Colbert Predicts Trump Win and Early Resignation

On The Late Show Wednesday night, Stephen Colbert had a lot more to say about Donald Trump’s performance at Monday’s presidential debate. Referring to Trump’s overall performance as “the addled ramblings of a delusional demagogue,” he zeroed in on the candidate’s remarks about the “weight problem” of former beauty queen Alicia Machado. Colbert unveiled Donald’s new slogan: “Trump 2016: Seriously, Ladies, You Could Lose a Few Pounds.”

Colbert made a few jokes about Elon Musk’s new proposal to colonize the moon, suggesting that Trump could be ready to go at any time, because Mike Pence would be president. Say what? Why? Because “you know Trump is stepping down on Day 3,” the host said. Colbert counted off the days after Trump will be sworn in as president: “Inauguration; put up his name [on the White House]; and then [he implied an obscene gesture meant to convey Trump’s third-day-and-outta-there attitude toward leading the free world for real].”

Wednesday night was a busy one for post-debate jokery, since Samantha Bee did a special edition of Full Frontal. Her luxuriously long monologue about the debate — or as she called it, “the American version of Russian roulette” — spared no one. Her targets included Lester Holt and the woman she referred to as “Hermione Clinton,” merging the studious Harry Potter character with Hillary’s well-prepared debate style.

For Bee, sisterhood is powerful wherever it can be located. This night, she also praised Megyn Kelly for the Fox News anchor’s maybe-intentional, maybe-not slight at her time-period neighbor Sean Hannity (about 4:25 in):

Bee’s monologues are always well-written, but I’d like to take a moment to admire in particular one phrase — about Trump “bolting off to the spin room to soothe his wounded pride with the balm of Sean Hannity’s slobbering admiration.” That works as a joke, and as excellent prose. Brava.

The Late Show With Stephen Colbert airs weeknights at 11:35 p.m. on CBS. Full Frontal With Samantha Bee airs Mondays at 11 p.m. on TBS. She will have another special debate edition of her show next Wednesday.