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Mistresses Recap: Yikes! Someone Actually Said, 'The Worst Is Over'

Mistresses Recap: Yikes! Someone Actually Said, 'The Worst Is Over'Mistresses Recap: Yikes! Someone Actually Said, 'The Worst Is Over'

Like the living-room toilet at the center of the house Joss was tasked with selling, Mistresses continues to be impractical, unneccessary, inappropriate and unrelentingly ridiculous — and I mean that in the most flattering way possible.

This week’s installment features sexually charged boss-employee banter, an unexpected (unwelcome?) pregnancy, and everything you ever needed to file a malpractice suit (but were afraid to confirm about your shrink).

So let’s boil down the action for our quartet of protagonists — while raising pertinent questions we’ll need to see answered in their futures:

SAVI | We kick things off with Savi in a post-coital moment with Harry that almost feels like it should be on Cinemax, or at least HBO — particularly Harry’s “no, no, no — don’t touch below the belt anymore!” antics. Apparently, Savi’s been calling in late and taking long lunches — and yes, long lunches is a euphemism for fun, sexy times with her (another euphemism in 3, 2, 1…) spousal unit. “Somebody’s got to be missing you at work, right?” Harry asks, not realizing that he’s reminding Savi of her ill-considered one-night-at-work-stand. Back at the office, Dom informs Savi that the Sullivan case date has been moved up, and somehow his eyebrow-raising technique is hot enough to be considered a sex act. This fact (and the cologne) (and the muscles) (and the memories) makes Savi lay down the law: No touching her hand. No buying her dinner. No flexing his forearm. (But Dom’s forearm-flexing is part of the reason we tune in, no?)

Later, in the night, Savi’s fantasy sequence about hot office sex with Dom turns into a full-bodied nightmare when Harry walks in, horrifed. She wakes up in a cold sweat — then gets the great idea to surprise Harry with a two-week second honeymoon in Australia. “It better be refundable,” he sighs, reminding his wife that they both have full-time jobs — and a ton of debt from his restaurant. Cue sad trombone. Stuck in her regular grind, Savi goes to her boss and tries to get off the Sullivan case, let Dom fly solo, but the plan backfires when Dom gets reassigned instead. He shows up at her house (!) to express his anger and dismay. (Wouldn’t a phone call have been simpler, and just as effective? Dom is scaring me a little.) When April pops by for a visit, Savi sobs guiltily, then makes a fatal error. “The worst is over,” she tells her pal, basically inviting the universe to make her subsequent pregnancy test come up with a dreaded positive sign. Key questions: Is there any way Savi doesn’t fess up now, considering that if the baby is her black coworker’s, it’s gonna pretty obviously not be her fair-haired Australian hubby’s? Is Dominic going to produce a sex tape that sends Savi into a professional spiral, too? (I don’t know why I keep expecting that, I just do.) Can we get a Maury cameo? And if loving Dom’s forearm flexing is wrong, then who wants to be right?

JOSS | Joss gets onto an elevator, gets ogled by small boy. “Get a longer skirt,” says irked mom. “Get a taller child,” huffs Joss. And just like that, I’m a Joss fan. Funny enough though, when Joss’ company gets bought out by a Frenchman and her boss/lover gets his walking papers, the new big man on campus is not so easily impressed. ”Olivier is oblivier to my many charms,” she tells April after getting reprimanded for innappropriate skirt length. When she mentions she and her old supervisor had “a method” of working, April shoots back the episode’s best retort: ”Rhythm?”

Joss gets excited (professionally and perhaps sexually) when Olivier invites her to meet at a hotel at 8pm, but he’s merely conducting biz at the restaurant/bar and slotting in five minutes to tell Joss he’s redistributing half of her accounts to other agents — since she’s only good at selling the easy ones. If she can move a particularly quirky mansion with a Miami Vice-colored interior, a toilet in the living room and a fire pit in the den, he’ll give her back two other properties. And so Joss decides to embrace the house for what it truly is — a party pad — throwing a lavish soiree, getting three bids and scoring $100K over the asking price. She’ll be taking back all her properties, she whispers to Olivier, ”And I’ll be wearing what ever the hell I want to work.” Key questions: Seeing how Joss had sex with her last boss, are the writers really gonna have her sleep with her new boss, too? He seemed impressed by her ingenuity, but not really turned on, am I right? Or just hoping for an interesting twist on the expected? And we’re not just dropping the possible lesbian love interest without further mention, right?

APRIL | I loved seeing April ignore her husband’s ex-mistress’ call, lie to her grade-school-aged daughter that “Miranda” was her gynecologist, and then have the kid snap back, “You have your gyno programmed by her first name?” That, my friends, is some funny stuff. April sees Hot Dad again when he picks up his daughter from a playdate and explains that she wasn’t just watching Mad Men and eating Hot Pockets when she stood him up; instead, she gives a convoluted account of getting a package (which she neglects to mention is a love child) that made her question her entire relationship with her late hubby. When she bumps into him again at Joss’ party — hot dad says he’s there with buddy Lamar Odom, who’s looking for a crash pad away from his family (ha!) — she works up the courage to ask him to dinner. In an unexpected turn, though, Hot Dad turns her down, astutely noting “you have a lot of unresolved stuff you need to address.” This sends April rushing to Savi’s house to make up — and dish their respective difficulties. April’s advice on Savi’s “one and done” affair? “Give Harry all your love and never ever tell him what happened.” I kinda agree. Key questions: Can we have more of April’s very funny kid next week? Should Hot Dad get a gig as Karen’s therapist, too? Will April and Savi do a joint appearance on Maury, maybe?

KAREN | Karen’s late lover’s widow comes by and asks for advice about her son, who’d dropped out of college and wants to move into the old apartment said late lover used to crash in on all those “late work nights.” What the WHAT? Widow is most def onto something or up to something — and methinks her son is in cahoots. Karen freaks that when Sam moves into the pad, he’ll find evidence proving she was his dad’s lover, but Savi dismisses the anxiety, asking if Karen left behind “your camp towel with your name stitched on it.” (Brilliant.) But Karen — increasingly erratic — uses her key to sneak in and snoop around while wearing ridiculous shades, and ends up hiding behind a kitchen counter when Sam unexpectedly returns home. (I mean…) Savi asks the right question — “why do you continue to involve yourself with these people?” — while failing to use her refrain about Karen having prescribed Tom “lethal doses of morphine.” But Karen just doesn’t know what or who she’ll move on to.

Here’s a thought: How about hot psychiatrist colleague Jacob, who accompanies her to Joss’ party, flirts with her jauntily, and doesn’t even say “What the hell?” when she ditches him suddenly to go bail out Sam for drinking and driving. Karen seriously needs a beach vacation and a manual on getting her groove back. Mmmkay? Key questions: After Karen’s ridiculous query, “Do you do things, I mean, after work?”, how much did you adore Jacob’s response (“Like solve crimes?”)? Will he turn down Karen for “unresolved issues,” too? And is it possible Jacob is in cahoots with Tom’s widow and son? I know, we don’t even know if there’s a conspiracy of any kind, but it sure feels that way to me!

OK, for the third straigt week, I’ve passed the 1,000-word count on an article about FREAKIN’ MISTRESSES! Let me turn it over to you: What’d you think of the show this week? What key questions do you have? Sound off in the comments!


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