Revenge Recap: Die Another Day
In this week’s Revenge — titled “Mercy” (the “No” that precedes it must be silent?) — Conrad not only survives his car crash, he finally learns that he doesn’t have Huntington’s disease. In other words — Emily’s words, to be exact — “He thinks he beat God.” (RIP, Father Paul!) But before the blueblood’s celebratory glass of bubbly has time to go flat, the air is again let out of his tires, so to speak, when Aiden informs him that his accident wasn’t an accident at all. And you won’t believe who Aiden fingers as the attempted murderer. (Well, unless you’ve seen the episode already, in which case, try to look surprised when we get there, okay?) Here’s the lead-up and rundown…
ROMPER RHOMBUS | Early on in the hour, Emily is so grossed out that Daniel is willing to help Conrad cover up his culpability in the lethal fender bender (so as to ward off any embarrassment right before the launch of Voulez, which should be embarrassing enough, no?) that she submits his DUI of years ago as a personal factoid for his publisher bio. Needless to say, this does not go over well with her intended, who immediately moves into the South Fork (Inn, sadly, not Ranch). Later, meddlesome Jack is quicker than Emily at obtaining proof that Connie — who wasn’t supposed to be driving with fake Huntington’s — was behind the wheel the night Father Paul met his maker. “Gimme,” says Emily basically. “Hell to the no,” Jack replies basically. But, before he can use the info to have their mutual nemesis arrested, he discovers that Connie’s brakes were tampered with. “Did you do it?” Emily asks Aiden, who is less hurt by the accusation than the revelation that his true love confessed her secret identity to her true love. Afterwards, it is perhaps not a shock that Aiden prevents Conrad from evicting him from the guest house by asserting that it was Jack who tried to turn the Grayson patriarch into roadkill. (Yeah, right. It was more likely baby Carl. But seriously, my money’s on the new Goth Charlotte. Her enthusiasm for rebranding The Stowaway is a clear indication that she’s gone around the bend, right? Right?)
WORKING-CLASS SNOB | No sooner has Victoria asked Sheila, an art gallery owner, for a job than Patrick has shown up and blackmailed Mom’s frenemy into fencing a painting for him. “I’m a bastard in more ways than one,” he explains. But of course, he’s only doing it to give Victoria the leverage SHE needs to blackmail Sheila and save herself from the drudgery of shilling overpriced sculptures in pretty dresses and (gasp) changing the occasional light bulb. Natch, before the hour’s over, the scrappy former Vicky Harper is the new proprietress of her very own fancy-shmancy gallery.
RECONNECTED | Abandoning, at least temporarily, his moratorium on hacking, Nolan plugs back in the “sweet cord of connectivity” to do some sleuthing on Patrick for Emily himself. A flight to Florida and a visit with the hottie’s embittered ex-wife later, and Nolan is feeling daring enough to move in for a kiss that Patrick calls “a bit presumptuous” – and then reciprocates! (But do we really trust Patrick and his abs for Nolan? I get a vibe from him, if not his abs, that makes me think that, by season’s end, Tyler is going to seem like a stand-up guy by comparison.)