Seth Rogen and Pals Flirt and Fight in the Best 'Vanderpump Rules' Ever

We’d never peg Seth Rogen as a Vanderpump Rules fan. (Real Housewives of Orange County, maybe.) But to our surprise and delight, he and his castmates from The Night Before got all glammed up tonight to moonlight as servers (sorry, “SURvers,” blech) in a special mock-edition of Bravo’s gloriously shallow reality series — and all we can do is just raise our glasses high to the magnificence of it all.

First, they recreate the infamous Vanderpump opening credits, with Seth, Anthony Mackie, Ilana Glazer, and Jillian Bell spilling valuable alcohol while giving their best “Blue Steel” look to the camera:

(What, Joseph Gordon-Levitt couldn’t be roped into participating in this? You think you’re too good to sling overpriced drinks for Lisa Vanderpump, JGL? Because you’re not!)

Then manager Peter informs the four new recruits that only one of them will actually earn a job at the restaurant, and quizzes them on what SUR stands for. Jax hints that “S” stands for something the servers all are. Ilana guesses, “Slutty?” Seth guesses, “Stupid?” It’s “Sexy,” actually — but good guesses, everyone!

The newbies waste no time in jumping into the usual SUR shenanigans, pledging to hook up with the current staff in an effort to stick around. Seth proudly declares, “I’m gonna have sex with the drunkest person here… Kristen!” Then he and Kristen engage in some very weird flirting, with Seth putting his glasses into his mouth (ew) before Kristen puts them on her face. (Ew!)

It’s up to Jax to break the news to Seth that Kristen doesn’t work there anymore; Kristen even admits in a confessional, “I’ve been sleeping here for the last six weeks.” (Hey, that was legitimately funny, Kristen!) Meanwhile, Ilana sets her sights on Jax, saying that she’s in town from New York and “I’m gonna get some crispy, tan L.A. d–k while I’m out here.”

Later, Seth and Scheana end up harmonizing to the Pump Rules theme song together (”These are the best days of our liiiives!”)… and end up having sex in the SUR bathroom! And come to think of it, Seth does look a little like Scheana’s husband Shay…

Back in the kitchen, Anthony bitches to Jax about always getting “sloppy seconds” around here, and Jax promises to back him up — even spitting in Anthony’s hand as a show of solidarity.

(Side note: The sneaky-funniest part of this whole thing is seeing the real SUR staff’s obvious giddy excitement about getting to “act” with these huge Hollywood stars, since they’re all aspiring models/actors/whatevers. This could be their big break, guys!)

But it wouldn’t be an episode of Vanderpump Rules without a little girl-on-girl violence, and Ilana and Jillian oblige by getting into a catfight over Peter. Ilana announces in a confessional that she’s looking to take down Jillian, and she has a pretty rational reason for doing so:

Ilana ends up scooching her chair nice and close to Peter for an intimate chat (”Peter, what is your penis like?”) while Jillian seethes in the background. And we have to say: Jillian gives magnificent crazy-eye.

Jillian eventually explodes after finding out Ilana tweeted about her using the hashtag #flathair; she bellows, “Where is she? Where is that bitch?!?” (Really, this is just like an episode of Vanderpump Rules, only intentionally funny.) Her outburst gets her fired, leaving the other three to duke it out for the SUR job.

Anthony decides to start sabotaging his competition, convincing Seth to get a nose job by telling him that Scheana likes guys with “really Christian noses.” Right before getting fired himself, a bloody-nosed Seth sums up what all SURvers are thinking when they agree to be on this show:

Couldn’t have said it better ourselves.

Now it’s just Ilana and Anthony left competing for the job, and he gets her out of the way by telling her it’s a great idea to get really drunk before waiting tables — which leads to her throwing up in front of a pair of customers. (”I’m a little concerned about the density of my vomit.”)

So she’s canned… leaving Anthony as the winner of a job at SUR! Yay? Well, he’s happy, anyway: “I’ve always wanted to work in the service industry.” And Jillian is already plotting her revenge, threatening to burn down the whole place down: “There will be no SUR-vivors.”

Vanderpump Rules airs Mondays at 9 p.m. on Bravo; The Night Before opens Friday in theaters everywhere.