With the recent United Airlines passenger dragging debacle still making news, the folks over at Conan thought they'd make a commercial for a new service United could offer. The service is called "United Ground Lines" and involves a pilot dragging his or her passenger to their final destination.
The new service claims, "There's no place we can't drag you to. You'll arrive at your destination in a matter of many days." Also the service provides the usual amenities that passengers travelling by air have come to expect, like snacks, in flight shopping, and even the amazing views one encounters while being dragged across the country.
The traveling altitude for the ground lines is of course zero feet, which helps support United's new slogan, "United ground lines, drag the friendly ground."