Mistresses Recap: The End of the Affair?

Japanese bondage rope (Is that a thing? Wait, actually, I don’t wanna know), insurance investigations, mysterious business cards and a (mostly) united sisterhood all played their roles in the latest installment of Mistresses.

Wait, what’s that? I recapped Episode 2, you ask? Of course! Like a poker player with four Aces, I remain “all in!” on ABC’s deliciously trashy new soap.

So let’s boil down the action for our quartet of protagonists — while raising pertinent questions we’ll need to see answered in their futures:

* SAVI | Savi kicked off the week like a protagonist in a Natalie Imbruglia song — ugly-crying on the bathroom floor, still in shock that she’d cheated on her husband with ridiculously hot coworker Dominic the night before. So what’s a guilty adulterer to do? Step 1: Confess to BFF Karen (“I cheated on Harry last night. You can be horrified. I’m horrified.”), and then soak in her sage advice not to spill all to Harry — at least not until she figures out why she did what she did. Step 2: Tell other BFF April, who’s feeling a little less forgiving about Savi’s confession, considering she just found out about her dead hubby’s secret love child (“You should’ve kept that to yourself!”). Step 3: Tell Dominic it was a mistake, and it’s not happening again. (“I respect that, but for the record, you kissed me, Savannah,” points out Hunky McTorsofirm.)

And finally, following Harry’s admission that he “handled everything wrong” with regard to their visit to the infertility doctor, there’s Step 4: Confess everything to the doting hubby. Well, everything regarding her ambivalence about getting pregnant. See, Savi is worried that since they started timing her cycles and attempting to get knocked up, they’ve grown apart (and that SWH — “sex with Harry” — that popped up on her calendar served as an exclamation point on the theory). “I’m not unhappy,” Savi adds, “I’m just not ready to move on to this next phase of our lives.” When Harry asks if that’s all of it, Savi doesn’t hesitate. “That’s all of it.” And as the husband and wife get down to doing what husbands and wives do — when they’ve had a second glass of wine and there’s nothing on TV at 10pm that can’t be DVR’d, anyway — her cellphone rings. It’s Dominic. She ignores it. What does that dude want? It can’t be good. Key questions: Did Savi do right by not confessing the affair? If she did tell Harry, would it be more to ease her own guilt, or does she owe him the truth at all costs? Also, is Dominic about to go Alex Forrest in Fatal Attraction? And do Savi and Harry own a bunny?

* APRIL | So April kicks things off this week calling Karen and Savi and demanding a pow-wow at her shop before the workday begins. (I’m gonna start trying this with my besties, but also demand they pick me up Diet Cokes and McGriddles.) “Paul had a baby with another woman,” she blurts, and Savi’s response to Karen — “my thing can wait” — is another great example of how Mistresses tempers its heightened drama with just the right amount of humor. “I’m puffy and my husband was a lying sack of ass,” April continues, telling her pals about how Paul’s thing-on-the-side showed up at her door with Paul’s alleged son in tow. “He’s a dead lying sack of ass!”

Savi does a little digging to make sure the mistress in question, Miranda, is legit, and it turns out she works at a hotel where Paul booked a lot of “business travel.” (So that’s what they’re calling it nowadays?) Then she finds a mysterious business card for a used car dealership that confirms Paul bought a 2001 yellow Escape (same car Miranda drives!) a few years back. It’s enough to send April back to Miranda’s hotel room to find out what this other woman’s motive is. (Drumroll please…) “I want my son to have what your daughter has,” Miranda says plainly. “I want money.” Grrrl, I am not even trying to hear that! Key questions: Was Savi’s initial instinct right? Could Miranda be a con artist? Wasn’t that car awfully yellow? And was April right to throw some shade at Savi for embarking on an ill-considered affair?

* KAREN | I loved Savi taunting Karen with the phrase “lethal doses of morphine” to try to stop her from meeting up with her dead former patient/former lover’s college-aged son — especially since said lover took his own life using drugs Karen prescribed. Karen, though, gets a second opinion via very hot colleague Jacob (more plase), and he tells her to “be honest about your feelings and do it nicely.” Thus a coffee date with Sam, who spills a beverage on her skirt and later shows up at her office to discuss dry cleaning. “I don’t want to see you again, Sam! Do you understand me?” barks Karen. She can pay her own dry-cleaning, for cryin’ out loud. Also, Hot Dead Guy’s insurance investigator (CSI‘s Gary Dourdan!) is snooping around — and not in a very friendly fashion — implying he might need Karen’s notes on Thomas’s sessions. “NOTES?” asks Karen, like that’s something that went out in the ’80s. Key questions: Why is Thomas’ insurance company investigating his death when it’s common knowledge he had terminal cancer? If Karen even picks up the phone again for — or returns an email from — Sam, will you ever forgive her? And don’t you love how Savi and Karen met at a diner counter for lunch? Keepin’ it real, ladies!

* JOSS | Joss told client Alex she needed to run things in her relationship because she’s hotter than her partner. (Um, alrighty then!) The duo visited another property, dug around in some drawers and stumbeld across “Japanese bondage rope,” and Alex was all “blah blah blah it’s really, really beautiful when it’s done properly.” My favorite Joss scene this week came later on, when she had a new male lover tied up in her bed, and then decided to casually take a phone call from Alex. Those two are SO getting it on next week, yes? Key questions: Is Joss about to put her job in jeopardy? Will the bondage ropes come out when she finally does the deed with Alex?

OK, once again, I’ve passed the 1,000-word count on an article about FREAKIN’ MISTRESSES! Let me turn it over to you: What’d you think of the show this week? What key questions do you have? Sound off in the comments!

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