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True Blood Finale Recap — 'Survivor: Bon Temps'

Yes, yes, we all saw Eric’s willy in the season finale of True Blood. But a lot of other stuff happened, too. Big, dire, dramatic stuff. So, before hitting the comments to discuss the aforementioned appendage, let’s go over that other stuff, shall we?


PARTY IN THE USA | As “Radioactive” begins, Sookie and Alcide are just beginning to recover from the amnesia that seemed to make them both forget how into each other they once were when they notice a daytime vampire orgy breaking out at Bill’s place. (Stranger still, a daytime vampire orgy at which fangers dance the jitterbug.) Making a beeline for Jason, Sookie gets a lingering kiss from Violet. “She’s European,” he explains. But the afternoon isn’t all happy, happy, joy, joy. Pam takes off after Eric, prompting Tara to brand her and Willa’s parents the “worst f—ing makers ever.” Plus, Bill is so poutypants that he’s no longer the magical Billith that he’s prepared to let Warlow turn Sookie until Jessica points out how very humongous a d-bag that would make him.

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TALES FROM THE DARK SIDE | Meanwhile, on the fairy plane, Warlow again shows his true colors, smacking, choking and generally menacing Sookie when she asks if he’d mind terribly dating her for a while before they marry. Luckily, at the same time, Bill, Jason and Violet are busy recruiting Adilyn (who seems to have miraculously stopped aging) to gain them entrance to the fae dimension. Though Warlow does put the bite on Sookie, the gang saves her before she is turned into a corpse, much less a corpse bride. Back in the real world dimension, Warlow gives chase, cornering Sookie in her bathroom, which – surprise! – allows Niall to reach through that room’s handy-dandy portal and hold the baddie still just long enough for Jason to stake him. Hurrah – day saved.

SNOW WAY! | Eventually, all of the fae blood that the vampires drank wears off. A bummer, sure, but not a life-and-death kinda big deal if they’re indoors when they resume being creatures of (only) the night. Unfortunately, Eric just happens to be nude sunbathing in his native Sweden at the time, and trapped outside, he appears to go up in flames. (Gonna hurry out on a limb here and say that Pam must get to him in time to hustle him into a cave or something. But of course we won’t know for sure until next season. Side note: Could next season be tomorrow, please?)

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HERE’S TO FUTURE DAYS | While I, you and probably most of the viewing audience is busy shrieking, “Nooo! They can’t kill Eric!” the show itself is fast-forwarding six months down the road. Then, Sookie and Alcide are a couple, Bill is the author of a bestseller about the Governor’s invention of hep V, Jason is still waiting to get it on with Violet (after 178 nights of cunnilingus, he’s quick to point out), and Merlotte’s is now Bellefleur’s. In scarier news, packs of hep V-infected vampires are on the prowl and using small towns like Bon Temps as buffet lines. Mayor Sam teams up with Rev. Daniels (you know, Lettie Mae’s husband) and suggests that everybody enter into a monogamous feeding relationship with a healthy vampire in exchange for protection. Controversial as the idea is, it seems like a pretty good one when a bunch of infected blood-suckers looks about to crash the feeder/feedee meet-‘n’-greet at Merlotte’s… er, Bellefleur’s.

Okay, your turn. What did you think of the season – and its finale? Eric isn’t – can’t be – really dead, right? Did it seem a little convenient to you that Warlow went evil again, just in time for him to be killed off? (Or should we just blame it on nightfall?) How awesome were Tara and Lettie Mae in the (exceptionally well-written) scene in which they reconciled? (Dare we hope someday for a similar scene between Tara and Pam?) It was nice of Jessica to offer Andy and Adilyn her protection – without even having to feed her – but since she ate all of the fairy’s sisters, can’t say I blame the sheriff for saying thanks but f— off, can you? Anyway, that’s a wrap. You may now hit the comments to discuss Eric’s pecker.


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