'The Bachelorette' Recap: Yodelayheehoo!
Front-runners on "The Bachelor" or "The Bachelorette" are like cupcakes: They're sweet, fulfilling … and don't last very long.
Ben's been a front-runner on Desiree's season since his little boy stepped out of the limo. But he's also been a target for the other guys. And those two conflicting viewpoints collide on Desiree's first two-on-one date of the season, which (of course) pairs Ben up with nemesis Michael G.
But we have to give Des a lot of credit here, because we thought we knew how the date would play out. We've always said that Rule No. 1 of "The Bachelor/ette" franchise was, "Never talk about the other guys/girls. Never ever ever ever ever." Well, Des, after umpteen seasons, you've proved us wrong.
Ich Bin Ein Municher
And now we come to the "Romantic Wintery Destination" portion of the season (very different from the "Romantic Caribbean-y Destination" part). We fully expect snowball fights, hot tubs, and ice/heat metaphors — and we get all them all!
Desiree's first one-on-one this week is with Chris, whom we totally love and hope ends up as her husband. Not to be superbiased or anything. But come on, they're equally cute and quirky and weird, and if you can't see they belong together, then go watch "Big Brother." Go.
But her adorable date is ruined by someone we once rooted for — Bryden. He's gone from supernice Army superhero to superannoying d-bag. Last week, we thought he was just having a case of the "Bachelorette" nerves. Now, he's spouting "I'm not feeling what I should be" BS.
Anyway, Bryden crashes their date and informs Des that he's just not that into her and that he's leaving. What a rick in a pox (make letter substitutions as you see fit). Of course, this causes Des to feel upset and insecure. But luckily, she was on a date with Chris, hereafter known as Super Chris.
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Super Chris gently asks her how she's feeling. Super Chris then reads her a poem that he wrote himself about how awesome she is. Super Chris makes Des feel like the fairy tale princess that she is. Super Chris saves the day. And in return, Des gives him a rose. If she hadn't, we would've sent him every rose alive in the United States today.
Ice, Ice, Baby
Time for the group date! Des takes Juan Pablo, James, Kasey, Zak, Brooks, Drew, and Mikey up in a gondola and down a mountain. In between, they take yodeling tips from an ancient mountain man (totally the next Bachelor, y'all!). Juan Pablo even gets a confessional. Let's repeat: Juan Pablo actually speaks. To the camera. And he can yodel. Our minds are blown, too.
Watch this unaired scene of Des and Drew:
Everyone wants time alone with Des. Brooks makes out with her in the little ice cave hotel. She and Mikey talk about Chicago. Zak woos her by trumpeting across the ice. James also makes out with her in an icy alcove. In the end, she gives the rose to … Brooks! We can't help but wonder if that hair ever got any icicles.