Dancing with the Stars All-Stars: Who's the Best of the Best on Night 1?
Kirstie Alley | Photo Credits: Craig Sjodin/ABC
They're back! Dancing with the Stars' long-awaited All-Stars is finally here. So how did these lucky 13 returnees do?
First things first, folks. Massive kudos to the one and only Tom Bergeron on his Emmy win for Outstanding Reality Host. Long overdue, no? Also, who had one minute? That's how long it took before it was mentioned. Drink!
Speaking of overdue, the show is finally adding half-points to the usual 1-10 scale. "I know the people who sell us the paddles were thrilled," The Berge quips. Worth every piece of that Emmy. I love this addition. Some dances aren't quite like, say, a 7, but aren't worthy of an 8 either, so now we get a happy medium. Plus, this will put more pressure on the judges to, you know, actually judge.
Anyhow, let's get to it.
Joey Fatone and Kym Johnson: cha-cha
Please tell me I'm not the only one who's depressed that Lance didn't come back for All-Stars too. 'N Sync showdown, people! What a missed opportunity. For me to indulge in my teenybopper-dom, that is. The self-professed Fat One has put on a few pounds since Season 4 and he's totally losing steam at the end of the dance. But overall, it's a lively, snappy performance, mostly because of Joey's "freestyle" moves. His footwork is all over the place though. "I can't breathe!" Joey declares afterward. Len calls him a boomerang. Bruno tells him to watch his posture and footwork. Carrie Ann says he had great impact and goes all diva on Tom
Shawn Johnson and Derek Hough: foxtrot
Shawn! Missed you in London. Um, why the hell did they show her with a silver medal instead of a gold? Shawn feels like she's cheating on Mark, but Derek assures her that it's OK because he's her new husband. Shawn had reconstructive knee surgery two years, but she's A-OK here. She's also a lot more fluid than last time and not nearly as reserved as she was early on in Season 8. Bruno calls her a floor-scorcher and notes her improvement as a performer. Carrie Ann throws out her second "That's what All-Stars is all about." Cut her off again, Tom. Len says it didn't feel or look like a foxtrot.
Sabrina Bryan and Louis van Amstel: cha-cha
Louis is already telling Sabrina that she's a front-runner. Sit down, dude. She's not up against a bunch of Chaz Bonos. Sabrina's brought the girls to play, which is fine and all except for the breakneck pace at which she's dancing and I'm all but ready for a wardrobe malfunction. Here's hoping ABC gave her one of Julie Bowen's nipple covers. Sabrina's picked up right where she left off: all technique and punch. And it's way too much for me. I admire her skill, but I've never been a fan of her power-dancing style. And as I type that, she spins out of a move. Carrie Ann says she's on fire and warns her not to over-dance. Len says it's his favorite dance of the night. Bruno concurs that she goes for too much, but he's happy she's back.
Helio Castroneves and Chelsie Hightower: foxtrot
Helio's doing the show again because he wants his daughter to become a dancer, not a racecar driver because only he can do that in the family. Examine the gender stereotype subtext in your own time. I was also never into Helio that much, but I can see why people loved him and why he won. He's all charm and cheesy smile, with some good schmaltzy dancing thrown in there. Len says he's a joy and points out a few "incidents." Bruno says he did well. Carrie Ann wants more body contact.
Pamela Anderson and Tristan MacManus: cha-cha
Tristan's got the tats and the chest hair out. I'm done. "This works for me," Pam tells him after undressing him with her eyes. It works for us too, Pam. Maybe Tristan's bringing the extra pretty to take our eyes off Pam's non-performance? This is basically the polar opposite of her eye-popping Season 12 cha-cha. I'm pretty sure she's sleepwalking. What happened, Pam? Spent all your energy running on the beach? Bruno says there wasn't enough work there to praise her. "I know," she admits. Carrie Ann tells her to come back strong. Len makes a bike without training wheels metaphor.