'Empire' Fall Finale Recap: Cookie's Prison Break

Warning: This recap for the “Et Tu, Brute?” episode of Empire contains spoilers.

Earlier this year Empire turned us all into common street junkies. We were like ten million Carols just sleeping on alley couches waiting for our next high. Whereas other TV shows made us wait for premieres or finales for all the important stuff to go down, it was like every episode of Season 1 was jam-packed with twists and audacity. But Season 2 hasn’t been quite so satisfying, and now many of us are ambling around trembling just looking for that next fix. No, a plotline about acquiring a streaming service wasn’t cutting it, and neither was a Pepsi tie-in. We needed DRAMA. And MURDER. And surprise takeovers. Well, Christmas came early this year: “Et Tu, Brute?” was exactly the fix we’d been fiending for!

The most impressive part of this week’s Fall finale was that it capitalized on elements it set-up many episodes ago. Do you know how rare that is for Empire? Generally something will be set up and then paid off within ten minutes before moving onto something else. But the Camilla reveal was among the biggest, most satisfying shockers this show’s ever pulled off. SHE was the mysterious life partner Mimi Whiteman (LOL) had been exchanging fraught phone calls with. And SHE had masterminded not just petty revenge against Lucious, but the complete and thorough takeover of Empire itself! It was an earned and shocking turn for a show that had been flirting dangerously close to ho-hum for weeks now. Yeah, “Et Tu, Brute?” was a real good one. Let’s talk about it!

The over-arching event tying this episode together was a day-long Grammy American Sound Award nomination ceremony. Yes, in this world everyone remains glued to their TV screens all day as lists of fake nominations are announced by real-world singers. It was kind of weird!

Like, here was Jason Derulo standing on a sketchy section of Melrose Avenue while extras looked in different directions. Could you imagine tuning into something like this? Empire can!

It was the morning after Alicia Keys and Jamal had hooked up, and I guess they sexed so much that most of the purple came right out of her hair! There was clearly some morning after tension, possibly stemming from the fact that Jamal was a homosexual, but she was feeling very affectionate and this did not go unnoticed by Lucious.

Guys, I don’t know what to tell you. There was nothing that was not baffling to me about this plotline. From the presence of Alicia Keys to Jamal’s fluid sexuality, almost none of it was understandable or entertaining to me. And we haven’t even broached the subject of his Pepsi commercial yet. And you know what? I just made a decision. No more Pepsi mentions. It’s a gross beverage, don’t drink it.

Then Lucious started ranting about how much he hated Empire’s board of directors while Mimi Whiteman (LOL) held a very large fountain pen in his direction like it was a camera with a built-in microphone. I was wondering if this would possibly come into play later, just kidding I was not wondering. I was CERTAIN. What was Mimi UP TO?

Tiana was allowed to be on camera this week, so she came out and performed while a dozen men on Swagways “danced” around her. Now, I was very nervous we were about to be subjected to a scene of Tiana getting run over by a dozen Swagways (this WAS the Fall finale, after all) but she was okay. I loved her final sign-off hand movement though. She is truly a queen. Anyway, she too was allowed to announce a category, of Best Rapper or something. And guess what? Hakeem was NOT nominated, but Freda Gatz WAS. This was considered an upset by the assembled peanut gallery, but if we’re being real, she absolutely had destroyed Hakeem in that rap battle a few weeks back. I mean, he yelled at the crowd more and broke a sign, but she had the better flow. Just my opinion!

I loved when Alicia Keys and Jamal came out and shrieked at each other about being powerful and then Charlamagne Tha God openly questioned what the F they were even doing on the stage.

Okay, his beef was not that they were screaming a bad song, it was actually fairly relevant: He wanted to know why Alicia Keys (who has a character name, but does it actually matter?) was pretending to care about black issues after making a career in white-skewing pop music. And for good measure Charlamagne Tha God also noted that Jamal was vibing a little too much on Alicia Keys for a gay man. Anyway, long story short, Empire really shines when it allows social commentary into its show, especially when it’s directed at its supposedly sympathetic characters. I really liked this scene, is what I’m saying.

Speaking of meaningful, I truly loved the scenes of Cookie revisiting her old prison in order to pay back old friends with a fun performance by Jamal and Laura. As frothy and unrelatable as much of the Empire world is, it always feels grounded and full of pathos when we remember that Cookie spent almost half her life behind bars. Genuinely painful stuff! But it was also amusing when some of the inmates asked if Porsha was Cookie’s “wife” and Porsha clarified that “I only do hot dogs, sausages, and Polishes.“ Fair!

Then Anika paid Rhonda a visit and openly eyeballed all her luxurious nursery accessories. And she laughed a little TOO hard when Rhonda mentioned that Lucious had been referring to Rhonda’s unborn child as “the heir” to the Lyon dynasty. Uh-oh. This was not going to be good for Anika’s mental health.

Then the best part of the episode happened! Mimi Whiteman (LOL) took the stage to announce Empire’s merger with whatever streaming company they’d bought, and she thanked her wife… Camilla! And suddenly Naomi Campbell was taking the stage next to a shocked Lucious. I truly did not see that coming. Last season Camilla’s schemes were kinda low-stakes and petty, but this one was truly impressive. Even though it hadn’t yet happened, the writing was already on the wall: Mimi and Camilla were a team and they were taking OVER.

Because Mimi was going to have to get a majority vote from the board to remove Lucious from the head of the company, we then got a quick montage of Andre and Thirsty doing their best to campaign with each individual board member. Which, yes, Thirsty performed a sex act on a lady in the elevator. Nobody called Empire a family show!

Yeah, I really liked seeing Cookie attempt to cheer up her former prison-mates. There was a nice moment when she started complaining about all her problems (including her recent broken heart), but then got clear-eyed and told them that they had it worse, and she knew it. And it was even more lovely when Hakeem put aside his reservations about being there and then entertained them all with a genuinely rousing duet with Laura. It was just a nice sequence, is all.

Here’s Jezzie, a former cellmate of Cookie’s and someone who Cookie believes could be a big time rapper someday. And we know that she probably will be, considering she was played by none other than DA BRAT! But in the time since Cookie’s been out, Jezzie had been framed for murdering her roommate over toothpaste, and she was real bitter about it. So she did not accept Cookie’s offer to help. Meanwhile this lady was the best:

Sometimes we are ALL that lady.

So then it came time for the actual board meeting to possibly vote out Lucious, and it was going to be a tight one. Cookie was technically on the board, but had signed over her vote to Hakeem because she needed to hang with Jezzie longer. But when it came time for Hakeem to place his vote…

All he could remember was the times Lucious had bullied and victimized him. So now it was time for REVENGE. (That, and possibly a handjob from Camilla, who openly admitted she wasn’t actually into Mimi sexually, only Hakeem.) So yeah, Hakeem effectively booted Lucious out of his own company! For her part, Cookie handled it with maturity.

Yep, she spat right in Camilla’s face! Obviously Cookie and Lucious had been at odds all season, but as she plainly stated, Empire was a family business, and no outsiders should be allowed to take it from any of them. If we’re being real, this showing of loyalty was the most touching and impactful part of the episode.

Even later, when Lucious was frustratedly machine-gunning his bookshelves, Cookie was the only one who could bring him comfort and assure him that the Lyons would prevail in the end. She even helped him get it together so that he could resume being a respected patriarch.

One of the most reliable thrills of Season 1 was when Lucious and Cookie dropped their drama and admitted they needed each other. This was one of the best examples of that yet.

As fun as it’s been to see the two of them run opposing companies, I personally cannot wait to see them assemble into an unstoppable duo. Very exciting!

Then somebody pushed Rhonda down the stairs.

Poor Rhonda! Just spinning and front-flipping all the way down those stairs.

Now, obviously we were meant to think that Anika did it, but considering the culprit was filmed all shadowy and mysterious when we already KNOW Anika is crazy, wouldn’t that mean it’s probably NOT her? I truly don’t know. And I WON’T know until…. Holy moly… MARCH? That’s right, this show won’t even be back until March! Of 2016! So rude.

“Et Tu, Brute?” was a great reminder of what Empire does best. It was as insane and audacious as befits a Lee Daniels project, and it also deepened the relationships and pathos of characters we’ve spent so much time with. While Season 2 has not quite lived up to expectation, it’s nice to know Empire can still blow our minds if it wants to. Fingers crossed it remembers to do this more often in the Spring.

What did YOU think of “Et Tu, Brute?”

Empire airs Wednesdays at 9 p.m. on Fox