Game of Thrones Recap: Unhand Me
Game of Thrones Recap: Unhand Me
Daenerys drives a dragon-sized bargain in this week’s Game of Thrones, and if there’s anything that might make that vile slave trader shut his yap, it’s the prospect of a scaly, winged baby of his own. In other news: The realm gets a new master of coin, Theon briefly tastes freedom and can somebody give Jaime a hand? Let’s review the major developments that take place in “Walk of Punishment.”
HOUSE STARK: A RIVERRUN THROUGH IT | Catelyn’s dearly departed father is laid to rest in a boat and pushed out into the river; as the mourners watch, a man tries – and misses – to shoot a flaming arrow that will light the bier on fire. An older onlooker huffily pushes the younger man aside, nocks his arrow and lets fly; the burning projectile hits the boat just before it disappears around the bend. (Ye old baller!) When Robb later discusses his troops’ movements with the two men, we learn the elder is Cat’s uncle Brynden “Blackfish” Tully, and the younger is her brother, Edmure. Robb’s not pleased that Edmure didn’t follow his orders in a recent battle. As a result, their side lost hundreds of men and only gained two distant Lannister cousins as hostages.
In another part of the castle, Catelyn breaks down as she remembers waiting for her father to come home from various campaigns and wonders if Bran and Rickon did the same for her before they died. Her uncle bucks her up, reminding her that Robb thinks the boys are still alive, and encourages her to be strong for her son. Meanwhile, Talisa puts the fear of Robb into the Lannister POWs – who, as it turns out, are just little boys — as she sees to their wounds. Yes, she matter-of-factly replies to their big-eyed queries, Robb does turn into a wolf who eats his enemies’ flesh. But they’re safe, she assures them, because he only eats kids during the full moon. (For your dramatic peek at the sky outside the window, Talisa, you get a heh.)
HOUSE STARK: NEEDLE-IS-MY-COPILOT EDITION | When Arya gets mad at Gendry for helping their captors with their armor, she is told that she is a “guest,” not a prisoner. The gang prepares to leave, with a hooded Hound – who is an actual prisoner – in tow, but Hot Pie announces that he’s staying at the inn to bake for the owners. He hands Arya some bread vaguely shaped like a wolf (aw) and tells Gendry, “Don’t get stabbed,” as they ride away. “You don’t… burn your fingers,” the older boy replies as Arya rips into her gift (a girl after my own heart) and calls back that the loaf is tasty. (Aw again.)
HOUSE LANNISTER: PURSE-STRINGS EDITION | Tywin summons Baelish, Pycelle, Varys, Cersei and Tyrion to his quarters: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the new small council! Suckup Cersei makes a big show of taking the seat at her father’s right hand; Tyrion makes a bigger show of noisily dragging (ha!) a chair to the end of the table, opposite his pop. On the agenda: Jaime’s whereabouts (nobody has any info), Roose Bolton’s taking of Harrenhal (doesn’t really matter; Tywin has named Littlefinger official lord of that estate) and the very newly landed Baelish’s imminent engagement to Lysa Arryn, sister of Cat, widow of pre-Ned Stark Hand Jon Arryn and Lady Regent of the Vale. Or you may remember her the way I do: The Reason I Will Never Breastfeed. (Side note: That link is mildly NSFW.) Cat’s crazy sibling “has always been positively predisposed to me,” he sniffs, missing out on the hilarious looks exchanged around the table. Oh, and Tyrion is to take Baelish’s newly vacated role of master of coin. He’s not pleased. “I’m quite good at spending money, but a lifetime of outrageous wealth hasn’t made me good at managing it,” he protests.