'MST3K' Revival: 5 Bad Movies We Want to See Skewered
That sound you hear is the Satellite of Love revving up its engines for its first flight since 1999. Sixteen years after the crew of Mystery Science Theater 3000 ridiculed their last terrible movie, MST3K creator Joel Hodgson has launched a Kickstarter campaign to bring the series out of pop culture storage. And that’s not the only good piece of MST3K-related news to drop today; not long after the Kickstarter was announced, Shout! Factory — which has been the show’s primary partner for DVD and streaming releases for years — announced they have acquired all rights to the enduring brand, which means that the new Kickstarter-backed episodes would have a home when (if) they’re produced.
If the Kickstarter project hits Hodgson’s initial $2 million goal, he’ll immediately go into production on three new episodes. But that number will double with every additional $1.1 million raised, and if they cross $5.5 million, fans will be able to enjoy 12 episodes’ worth of the funniest bad movie commentary around. And did we mention all the rewards? Donors at the $100 level will score digital downloads of the new season; those who donate $500 will receive a personalized video greeting; while the generous individuals who pledge $10,000 can count on receiving authentic production puppets of wisecracking robots Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot, plus a VIP set visit while new episodes are being shot.
Not that you need extra incentive to bring Hodgson’s brainchild back to television; just imagine all the awful films made in the past two decades that could only be improved with some vintage MST3K commentary. We’ve assembled a list of the five C and D-grade feature films made since the show’s 1999 series finale that need — no, demand — to be screened on the Satellite of Love.
The Room (2003)
These days, no bad movie podcast (or TV series) is truly complete without a thorough evisceration of Tommy Wiseau’s cult phenomenon. Written, directed, produced and starring Wiseau, the movie chronicles a love story that spirals wildly and bizarrely out of control, and the events are made more bizarre due to the ineptness of the filmmaking. Although many experts have already ridiculed The Room (including some of Hodgson’s former MST3K colleagues, who have since formed the audio commentary collective, RiffTrax), until Tom, Crow and Joel weigh in, the movie hasn’t yet been thoroughly roasted.
Zombie Strippers (2008)
Porn stars (including Jenna Jameson) + Zombies = Instant Horror Classic, right? Not even close. This braindead riff on the walking dead is basically the contemporary version of the ‘50s and ‘60s exploitation movies that served as MST3K’s bread and butter back in the day. It’s stupid, sleazy and sloppy — the three S’s that any MST3K movie requires.
I’m Still Here (2010)
Joaquin Phoenix lost his mind (and, very nearly, his career) for our supposed entertainment in this poorly conceived mock documentary. The “mock” part is what puts this firmly in MST3K territory, and the Satellite of Love crew will be able to zero in on the movie’s awkward distortions of reality with their usual laser-like focus. Plus, we’re dying to see Crow compete head-to-head with Joaquin in a rap battle.
Season of the Witch (2011)
Hodgson generally tried to avoid high profile movie star vehicles during MST3K’s heyday. But the show ended well before the era we’ve come to know as the Decline and Fall of Nicolas Cage. Back in ’99, Cage was still a respected actor, with an Oscar to his name. But starting in the mid-‘00s, his career plunged from the heights of Leaving Las Vegas to the depths of Drive Angry, Left Behind and Outcast. There are a plethora of bad Nic Cage movies to choose from, but Season of the Witch would gift MST3K with the best material, from the actor’s goofy wig to the already-dated special effects.
Jem and the Holograms (2015)
Only MST3K will be able to properly grasp the true outrageousness of this cringe-inducing attempt to translate the popular ‘80s cartoon to the big screen in live action form. This is scarier than crawling hands, pod people and Gamera combined. All together now: Deeep Hurting!
