‘HTGAWM’ Recap: The Unbearable Lightness of Being Horny

Laywers work hard. Even the TV lawyers of How To Get Away With Murder — which glamorizes this decidedly unglamorous job to a ludicrous extent — still appear to be overworked and under-appreciated (see: Frank, Bonnie, Annalise), to say nothing of the ones that are overworked students. This life just looks so hectic and thankless, it’s no wonder they all need to let off a little steam sometimes. And by steam I mean bodily fluids, because these lawyers were horny. And by horny I mean HORNAAAY. This was a very horny and sexual episode if I’m being quite honest!

“It’s Called the Octopus” was the title of this week’s episode, and it was also the name of a certain orgy-approved sex act that the killer of the week was accused of using on a male victim. But that was just the tip of the sexual iceberg as nearly every member of the Keating 5 was rubbing up on somebody else during the episode. Which felt like a breath of fresh air compared to all the darkness and murder this show usually traffics in. But as always, even the good times were laced with bad: Annalise was not very horny at all! She spent a lot of the episode sort of pouting and looking at her shoes and wondering why she was so lonely. A non-horny Annalise? Who even is she anymore?

Hey let’s talk about all this horniness!

We began, as always, with a flash forward to the time in the future when Annalise ruins a carpet with all of her blood. But this time we learned a new lil info-nugget: As she lay dying, she received a phone call!

And it was Nate! Unfortunately she couldn’t reach the phone due to being near dead, which is probably for the best because the blood on her fingertips was probably going to make the screen too sticky anyway.

Next thing we knew we were in the classroom and Annalise was making it very clear what was going to be going down this week:

That’s right. Something called “sex.” I am personally not sure what it is, so hold on, BRB gonna investigate it on the world wide web.

Ok I’m back and I am BLUSHING. Anyway, this episode was all about how sex can get people into and out of crimes, and also how everyone loves to talk about sex and brag about it, and then use it as leverage or whatever against their loved ones. Sex has never seemed more stressful, basically.

But I liked that this episode REALLY wanted to paint Annalise as a sad-sack singleton, even though just days earlier she was having a steamy romance with Famke Janssen (!). Yet here she was in her bathrobe enjoying a lonely midnight snack consisting of yogurt, vodka, and crime scene photos.

But before she could drag herself upstairs and pass out on her comforter, she heard a noise in the house! And after a fairly tense scene in which she stalked the shadows holding a glass vase for a weapon, she entered the basement where she found the culprit.

It was a classic mouse fakeout! So of course she called Wes over to hit that mouse with a hammer. Which he did, as any good son would.

Then he left and Annalise was all by herself in that big empty house again. This whole sequence was basically a short film about loneliness. Poor Annalise!

Elsewhere, Michaela shut down a hot sexual moment with the man she’d met at the courthouse, because they had only been on three dates so far and also maybe his exoskeleton-like physique was too mind-boggling for her to function. Classic Michaela!

The case of the week involved a lady who started an orgy club who stood accused of murdering a man by sexing him too hard until had a heart attack. This meant the kids needed to go out and question other people who were part of the orgy club, which led to an amusing sequence in which ordinary Americans casually discussed their kinks while going about their jobs.

So yes, this meant Connor got hit on, a construction worker ate a sensual hoagie, and a barista made a fisting joke.

But then we got our newest twist in the matricide-patricide case, when a local tabloid e-zine published a photo of the siblings making out! So now Annalise was super steamed that she’d been lied to about their relationship status. The rest of the gang was feeling kinda creeped out by the sibling angle, but Annalise was mostly just ticked about being the last to know. We found out later that this photo had been leaked by their maid, who did not approve of their love. Ugh, it’s always the maid doing things, huh? Relax, nosy maids.

In a rare moment of levity, the gang stood in Annalise’s kitchen talking about the best sex they ever had, but when it came to Michaela’s turn she was like a deer in headlights that had never had an orgasm before.

That’s right, she had never, not even once had a satisfying sexual encounter. Part of that had to do with dating possibly gay men too often, but I’m guessing she probably also has some intimacy issues. Who knows! (Just kidding, she does.)

So then we found out that the orgy lady had purposely sexed up the dead guy even though the orgy was supposed to be random pairings. Which meant that she had been claiming to be all free-love when in actuality she wanted to break up the dude’s marriage. I loved how mad this made Annalise: “You give those of us who REEEEEALLY like sex a bad name.” I’m telling you, Viola Davis seriously savored that “really.” It was an Emmy-worthy “really.”

Laurel and Frank’s relationship took a turn when she finally convinced him to let her get to know him rather than treat him like a gigolo. But then he kept hinting at the fact that he’d done tons of terrible things and didn’t want to talk about it. So which is it, Frank? Should she treat you like an object or a person? Because people have pasts, so what’s yours? I mean, rhetorical question, because we know there’s a lot of murder in there. But at least Laurel’s trying.

Oh, then we found out that Asher had been the noise that Annalise heard when she was drunkenly screaming at mice. Apparently he was doing some kind of illicit favor for that uppity D.A. and had planted a recording device at Annalise’s desk to find out all the scoops about the murder-siblings’s case. Asher was truly a scoundrel in this situation.

So even though Annalise believed her client was more or less guilty of giving the victim too much Viagra and then hopping up and down on his junk too much (I’m still not clear on how sex works exactly), she revealed a brand new strategy in court: She accused the guy’s GRIEVING WIDOW of cold-blooded murder! Even though it ended up being unfounded, it worked, and the jury acquitted Annalise’s client. But the client felt too guilty about how the widow had been wrongfully accused, so she was only able to celebrate her victory this way:

Who among us doesn’t enjoy a good ol’ Victory Vom? (I love how she has both hands placed on the toilet seat like some kind of gross perv. That is a public restroom, lady!)

Bonnie caught Asher receiving a pic on his phone of a blonde girl and she pointed out that he’d been kinda distant lately, and then took the opportunity to dump him then and there. But she was reasonable about it! And in my opinion the relationship had run its course the second he referred to his penis as “an elephant’s trunk.” Because nope.

Then Michaela was supposed to have another date with her fella, but Wes intercepted him and told him he was onto him. He’d seen him in that photo Rebecca used to have. Well guess what? This was Rebecca’s foster brother! And he had been pursuing Michaela in order to get to the bottom of Rebecca’s disappearance. Which meant that now he and Wes were going to team up to find Rebecca together. And their first target for surveillance? Annalise.

Just wanted to show you what’s inside Annalise’s refrigerator. I love that there’s a lot of fruit and hummus, but then Vodka just sitting in the middle there. Uh, shouldn’t that be in the freezer, weirdo? Anyway, loved this sneak peek into her life.

Then Connor and Oliver started to celebrate the end of their PrEP waiting period by doing sex to each other, but Connor took a minute to brag that he’d attended an orgy recently and didn’t do sex with anybody at all, out of respect for Oliver. Then they hugged because I guess that’s what passes for a romantic statement with these two. Heartwarming stuff!

Annalise received an invitation from her client to attend one of the orgies, then we were treated to a montage of her picking out a nice dress. Was Annalise seriously going to go to an orgy right now?? I guess you gotta rebound from Famke Janssen SOMEHOW.

Then Michaela took off her robe and told Rebecca’s foster brother to take his perfect face DOWNTOWN if you know what I mean. (I’m not sure that I know what I mean.)

Tricked ya, Annalise was not going to an orgy, she was going to Nate’s house to apologize! Also earlier in the day she blackmailed a police chief into rehiring Nate to the force, but Nate was still kinda steamed at her for framing him for murder and was reluctant to accept this job. Still though, the fact that they were now speaking again was reason enough for her to have hope they could rekindle things.

But then look at this twist:

Wes was there! He and Nate were in league together to figure out Annalise’s web of lies. That’s gotta be tough on Wes because she’s basically his mom, but enough was enough. Wes wanted ANSWERS.

Our final tease of the episode was merely just to show that after the students fled the mansion they scrambled around in the forest and then Nate picked them up. Okay? Not so much a cliffhanger as it was a carpool, but that’s fine.

“It’s Called the Octopus” proved that sometimes the most powerful tool in a lawyer’s arsenal is a sex drive. Imagine that! The episode didn’t necessarily move along larger mythology too much, but it did act as a welcome respite from the general darkness this show’s been embracing since last season’s finale. The case was lurid yet fun, and this was the first time in a while that the characters spoke to each other with anything approaching camaraderie or affection. (That brief scene where Laurel and Bonnie became drinking buddies was great.) So yeah: In this episode everyone was in heat, but it wouldn’t hurt if they all sorta stay that way. Sex is more fun than murder, but don’t quote me on that.

What did YOU think of this week’s episode?

How To Get Away With Murder airs Thursdays at 10 p.m. on ABC.