the “I Will Destroy You” episode of Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen X contains spoilers.

A shocking blindside leaves both players and viewers open-jawed in Episode 7 of Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen X.

There are certain episodes of television that elicit an instinctive emotional response. The kind of episode where you can’t help but jump off your sofa and yell out in horror or elation at the events unfolding onscreen. Think the “Red Wedding” episode of Game of Thrones. Judging by the live reactions on Twitter last night, you’d have thought George R.R. Martin script-edited this episode of Survivor.

Michaela wasn’t supposed to leave this early. She was the challenge warrior who spoke her mind but had integrity and values and wanted to succeed for her family. Yeah, so she threatened Figgy with a machete, but it was funny. She called out Jeff Probst. She won almost every single challenge for her tribe(s). She was the MVP of the pre-merge game. She was Ned fricking Stark! And just like that, she’s gone. How did this happen?

Before we get to the jaw-dropping tribal council, the episode starts with the Takali tribe returning to camp after the elimination of Figgy. Immediately, Adam wants to set the record straight with Taylor and admits to screwing him. “You’re in a worse position now because of me,” Adam tells the love-deprived snowboard instructor. It’s less of a clearing-the-air session and more of a “here’s all the ways I ruined your life” talk. In a confessional, Taylor declares vengeance will be his. “I will destroy you,” he says, in an accent that I think is meant to be Arnold Schwarzenegger but sounds more like Sylvester Stallone doing an impression of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

At Vanua, it’s nerd-bonding time, as David and Zeke strike up a friendship. Despite Michelle being the obvious target in the tribe, David is worried that Chris might try and pull a fast one on him should they go to tribal council again, so in an effort to secure Zeke’s loyalty he shows him his hidden immunity idol. It’s a risky move, but we’ve seen David use this tactic in the past with Ken, and their connection is pretty tight. “I’m gonna take very good care of his life … for the time being,” Zeke lets us know.

Barbecue is up for grabs at the reward challenge, where tribes have to release a bag of balls before shooting them through hoops and then trying to land them on a perch. The first tribe to finish will win a meal prepared by a chef at their camp. Unfortunately, not Gordon Ramsay, but just imagine that for a second: “Which one of you donkeys burnt the f***ing rice?!!” The second tribe to finish will receive kebabs that they’ll have to cook themselves. The third tribe receives hunger pangs.

Before the challenge begins, the Vanua and Ikabula tribes react to Figgy’s ouster. Jay and Hannah are shocked, while Michaela flashes a wry smile. When Jeff brings up Michaela’s comments from the last challenge, when she basically said the Millennials were idiots if they couldn’t figure out how to work together, she responds, “Sometimes you have to say what you need to say, not what you want to say.” When probed further she says, “Figgy’s time was coming. Bye, Felicia.” It’s probably at this point when we should have realized that the editors were setting up Michaela for a fall, but this was just Michaela being Michaela.

The Vanua tribe wins the chef reward and chows down back at camp, with Zeke happily unleashing his “inner fat kid” while Chris and David happily unleash their bodily functions, much to the disgust of Michelle. A burping and farting montage was not something we needed to see, but at least we only saw it and didn’t have to live it like poor Michelle, the only girl on a tribe of guys. Her mother raised her with manners, she tells us, but right now Michelle isn’t in a position where she can speak out, so she’ll just have to hold her breath and pray for the merge and/or a Febreze Reward.

At Takali, Taylor and Ken pass the time by having a political debate. Not what you expect on an average episode of Survivor, but let’s face it, it was the most civilized political debate broadcast on television so far this year. Taylor is an open book, and that book only contains about three words, one of which I’m pretty sure is “bro.” It’s because he’s such a doofus that Jessica finds him far less of a strategic threat than Adam, and she begins to consider sticking with Taylor, who swears never to write her or Ken’s name down.

Over at Ikabula, the tribe enjoys the kebabs they won as runners-up in the reward challenge. Michaela talks about how people might start to see her as a threat because of her challenge performances but admits that she’s just an intense person. She can’t help it. She compares herself to Steve Jobs and Michael Jordan. Again, at this point, when you start sounding like Kanye West delivering a speech at the VMAs, it’s probably not a good sign.

Meanwhile, Bret is under interrogation from Hannah, who is growing suspicious of his so-called profession as a “funeral director.” “I think he’s a cop. I’m from Boston, and he walks and talks just like a Boston cop,” she tells her Millennial tribemates. Jay agrees, essentially saying that “If you put [Bret] in a cop uniform, he’d look just like a cop.” But then isn’t that true of anyone? I mean, if you put anyone in a cop uniform they’re either going to look like a cop or a strip-o-gram. But it’s a great read from Hannah, as Bret is indeed a Boston police sergeant but is keeping it under wraps because he believes police officers don’t do well on Survivor (*cough* Tony).

At the immunity challenge, tribes must throw coconuts into a net until it’s full enough to fall and raise a flag that will reveal a selection of numbers. The tribes will use the numbers to open a combination lock and release a slingshot, which they must then use to knock down targets. The first two tribes to finish will win immunity and be safe from tribal council.

Takali gets out to a head start, and they never let up their lead, with Ken and Taylor mastering the slingshot and bringing their tribe the win. Ikabula looks set to take second place while Michelle struggles with the combination lock for Vanua. But trouble with the slingshot allows Vanua to catch up, and with Chris getting “nothing but wood” (Jeff’s words, not mine), they’re able to secure second place and send Ikabula to their first tribal council.

A silence falls over Ikabula camp, as all six members sit solemnly on a log, contemplating what’s to come. Bret and Sunday are the first to break away, realizing that as the two Gen X outsiders, it’s their heads on the chopping block tonight. There’s not much they can do but write each other’s names down, knowing that the four Millennials hold all the power. And it certainly seems that way. Michaela gathers her troops and outlines the plan with rocks and shells, like a general on the frontline plotting war tactics. She tells Jay, Hannah, and Will that it doesn’t matter which of Bret or Sunday go, that the Millennials will have the numbers at the merge no matter what, and the four of them can make it all the way to the final four.

Sounds good. Vote lying cop Bret out. Move on. But wait … that’s not what happens.

Jay, who had his idol discovery interrupted by Michaela in the last episode, starts to worry about how smart and strong Michaela is. With a merge around the corner, Michaela’s challenge ability and her mind for strategy becomes very threatening. Jay talks it out with Will — yes, still a contestant this season — and considers the option of removing Michaela now even though she is a trustworthy ally. They wouldn’t even have to tell Hannah; they could use Bret’s and Sunday’s votes to make it happen. While it seems too sudden and unlikely, everything starts to click. Michaela’s smirk at Figgy’s elimination, her refusal to give up the slingshot, her acknowledgment that people might see her as a threat. Is Michaela really about to be blindsided?

At tribal council, Michaela talks about how the situation sucks. She blames Jeff again: “We didn’t ask for slingshots.” She mentions trust and moving forward and how it’s sad that either Bret or Sunday will have to leave. All this time Jay and Will share shifty looks while Hannah tries to catch their eye, perhaps gauging that something isn’t quite right.

It’s at this point the “The Rains of Castamere” should have started playing.

The votes are cast. Jeff collects the urn and he starts reading. One vote Bret. Two votes Bret. One vote Michaela. Huh. Two votes Michaela. Hmm. Three votes Michaela. “Whaaaaat?!” *Record scratch* Michaela whips her head around and gives Jay a death stare, which seems to last forever before she asks him, “Did you do that?” He quickly responds, staring right back, “Yes. I did it.” Hannah looks baffled. Jeff reads the last vote for Michaela, and she grabs her torch, in utter shock. “You’re gonna feel like an a**hole,” she tells Jay, before turning to leave and then turning back to pick up her shoes. “You f****d up something good, bro.”

Wow. A tribal council for the ages, and an absolute gut punch to both Michaela and the audience. The previous episodes had set up Michaela as one of the season’s main characters, a complex individual with both positive and negative attributes, but a fighter who was admirable and root-able. She even had a teary confessional after making fire about wanting to win for her family — longtime fans of Survivor will know that this kind of confessional often belongs to a winner or at least potential winner, not a pre-merge boot. The first half of this season was very much Michaela’s story, and as we head into the merge next week, the back half of this season will definitely be lacking a certain flavor. But if this episode has shown us anything, it’s that when you play the Game of Survivor, you win or you’re blindsided.

Players of the Week

Jay: The Michaela vote was all him. Whether it will pay off in the long run is a big question mark, but right now he’s calling the shots.

David: While revealing an idol is a risk, he understands that making bonds is what this game is about, and approaching Zeke like he did this week could prove very beneficial heading into the merge.

Zeke: He must have improved his social game a lot since his early days on the Millennials tribe: He has both Chris and David wanting to work with him, and now he knows the whereabouts of one idol. He just keeps gathering intel.

Let us know your reaction to the Michaela blindside in the comments below.

Survivor airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. on CBS.