'Real Housewives Recap': 'Papa Smurf' Makes Everyone Blue

Chima Simone
The Wrap
'Real Housewives Recap': 'Papa Smurf' Makes Everyone Blue

Baby showers -- a time to celebrate the upcoming birth of a child, a time to shower the expectant mother with gifts, a time for Apollo to decide between pummeling Peter until he’s “Papa Smurf” blue in the face or walking away and enjoying a quick photo-op with his wife, Phaedra.

Apollo, no longer on parole, yet having just experienced being pulled over and harassed by the local police, made the smart move and cheesed for the camera. But not before teasing us with a prelude to a fight that never happened.

I demand an alternate ending.

The mutual dislike between Phaedra and Peter made its way into an Uptown magazine article per his “I can’t stand her ass,” comment. Phaedra, in turn, created many colorful names to describe Peter: Uncle Ben, Old Man in the Shoe (so many kids he didn’t know what to do), and most notably, Papa Smurf.

Boiling point met Kim’s baby shower and Apollo was steamed. Provoked, he let Peter have it. 

But instead of coming across as intimidating, Apollo’s voice went up a few registers. Pinch his cheeks cute. All-high-pitched-everything. He was Smurfette to Peter’s Papa Smurf, “Papa Smurf!

Papa Smurf! Get your money up, Papa Smurf!”

Ruh roh -- Apollo went after Peter’s empty wallet. And maybe that is what Peter’s main problem is, always angry in every episode due to his lack of money, unpleasant because he no longer owns lounge Uptown and is now relegated to giving interviews in Uptown. 

Cynthia has avoided marriage all of her life. A self-proclaimed runaway bride, she finally settled down with petulant Peter -- her one and only. 

Really Cynthia? He admitted he’s not good with partnerships, he's shown his lack of financial prowess, and he has five --count them, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, kids. I believe there is still time to hop on the plane with your baby daddy, the fine frequent flyer --Leon. Run, I mean fly, fly away.

As Sheree said, “I don’t think it’s cute when you have to borrow money from your wife …”

How much he borrowed to open his newest venture, Bar None, we’ll probably never know, but I hope Cynthia gets her money back in the divorce. 

Staying put and planting roots, Sheree had her heels dug in to her newest project, Chateau Sheree.

A home renovation was underway, with plans on her palatial pad having a ballroom, library, gym, theater, lounge outfitted with a deejay booth, skating rink and a room with a masseuse. I’m willing to bet Chateau Shenanigans is still under construction and Kim’s prayer of, “God bless her and good luck,” won’t bring that dream to pass anytime soon.

Condo living, it is.

While Kim celebrated her anticipated baby boy and finally having a man like Kroy in her life to be a father figure to her young girls, NeNe and Gregg were busy making their young son Brent comfortable with their separation. 

That segment could have easily been one of those 30-second clips Bravo sandwiches between two three-minute-long commercial breaks. 

Kandi shopped here, gossiped there, and instigated everywhere.

She’s gliding seamlessly between the cliques. “Innocuously” asking questions that elicit the kind of answers that start fights and lead to reunion shows worth watching.

“So what do you think of" fill in the blank?  She’s even managed to make her Mom maaaaaaaaaaaaaaad next week. 

We see you, Kandi. And we like what we see.

Oh yeah, almost forgot …

Kim, get your daddy. He’s no longer allowed to wander events unattended in an effort to drum up business.

I thought I’d tell you so Phaedra wouldn’t have to.

You’re welcome.