Until scientists come up with a cure for what Office Space so brilliantly dubbed as “A Case of the Mondays,” we may have to settle for a prophylactic dose of Susan Lucci dropping hilarious one-liners on Lifetime’s Devious Maids.
So what if her every line and action as Beverly Hills maven Genevieve Delatour has been done on at least a dozen prior TV shows or movies? Lucci somehow makes fresh — or at least so uproarious, you don’t notice a lack of freshness — moments like warning her sexy young maid that she’s called dibs on the gardener, topped with a breezy “I’ve been priming that pump since the day he trimmed my hibiscus!”
If that’s not your cup of Crystal Light, fair enough. For the rest of you, let’s recap the action surrounding our five central characters:
* MARISOL | Our undercover housekeeper once had a maid of her own, we learn in flashback. But now, trying to clear her son’s name for a murder rap, she’s reduced to asking boss Taylor for permission to clean the Powell residence on her day off. Her request is denied, until creepy Adrian shows up and does everything but hold an actual blade to Taylor’s throat to get Marisol into his den on the regular. (At this rate, Marisol’s going to have to come clean to Taylor or risk losing her full-time gig, no? Then again, why wouldn’t she want to grab a full-time spot with the Powells, considering the killing took place in their home?) Speaking of the Powells, Adrian cranks up the skeeze-o-meter, shutting the den door behind Marisol when she comes by to work and declaring, ”I love to watch women clean. I find it so soothing.” She manages to discover murdered Flora was his ”confessor, muse and partner in crime,” but arouses Adrian’s suspicion (among other parts) when she uses the word ”inquisitive” in their conversation. When she stumbles across Flora’s note — and the line ”I was raped” — she knows she’s onto something, but Adrian snatches it away, eventually burning it in the fireplace. Let’s hope Marisol doesn’t need to make good on what she told her son: That she knows of ways to get Adrian to tell her almost anything. Also: How can Angela Chase’s dad be so dreadful?
* ZOILA and VALENTINA | Valentina discovers (or invents?) a mutual appreciation of Hitchcock films with Remi — and ”bumps into him” at a screening of White Heat, impressing his friends in the process. ”Do they know you scrub his toilet?” Zoila inquires, trying to discourage her daughter’s pursuit of “Mr. Remi.” To try to break any romantic connection, Zoila plants an idea in Genevieve’s head to throw a party for her college-age son — one where she and Valentina will serve as the waitstaff. Naturally, it ends in tears for Valentina, and Zoila tells her, ”if you need to hate me for awhile, go ahead.” But Valentina’s not so easily discouraged: When Genevieve spots her crying, Val admits she’s in love with Remi — that her face burns every time she sees Genevieve’s son. Mama Delatour is delighted — she loves love, after all — and reminds Valentina that being a maid “is what you do — not who you are.” Genevieve agrees to help Val win Remi’s heart — without Zoila’s knowledge. ”The duty of the old is to help the young find love,” she smiles. “And since there’s no old people around — it falls to me.” Anyone else guessing this isn’t going to end well for any of the involved parties?
* CARMEN | Carmen has most (if not all) the fun this week. “God blesses us with nice things. He expects us to use them,” she tells Sam, noting Odessa and Alejandro’s absence while dropping all her clothes and prepping for a dive into the pool. ”I didn’t know you were so…” stammers Sam at the naked display. ”Religious?” asks Carmen, making a splash in more ways than one. Later, she plants a kiss on the guy so he’ll turn a blind eye to her poolside lunch break with Marisol, Rosie and Zoila. But when she makes it clear she’s not truly interested, he takes offense, especially since she’s been showing ”traditional female signs of encouragement” (like kissing and nudity, to name two). The picture becomes clearer when he hears Carmen singing a mournful ballad that she penned, a farewell to a lover who didn’t/wouldn’t support her dreams. She won’t take that risk again, she reveals, but Sam — at the very least — shows he supports Carmen not getting fired, covering for her when Odessa returns early from the hospital and Carmen’s flouncing around in nothing but a towel. Show of hands: Who thinks Carmen and Sam make a cute couple? And who’s withholding judgement till Sam strips down and joins Carmen on her next skinnydipping sesh?
* ROSIE | Rosie has the worst week, lying to bossman Spence that she recognizes the striped, not-Calvin Klein underwear he found under the bed, and saving Peri from the start of divorce proceedings in the process. Peri makes up a lame excuses, swears on her son’s life that she’s not cheating, but Rosie hilariously uncovers Peri and her boy toy in the act, standing over the bed of iniquity like a stern mother figure, then sweetly asking, ”The coffee: Did you want French roast or Colombian?” Rosie later learns from Spence that he really loves his wife and doesn’t want to put his child through a divorce — even if the relationship isn’t always easy. So she keeps Peri’s secret to herself — and tells Spence that he reminds her of her late hubby Ernesto. Rosie’s not seriously ever going to get romantically involved with her boss, right? I’m chalking up her Ernesto comparison as sweet-yet-benign, not sweet-with-a-side-of-unexpected-lust.
“I need someone who can react when I’m screaming at them!” –Evelyn, explaining to Marisol why she didn’t want a deaf maid
“When a woman’s skin crawls, it doesn’t mean she’s attracted to you, Adrian.” –Evelyn (more of her next week, please?) explaining to Adrian that he’s not likely to bed Marisol
“I should’ve been born rich: You guys know how to pull off poverty — I don’t.” –Carmen, enjoying Alejandro’s riches perhaps a bit too much
“This attitude is why we don’t hang out on weekends.” –Carmen, responding to Rosie’s simple philosophy that sin is wrong
“I’ve been priming that pump since the day he trimmed my hibiscus.” –Genevieve, re. her R-rated plans for her gardener
What did you think of this week’s Devious Maids? What were your favorite story arcs? Any burning questions? Sound off below!