Mistresses Finale Recap: From Here to Paternity
Greetings, Mistresses fans. We interrupt your regularly scheduled melodrama – unapologetically drunk, mentally unstable Woman Scorned pointing a revolver at the Sexy-Stupid Psychiatrist who carried on a lengthy affair with her late husband, then bedded her emotionally unstable son — to bring you one of the most delicious retorts in modern television history.
Sexy-Stupid Psychiatrist: (Trying to buy time/make a 911 call/continue a season-long tradition of foolery) Let’s just talk about this. Can I make you a drink?
Woman Scorned: Sure. Why not?
Sexy-Stupid Psychiatrist: What can I get you?
Woman Scorned: Scotch.
Sexy-Stupid Psychiatrist: Sorry, I only have vodka. How do you like it?
Woman Scorned: (Now burning with white-hot rage, index finger twitching on the trigger) IN MY HAND!
Honestly, if there was an Emmy Award for Best Bitchy Retort by a Villainess in a Drama Series – and come to think of it, there should be – then whichever member of the Mistresses writing staff is responsible for my new favorite way to order a drink at a bar or restaurant would be collecting a coveted statuette next September.
All together now: In. My. Hand.
(Side note: The only possible competition in my fictional Emmy category might come from previous Mistresses zingers including, “Maybe you should tell him you were screwing his father: That should break the spell.” And, of course, this additional instant classic from the Season 1 finale: “Did you see Tom’s face when you were screwing my son?”)
But, wait. Let me rescue this recap from a sauv-blanc-fueled flight of fancy and return the focus to the gasp-inducing, cliffhanger-filled, “Oh. Em. God. This show had better get a Season 2 pickup!” action contained in “I Choose You,” the devilish, sometimes harrowing, always entertaining Season 1 finale.
For the uninitiated, Sexy-Stupid Psychiatrist is Karen Kim, and she’s been such a white-hot mess all season that compared to her, the surface of the sun is positively chilly. And Woman Scorned is Elizabeth Grey, who’s been knockin’ back booze in her pitiful little mansion all season long and plotting to systematically destroy the life of a romantic rival who should probably have her prescription-writing privileges permanently revoked in order to pursue a career in minimalist interior design.
Anyhow, let’s review the cahoots that happened to our four central characters – and then delve into key questions that loomed as the episode came to its conclusion.
KAREN | The season finale kicks off with Karen in the shower, trying to wash away 13 weeks of baffling personal, professional and legal decisions. (Oh girl, you’re gonna need a bigger bar of soap.) Meanwhile, Elizabeth is busy sipping scotch and alienating her son, mocking his romantic feelings for Karen. “To her, you were nothing more than a pathetic child with a misguided crush,” she hisses. “Yeah,” Sam shoots back, “then why did she sleep with me?” Oh snap! The apple clearly doesn’t fall far from the bitchy-bombshell-dropping tree.
Elizabeth shows up at Karen’s, slurring something about apologies, needing five minutes of time, and so Karen invites her inside — as if Elizabeth hadn’t just finished trying to sue her and decimate her professional reputation.