Our top moments of the week:
11. Most Appropriate Welcome Wagon: After keeping the bench warm for the first four months of the regular season, New York Yankees' third baseman Alex Rodriguez returns to the lineup on Monday — the same day he receives a hefty 211-game suspension for using performance enhancers. Suffice it to say, both the Yankee and Chicago White Sox fans are brutal, loudly booing him during his entire at-bat. Maybe it's time to just accept the suspension, go tan in Central Park and call it a day?
10. Worst Decision: Speaking of A-Rod, Necessary Roughness rips a page from the baseball player's alleged Biogenesis scandal after T.K. gets injured on the field. At the end of the episode, T.K. learns that he is eligible for the V3 clinic's experimental treatment — aka a mysterious, cutting-edge drug that is untraceable and will magically kick him up to 110 percent. Come on, T.K., when there's a nondisclosure agreement involved, there's no way this can end well.
9. I Think I'm Falling for You Award:
During a group interview on Today, Howard Stern explains that every time he says something inappropriate or daring on America's Got Talent, his fellow judge Heidi Klum simply responds by flirting with him. Apparently, that comment itself makes Klum feel a bit awkward, so she does what comes naturally and leans in to kiss Stern. Stern, rarely the virtuous one, says he's a married man before sharply pulling from Klum so quickly that she falls out of her chair. Oh, young love.
8. Best First: After Emmett's dad decides to get a cochlear implant — a controversial device within the hearing impaired community — on Switched at Birth, Emmett is unsure of how the device will change his dad and his relationship with his dad. He tells Emmett about all the mystifying new noises he can now hear, such as air conditioners and paper bags, but says that the sound he's most excited to hear is his son playing the drums. "I always figured you were a good drummer," his dad tells him. "But now I know for sure."
7. Worst Poster Child: Jimmy Kimmel's arch-nemesis Matt Damon has a new movie, Elysium, coming out, which means it's the perfect opportunity for the host to retaliate for the time the actor hijacked Jimmy Kimmel Live. Jimmy sends Guillermo to crash Damon's press junket since, you know, Guillermo has a movie of his own to promote, Estupido, which has a poster depicting an arrow conveniently pointing at Damon. "It's about a man who's stupid from Boston. It's based on a true story!" Guillermo says. Suffice it to say, Damon's none-too-pleased, especially when Guillermo reveals he has a second movie to promote: Ass Face. You can guess where the arrow's pointing.
6. Best Burn: Skinnygirl Cocktails. She by Sheree. Vicki's Vodka. The Real Housewives sure do know their way around a product endorsement. So when new girl Lydia whips out the claws at Vicki's party and starts attacking Slade and Gretchen on the Real Housewives of Orange County, she lets the world know just how real her grudge is. "I'm not going to be listening to his radio show anytime soon and I'm not going to be carrying a Gretchen Christine tote anytime soon," she proclaims to the camera. Don't forget, Lydia, Gretchen has a makeup line too!
5. Undercover Lover Award: What's Auggie's big secret on Covert Affairs? Annie is not his first lady spy love! He went MIA for six months in 2006 to train Teo, during which he fell for Helen, a fellow agent with whom he had a spy marriage. So where's Helen now? She died after they got some bad intel from Teo. Something tells us this isn't the full story.
4. Host with the Most Award: If acting doesn't work out for Lindsay Lohan, she may have a future as a late-night host. The actress starts her post-rehab comeback by guest-hosting Chelsea Lately — and LiLo and behold, she isn't half bad! Charming and hitting her lines with impeccable timing, LiLo takes some jabs at Kristen Stewart ("I'm just excited that Kristen Stewart finally showed some emotion ... Of course she hates photographers. They got a picture of her kissing a married man inside a Mini Cooper."), Justin Bieber ("What are you, selfie-ing your d---?") and herself. After Orphan Black star Dylan Bruce brings up The Parent Trap, Lohan quips, "It would be really convenient to have a clone, I mean, for me. Oh, I have one right now, she does all the bad sh--." Oh, so who did Liz & Dick?
3. Deadliest Reveal: The Killing learns its lesson from its red herring-heavy, two season-long "Who killed Rosie Larsen?" mystery. In the Season 3 finale, Linden realizes that her boss/lover Lt. Skinner is the Pied Piper after she spots a ring belonging to one of the victims on his daughter. She holds Skinner at gunpoint as he drives to a cabin where Adrian, a kidnapped boy, was supposedly being held and shoots Skinner point blank. "No, no, no, no," Holder, who just arrives on the scene, protests to no avail, as the screen cuts to black. Hey, if the show is canceled (again), you can't blame them for not wrapping things up.
2. Most Awkward Proposal: After the most tearful breakup ever on national TV, The Bachelorette's Desiree refuses to give up on love, aka become the first Bachelorette not to choose any guy. As Chris prepares to propose to her, Des gives him a slight heart attack when she tells him to get up. To Chris' relief, she tells him that she had been enamored with Brooks this whole time, but she has now realized that she loves Chris too. (Awkward!) Chris then gets down on one knee for real, proposes, and she says yes. So will Brooks get invited to the wedding?
1. Best Dance: Stephen Colbert gets (Daft) Punk'd by MTV, but he makes the last move — dance move, that is. The funnyman has his own dance party on Colbert Report after skewering MTV for forcing Daft Punk to cancel its performance at Stephest Colbchella '013 — because MTV, which is a sister network of Comedy Central, has exclusive rights to the electronica duo, aka "Click and Clack," until the Video Music Awards. Blasting Daft Punk's "Get Lucky," Colbert debuts a hilarious music video of him getting down with his famous pals, including Hugh Laurie, Jeff Bridges, the Rockettes, Jimmy Fallon, Bryan Cranston, Matt Damon, Jon Stewart and... Henry Kissinger?! Who needs to get lucky when you can just get even?
What were your top moments?